An Al Anon for Families Dealing with Incest/ The Debate On Family Loyalty

I have long thought that there should be an Al Anon type organization for families dealing with incest.  It would run in conjunction with the mandatory filing of legal papers of any sexual abuse or incest memories and followed with the certified  letter to the alleged pedophile or sexual predator to agree to a polygraph test for the sake of an end to child sexual abuse and the sake of your own families health and wellness.

 I have written of many of my family tragedies  here and the reactions and actions that were taken as a result of the family tragedies.  When there was cancer scare there was immediate action to combat the cancer.  When there was a stroke or heart attach there was immediate action with an Aspirin and very quick transportation to a hospital.  Where there was a case of Alzheimer's there was the appropriate action to sustain a quality of life and a group of family and friend who gathered to sustain each other.  When there was any trauma or any medical treatment that needed attention there was prompt and immediate attention.

When there was a memory of child sexual abuse and incest there was complete and total abandonment.  There was a defining silence.

*I looked up "Family Loyalty" and this is what I found.  From the following site.  http://family.jrank.org/pages/554/Family-Loyalty-Conclusion.html

Family loyalty is defined primarily in two different ways: (1) as adherence to norms of filial obligation; and (2) as the level of intergenerational solidarity or closeness between the generations in a family. Both of these definitions have been studied within ethnocultural family contexts. Specifically, much of the research on filial obligation has focused on Asian and Asian immigrant families, while other investigations into the development and maintenance of familistic attitudes and behaviors—the foundation for solidarity—have been done with Hispanic immigrants.
One shortcoming of the literature on family loyalty is that it fails to incorporate broader definitions or measures; that is, the research continues to define and measure loyalty according to adult children's levels of filial obligation or as attitudinal or behavioral congruence or similarity between parents and children. Clearly, other intragenerational measures, such as the quality of children's relationship with siblings and the quality of husband-wife relationships, can be used to measure familism.

Read more: Family Loyalty - Conclusion - Theory, Development, Journal, and Filial - JRank Articles http://family.jrank.org/pages/554/Family-Loyalty-Conclusion.html#ixzz2Fff1w4Y2

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 As far as I am concerned, I should be shown examples of "family loyalty" in order to proceed according to what I have been shown.  Treat me the same way you would like to be treated. 

Do I stay silent with my "family name" if/when they consistently refuse at all costs to address their involvement in incest and child sexual abuse?   

The bottom line is, "What have I got to lose" [when most of my relatives refuse to have anything to do with me for the past 25 years]?  

I have been in contact with two family members for many steps of this journey of survival.  There is an Uncle who is 10 years older than me and an cousin who is about the same age as me.  Recently when I told each person of a step I took in my survival, my cousin wrote back that she was very proud of all that I was doing as result of my many molestations.  My Uncle wrote back very quickly as well and expressed that he hoped that my actions "would be healing".  I certainly appreciated both people for their support but thought that the responses were certainly generational.  My Uncle seemed to me to a great deal more caucious with his support as he may know the older generation in a different way than I do.

In response to my Uncle, I believe that my actions will indeed be healing.   With actions that I take I may not find that my relation/family ever accept me as an incest survivor but I hope that even if I have a few sprouts of ideas of how to actually address this epidemic of child sexual abuse that those sprouts take root many others will build upon the plan that will end incest and child sexual abuse. 

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Is There A Pedophilia Gene? -

Is There A Pedophilia Gene? -

Relationships are Based on History and Experiences

"Relationships are not based on blood.  Relationships are based on history and experiences."  This is a quote by Dr. Phil.

I always like to say, "We are the sum of our parts, but most of us do not remember the sum of our parts.  What I am speaking of is the complete memory of all our past lives.  This easily explains how some very young people can compose music at age 4  or create masterpiece paintings at an early age.  They of course lived many past lives and studied what they are known for "now".

I absolutely believe that past relationships from our relatives or family will continue into other lives if you all choose to reincarnate again and again in order to learn the lessons that you all are trying to learn.  

When a person such as a pedophile, lives a double life and involves you in an incestuous relationship they in turn force you to live a double life too, especially when your relatives insist you never speak of what you survived or risk being tossed under the bus. 

Once you realize what has happened and after you hopefully find the right counselor and support team do you have to ponder your next step to decide if you will try to speak with your relatives about
this difficult issue.   Each persons experience is very personal and they have to weigh the pros and cons of each situation. 

I have not found the statistics on the percentage of incest survivors who are "tossed under the bus" if/when they try to address the issues of child sexual abuse.   I recently saw an interview with Rosanne Barr the well known comedienne / actress who was very vocal about being an incest survivor.  In the recent interview she said it was the worst thing she did in her life, to call the actions incest and to vocal about it.

I have the blessing/curse of remembering conversations with people I know or knew on this planet before we were incarnated in this lifetime.    I do remember that I had a conversation with my parents before we all came to this planet.  My parents did not want me to speak publicly about being a survivor of incest and child sexual abuse.  I agreed to be quiet about it, but when we get to this planet "all bets are off" and I responded to the sexual abuse in the fashion that my parents taught me.  The only thing is that my mother does not believe and never will believe that my father could ever be a pedophile and my father is a Gemini and would never be honest with me or anyone else about the sexual molestation he introduced me to.  It also helps that he is a sociopath. 

Gnostic Christians believe that, Everything you experience in life is everything you have chosen to experience or have agreed to live through for the sake of testing out your spirituality.   I do not use the word "blame" but I do use the word attribute.  

Another belief of Gnostic Christians is that all human souls were created at the same time.  So do not respect your elders.....as we are all the same age.  Respect the people who respect you!  

Remember that God is Perfection.   I remember sitting with my spirit guide deciding all that I wanted to experience in this life.  I remember looking at a type of scanning machine seeing and choosing what I would look like depending on what I chose in this lifetime.    Gnostic Christians believe that there is a Mother and Father God and that the "Honor they Father and thy Mother" Commandment refers to the Mother and Father God.   This does not apply to any man or woman who choose to have a child.


Relationships to me are based on the total history of experiences from all past lives lived with the person in that said relationship.    My parents, for the most part have been very controlling in many past lives I have lived with them.    I cannot apologize to my pedophile. 

Reaching Out to The Viewer In India

Dear Viewer From India,

My off and on partner for 20 years had a yearning to go to India.  He was on a quest to study yoga and meditation.   I explained to him that he could study those things in the fairly large city we both resided in but he really wanted to go as yoga's origin was in India.  

He lived with me for a year after his return from his studies.  I was faithful and many old loving feelings returned and it was wonderful to spend time with this kindred soul.   I struggled with finances and sometimes worked two jobs while my partner settled back into civilian life.  He was at a loss as he hadn't applied for a job in over 14 years.  He was a realtor.  I suggested he be a home inspector.  It was a natural progression from his many years selling homes.  He was able to move into an Ashram after a year of living with me.  He contributed if and when he was able.   He was reluctant to find a job and encouraged me to find a better paying job.  After about 10 days at the Ashram he called and demanded I let him move back in with me.   I told him I was not able to let him move back.  I struggled to make ends meet with sometimes working two jobs.   I asked what was the matter and he would not discus what he experienced at the Ashram that made him want to leave.

He did tell me when he was in India that he felt very much at home.  I am sure he was experiences many memories of past lives.  I have seen him standing in front of shrines or sculptures crying for joy at being back at these beautiful and sacred places as he describes them to me.  

So Dear Reader from India I am asking you to reach out to me.  Do you also believe in reincarnation?   How are you affected by the rather heavy subject of child sexual abuse?  Are you also a survivor?

The reason I am writing this post is that I can investigate where in the world my viewers are watching from.  I see that there is one viewer from India.   I am reaching out to you specifically.  I am not entirely sure how accurate that guage is but I thought I would reach out.  Please respond to my email for this blog.

addresschildsexualabuse@yahoo.com 


I will always respect you and not publish anything without your complete authorization.

 *It is now December 1st. 2012.   The person or people from India who viewed my blog have not as yet responded to my post.   There is always time.  

Tire Tread Suit

As Halloween is fast approaching I have always thought it would be great to go to some function like a bullying function or a survivor of sexual abuse function (insert your own function here) dressed as someone tossed under the bus.  I googled the image of "tire tread jump suit" and this is what I got.

Anal retentively I have thought of researching the actual tire treads that my parents and siblings drive to be accurate, but I would most likely just guestimate as to what cars they have driven in the past.

I find it ironic that the controversial figure of David Bowie show up!

A Staged Traumatic Event/ A Teacher Gets Fired

My parents really did try to help me during my really difficult years.  It is not a typo to state that my father tried as well.  With my father being a Gemini and leading a double life it somehow turned out to be fairly easy for him, as he continues to do so to this day.   Playing the browbeaten underdog rejected and disrespected doesn't endure him to me but I can see the choices he made.

Someone figured it had to be a traumatic experience that led me to be so introverted and withdrawn.
I would barely speak above a whisper and had to be told many times to speak up!   There was a staged kidnapping of a neighborhood girl at the bottom of the hill where I grew up.  A large menacing man was putting this "poor; helpless; defensive girl" into a canvas gunny sack.   It was my duty and obligation to rescue her whereby being shocked that I could do such a thing and finally realizing my self worth.  It did work in part but the depths of my survival did not match the depth of the "staged trauma" to bring me totally back to where I was supposed to be if I had not experienced the nearly decade of child sexual molestation at the hands of my own father.

There is also the incident of a male teacher actually being fired because of me.  I am not quite sure if it was a 3rd or 4th grade teacher but he was very attractive.  I wanted to have sexual interaction with him so I purposely soiled my pants.  I figured he would naturally be open to the situation as I had been involved in sex with many people to date and my own father placed me in the hands of a man who made me the "party favor" for at least a dozen men.  The Teacher helped me clean myself up and did not touch me in any way.   There was never any touching in any manor that could ever be thought of as inappropriate in any way.  My mother noticed I did not have under ware when I got home and there was an investigation as to why I did not have my under ware on.    There was a short meeting with my parents the male teacher in question and a representative from the school.  I think it was the principal.  The memory of that is not entirely clear.  In any event the male teacher was fired.  I clearly remember the teachers response, "It's just not fair!"  I have tried in the past and I will continue to try to track you down and apologize that you were a part of the ripple effect of my survival of child sexual abuse.

A few years later I was hanging out near the entrance to the grade school cafeteria.  The young girl who I "rescued" was there and I in a younger than my age spoke of my valiant ways to rescue the young girl.  She played along and validated my words.  I apologize to you young woman.

Life isn't fair, or is it?!?  Being a Gnostic Christian and remembering my choices before I came to this earthly plane kind of says I knew what I was up against, but it doesn't really make it easier.  I looked at my own chart at 3.5 years old and so I sealed my own fate.  I only pray I can unravel all the twists and turns in the puzzle I put before myself to achieve the level of spirituality I am striving for!   In the path we must always thank the powers that be for the blessing that each and everyone of us receive.  Being a Gnostic Christian, I Thank the Mother and Father God. 

Some of my Memories of Past Lives and How They Relate To Now

When I was very young I spoke to my mother of past lives a great deal.  Or at least I tried to.  I spoke in great detail about my mother being my mother in a past life in Paris.  I was a chamber maid and was having a torrid affair with a married man high up in the government.  I had a private home and there was a long pillared corridor to my lover's home he had with his wife.  My mother then who is my mother now was very controlling.   That has not changed.  There is a spinning of wheels going on.  We often return to earth in another incarnation to learn the lessons that we failed to learn in the last.  For my mother it may take a life or more after this.  My last partner who was here for a little over a year (who was also very controlling) has left as well.  In France my lover and I had a major love affair and I remember he brought me to the most amazing pleasures.  I always insisted on protection and he for the most part complied.  One time he did not and he impregnated me.  In that relationship he also beat me savagely.  He would beat me and I would be bloody and black and blue.  He would apologize and I would go back to him.  There was a continuous cycle of abuse.   During the pregnancy he cut me off financially and began to beat me and after 2 or 3 beatings I lost the baby.  He just said, "It's for the best anyway, right?".  I do not know the reaction that I had but I would like to have thought I would have left him.  Or maybe I did not as I once again saw him in this life.  I was with that person off and on for 20 years and I just had to cut ties.  I will not bore you with details but the partner was just not pulling their weight.  You have to be a fair and equal partner or you just have to go it alone and know you are all the better for it!   I do not remember my father of now with that time frame.

I do remember my father of this live in a life in South America, Argentina I believe.  Only a small memory of guarding water.  I was psychic then and told my father of many predictions but he focused on that if I did not guard the water we would die. 

I remember my father in a past life as an Anastasie Indian in Colorado.  I wanted to leave the camp early and my father shot me with an arrow to my lower right hip area from the back and my upper left shoulder near my heart.  I was dragged back to camp and the arrows were pulled out and I was cared to.  I left shortly after I turned 18.  I was told of the consequences of liquor and was told to stay away from it.  I did not listen and I ended up in California and became a drunk.  I discovered marijuana later in life and found it much more appealing and not addictive like liquor was to me.

I remember a life with my father when I was a lawyer.  I do not know if it was Rochester MN., or Rochester, NY.  I remember my father was very wealthy and it was believed he would buy a brownstone home for me and my family.  I was rebellious and  I had strong doubts he would actually buy the beautiful brownstone for us.  He did.  I was married to a most amazing women and we had three children.  I can not tell you anything about the children as I was a horrible father.  It was Victorian times and I was under the disillusion of children should be seen but not heard.  I do not remember much about my children.  From what I remember I spent no time with them accept for Christmas and other High Holidays.  I loved Lobster and was a lawyer.  At some point in my illustrious career I lost my nerve as a lawyer and lost some very important cases.  I retired to my basement and became a very eccentric inventor.  I had a bisexual affair with the lawyer who patented the things I invented. 

Another life I remember is with my latest partner.  (The one I knew from France.)  I was kind of a lowly slave or servant and we were on one of the Pacific Island off the coast of Florida.  The tropical flowers were so pungent they were actually intoxicating and we would be so heightened in our senses that we would jump off large cliffs and cause ourselves great bodily injury.   I most likely died in one of these jumps.

There is a life I lived in Germany where both my parents were my parents now.  I had a strange attraction to sheep in that life and died a horrible death due to a venereal disease.   Wish I could wipe that memory away!

I have a clear memory of my last day of a life I lived in France where I was an artist but had strained relations with a sister of mine.  The sister of that life is now the older sister in this life.  I was in her town and went to visit her.  I remember walking the short distance to her place and walking past a small park with a rod iron fence surrounding it.  The street signs were in cursive.  My sister lived in an apartment on the corner of a block.  There was no yard as the building was flush with the side walk.  The door to the building was in the middle of the 4 story white wooden building.  I went in and up the narrow stairs to the second floor and took a right turn down a narrow hall way.  Her door was at the end of the hall on the left.  That door went right into the kitchen.  She would not let me in.  She claimed that everyone had the flu and I should not enter.  It was a cold water flat in late Autumn so I believe it was a true statement.  I believe in the past as a starving artist she would help me out sometimes and she was justifiably suspicious I was looking for some money.   I had a few commissions and did not need money at that time.  I accepted that explanation and told her I was going into town to have a bite at a cafe.  The only other clear memory is that I died suddenly in the doorway of the cafe I went to.  In spirit I went to see my sister and her family.  My sister knew I was there and spoke to me, then I left.

As a Gnostic Christian I believe that we are the sum of our parts but not everyone remembers the sum of their parts and that includes every one of the past lives that we all lived.  There are prodigies in this world and the only explanation for this to me is that that person lived most likely many lives studying the piano or science or medicine or what ever they are a prodigy at in this life.  We Gnostic Christians believe that all human souls were created by God at the exact same time.  This is a small part of the Perfection of God.  So all souls are the same age.  If someone is considered an "old soul" to me that means they most likely lived more lifetimes on this earth than others have. 

Looking at a different aspect of reincarnation, I will tell you that suicide is never the answer.  I remember killing myself when on Ellis Island.  I was one of the last persons on one of the island and had to be quarantined.  I do not remember the illness.   Family members would visit me but only for short periods of time and I was very lonely as I could not speak with any.   I was told I could go with my family the next time they visited.  How many times they visited is unclear.  I just could not take the loneliness anymore and hung myself.  I was somewhere between 7 and 9 years old.   When there is a suicide the person most likely will have to come right back to earth and live basically the same "chart" they set up for themselves from the last life. 

An aunt of mine committed suicide because she was afraid to come out as a lesbian.  She drove off of a mountain in Colorado.  It was deemed an accident but I know it was not.  I saw in a dream exactly what she went through and in many of my dreams I see through the eyes of the person who is there.  I felt her deep pain and knew she thought she would be cast off and never accepted.  It is my belief that she was reincarnated to be the daughter of my older sister in this life.  I have not gone public with this belief but I believe it will happen.  I have a psychic knowledge of a conversation we will have talking about a time we spent on her parents farm in Wisconsin.  We shall see. 


I believe I have lived around 56 lives.  I died very young in many of those lives.  I had much stronger memories of many more past lives as a child of course but as you might imagine the staunch upright Catholics of the day back in the early 60's would have nothing of that!   You are thinking wrong!  There is something not quite right about you!  These were normal for me to hear as a child.

My mother  (this life) is one of the only people who tried to be a part of my life but there were many indiscriminate words spoken by her and her husband.  There was a time when I spoke very quietly, almost in a whisper due to the major abuses I had survived.  One of the things my parents told me was, "You can tell us anything!"  Really?!? 

At the time she said this I had no idea why I was the way I was.  I was not aware of the reason I suddenly reverted into a childlike act and spoke as if I was a 3 year old or a 7 year old or what ever year old I spoke as I can not Gage what year I acted.  I only know that it didn't help in building long lasting relationships.  I am so envious of the people I know who speak of having lifelong friends from 3rd grade or before!

I have written 3 letters to my mother in the last year.  None have been returned.  To edit out your life is a very labor intensive thing and that is basically what I needed to do in order to be a part of her life.    Due to some volunteerism I participated in and the inability to jump through that hoop I explained to her that I had to cut ties for a period of time until after the volunteerism ended.  The project went longer than expected and I called her 20 years later to continue to edit out my life.  And now the passive aggressive part starts.

Let me get this "straight".......You believe I am going to be so distraught about the fact that someone got the word out that every last relative I contact on my fathers side is not going to respond because I want to address the issues of child sexual abuse in my Paternal relation.   My father sexually molested me for 9 years in my infancy and young childhood and I need to apologize to him.  There are many conditions to your "unconditional love" but no person will step forward to tell me what those conditions are.    There is a single path I need to follow and there is not a single person who will come forward to tell me what that single path is.  Kind of gives me no way to win.  But am I supposed to "win" in this situation or am I to be the example that I may be the one who is supposed to be the teacher in this situation.  It is all in the perspective.  Who is more accountable, who takes ownership? 

Google Headline Categories Include Child Sexual Abuse

I am not sure how long it has been there but it seems to me that child sexual abuse is so widespread that someone has decided to add this category to the list in Google News.   Of course it is sad news that it IS so prevalent but I do applaud Google for putting more light on the issues. 

• Twin Cities
• World
• U.S.
• Business
• Elections
• Technology
• Entertainment
• Sports
• Science
• Health
• child sexual abuse
• Spotlight

More about Sandusky and another Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse- This needs to be watched.

Friday - September 28, 2012

A Dr. Phil Exclusive: Former Victim Links Sandusky to Pedophile Ring

As Jerry Sandusky awaits sentencing on 45 counts of sexual abuse against boys, a new report has surfaced that he was allegedly involved in a tri-state child porn ring. Forty-eight-year-old Greg Bucceroni has come forward, saying that as a young boy in 1979, Ed Savitz — now deceased, then-advocate for at-risk children — arranged for him to have sex with Sandusky, whom he says everyone called “The Coach.” In a Dr. Phil exclusive, Greg speaks out about the horrors he says he lived through as a child. Hear how he says he was manipulated into the dark and dangerous world of drugs and child prostitution. And learn why, after 34 years, he says he’s finally telling his secret. Greg insists he tried getting the police involved at the time of the alleged abuse, to no avail. Why does he believe no one listened? This show contains strong sexual content. Viewer discretion is advised.

Mandatory Police Report / Report to Be in Holding Patern While Communicating with The Alleged Molester/Evaluation-Validation For the Alleged Survivor

During the first year of when my memories of child sexual abuse memories were emerging I was asked by the therapist I was seeing at the time if I wanted to press charges against my father.   I declined saying I felt if I did he might commit suicide and people would hate me even more.  They would blame me.  With the recent ongoing silent treatment I am getting from 99% of the paternal side of the family I am thinking and rethinking and wondering what I could have done differently.  It is a big puzzle.

I believe that there should be a mandatory police report written up.  It does not have to be filed and acted upon until the person having child sexual abuse is more comfortable in doing so.  The other side of the coin is while this police report is taken down, there could be some discrete communication to the alleged molester stating that full cooperation is needed or there could be a very public investigation and court case.   There needs to be direct action taken with lie detector tests and tests of course of mental capacity of the alleged survivor of child sexual abuse.


Since I did not fill out this form and have not seen it I do not know if there is a name for that report.
Since there is not a sister note attached to the police report as yet it will need to be named. 

Direct action.  If the alleged survivor is in fact mentally impaired there needs to be evaluations done and possible medications given.

If you find through what ever means available that the alleged molester did in fact act sexually upon the child there needs to be action to make sure they never molest again.

I honestly believe this all could be done very discretely.  All you have to do is bring your honesty to the table.  Try to remember "Though Shalt Not Lie". 

Pageviews Around the World

	United States 84 Russia 35 Germany         4 India 3 Saudi Arabia 3 China 2 Ireland 2 South Korea 2 Mexico 2 France 1
	Just wanted to share some of the stats of this blog and Thank You for stopping by~!

Out of Darkness, Into Light: Child Sexual Abuse-A WLRN Original Production

I have just watched a very good documentary I found on Youtube.

"Out of Darkness, Into Light" can be seen at the following address.  http://youtu.be/MgqXvVqKIwc


I am going to investigate the organizations that some of the survivors have started to bring more healing to other survivors and I encourage you to check them out as well. 


M.U.J.E.R.


http://laurenskids.org

Kicking child-sexual abuse in the face - Hindustan Times

This was a wonderful article with some wise approaches to speaking with your children, always in an age appropriate manor about child sexual abuse.  


Kicking child-sexual abuse in the face - Hindustan Times

An Email From the Dr.Phil Show!

After more than 20 years of trying to address the issues of child sexual abuse I have my preverbal foot in the door at the Dr.Phil show.   Who knows how many hundreds or thousands of emails are sent out to prospective guests is a mystery to me, I only know that I am one of them!

Some of what I have written about in my letter includes a small statement on how I tried to reach his friend and colleague Oprah (Winfrey, for those living under a rock) about some shocking details as a direct result of the child sexual abuse that I survived.

I was very excited to get the email however I received the email on 8/22/2012 and it asked me to respond by 8/23/2012~!  Really?!?  The problem is that I did not even open the email until yesterday!
8/28/2012.  I sent the detailed email response to them just the same.  If there is a remote chance I am going to take it!  Wish me luck.  And thanks again Dr.Phil Show.

Thank You that I have crossed 2,000 hits. Not sure when But it happened. Thanks.

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Being Passive Aggressive / What Do Parents Sacrifice?

               Is being Passive Aggressive 

              just another way to BULLY?

                 *This is what I think.

                              When speaking of the many

               sacrifices that parents make,  

               I feel I was one of the biggest.

               A kind of sacrificial lamb. 

A New Interpretation To An Old Saying

      THE BLOOD OF A PEDOPHILE IS THICKER THAN THE TEARS OF A CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE SURVIVOR.  
  
                                                   Uncounted Survivor


*DARK HUMOR

I only want to see ALL of it at once pooled in a puddle under his lifeless body!    

*NEVER EVER TAKE THE LAW INTO YOUR HANDS!  (JUST DREAM OF IT ONCE IN AWHILE!)

Possible Interview With Father/Son Incest Couple

I have come across an incest couple (father/son) on the Internet and have communicated with them to ask if they would be involved in an interview.  I have received an email saying they would participate.
I assured them I would keep the interview anonymous.

I have around 20-25 questions ready for the interview and I am asking anyone if they have any questions they would like to ask through me.

Please no not ask explicit sexual questions.  I think we all know the basics of man on man sex so anyone looking for a cheap thrill can go to the Internet themselves and look up such things.

That is not what this interview will be about.

If you are part of an incest couple or if you have been affected by this kind of union in your own circle of friends I would like to hear from you as well.

I am trying to explore all aspects of incest.

I personally do not aspire to have this kind of relationship.

Please send any and all questions to:


addresschildsexualabuse@yahoo.com

Thank you.

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I recently got a response from the "Lad" from the Lads and Dads Tribe where I first found this incestuous couple.  The response was that since my main focus about incest was dealing with abuse issues from infancy and childhood, they declined.  I did copy and send the questions just the same and asked that they read the questions and possibly reconsider as I was interested in exploring all aspects of incest.   The following is what I sent to them.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Lad & Dad,

I was very surprised at the apparent number of people interested in incest and incest fantasies.  There are huge resources on the Internet for people looking for this kind of “play”.   Personally I have no problem with incest couples that begin this kind of sexuality as long as it does not include children.  If adults in a family want to engage in sexual acts and if there is not a pregnancy involved I am not going to judge. 

I have recently come across an incest couple, father and son who make movies and sell them online.  I have contacted them and they have agreed to an interview.  This is an anonymous interview. 

Interview with Father Son Incest Couple

What was your introduction to sexuality?  (not with each other) 

Father-

Son-

Do you consider yourself bi/gay? 

Father-

Son-

How did your current relationship begin?  Who made the first move?

Are you exclusive with each other? 

How open about your relationship are you with people in your life?

Do friends or family know and are they accepting at all?

Are you involved with NAMBL at all or other such groups? 

Do you believe what these types of organizations believe? 

Have you communicated with other father/son couples?

Are your videos your main source of income or is that just on the side that

provides supplementary income?

Is the mother of the lad a part of your lives?

Do you feel the current laws regarding incest are just?  Do you know of what those laws are where you reside?  Since I am unaware of your residence I have not been able to investigate what those are. 

Have you thought long term as far as if/when the Dad begins to have health issues?  Will there be home health care provided by the Lad?

Do you vacation together?  What has been the response if you are open about your relationship?   Do you search out specific places to travel to where you know other incest couples? 

When you do have sex is there a much closer connection being that you are father and son or is it just hot sex? 

Do you have many mutual interests beyond your sexuality?

What aspects of your relationship would you like to share that you might think would be of interest? 

Sculpture with Subliminal Penis's

I have had this for years but only recently saw that there were two acorns that looked like penis's with foreskin.  Just to the left of the left eye and far above the right eye near my thumb.  Am I seeing this subliminally?  Should I show a different angle?  Let me know.  (Maybe the artist has had a past too? Am I thinking too cerebrally?)

University of Wisconsin Madison-Conference on Child Sexual Abuse

There is an invitation from the University of Wisconsin Madison Child Sexual Abuse Conference .


Contact us

We welcome your questions or comments! Please use our mailing list form to receive information about specific topics or to update your address.

This is the only email address I could find on their site.

midwest@dcs.wisc.edu
Send them some questions!


They welcome questions and comments.  Will they respond to any of my many questions?
or......Will they email me back and invite me to spend the 3 or 4 hundred dollars in order to attend this conference?

These are the questions I sent to them.




Have you ever calculated or posted anywhere the statistics of the conferences on Child Sexual Abuse?

How many years has this conference been held?
What are the profits of this conference?
What are the statistics of the growth of child sexual abuse from when the child sexual abuse conference began and what are the statistics of child sexual abuse now?
What concrete new actions are being taken from any of the experts from these conferences and what affect has there been in the fight against child sexual abuse?
Has anyone ever done a survey of the steps taken in years past as to what actually is beneficial to addressing child sexual abuse and do you ever just say, "This is not working and we need to try something else?"
Have any of the experts contacted the US Government to demand action in what can only be described as an epidemic?
Has there ever been any advice as part of these conferences as to how to address the ongoing issue of a child sexual abuse survivors being tossed under the bus?
Do you network with other child sexual abuse conferences and do the experts all get together to brainstorm together as to what is and what is not working?
There is no statute of limitations for a survivor of child sexual abuse, has there ever been steps to change the laws to even the playing field for a survivor of child sexual abuse to erase the statute of limitations?
Are you aware of the growing number of pockets of communities of pedophile families hiding
themselves?


These are just a few questions I have off the top of my head.  I look forward to reading all the wonderful advances that you have.  Thank you for your attention to my questions.

Uncounted Survivor

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These are the questions I have sent to the University of Wisconsin.  I have had very little success in receiving responses to any emails I have sent out over the years.  Let's just see if they respond at all.
Sorry but I do not have much faith.

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The page on their website with the invitation to send questions and comments would not allow me to actually follow through and send the questions.  Seemed a little suspect.  I had to search out on a different page on their site for an actual email address.  That email I mailed these questions to was to receive a brochure for the conference.  I asked in my email for them to send me a different email address where I could send my questions to accept their invitation of asking questions if I had in fact not mailed my questions to the correct email.

If they do not respond to my questions, I feel they need to rescind that invitation.


*I have just re-mailed an email that I sent with the same questions.  I will most likely next send out a snail mail letter where someone will have to sign for it.  I will continue to reach out to the powers that be.   I honestly don't know if any of these conferences are doing any good.  I think I will search out all the major child sexual abuse conferences and ask the same questions of them as well.

See If There Are Registered Child Sexual Offenders In Your Area

I was curious about my hometown and registered child sex abuse offenders.  I came upon this site where you can put in your zip code and find out who to watch out for.  I am always looking out for the safety of children.  I often see children alone who by my standards should not be out by themselves.


One memory that comes to mind is that I was in a friends neighborhood and saw a child barely able to walk on his own wandering around in front of a duplex.  I took the hand of the child and asked where his parents were.  He pointed to the side of the house and we walked around and found his mother in the kitchen towards the back of the house.  I explained I was visiting a friend in the area and did not think the little guy should be out by himself.  She thanked me profusely and told me she thought the little guy was with her husband who apparently had just left in his car.  Thats the only part of the story I got.   In the time that the husband left to the time I came along many horrible things could have happened to this child.  I am grateful that I was there at the right time.

The web address to check out to be on the watch for predators is:   http://www.offendex.com/

I suggest that you check this out for your own neighborhood or even to places your family might visit.
Where ever you go with children is the place you should check out.

There are so many rules as to where a sex offender can live that it is increasingly difficult to house them.  They have to be a certain distance from any school or daycare.  There has to be notifications to residents living in the area.  Each state or community has different restrictions.

In my search I found 94 child sex offenders from the zip code of the house I grew up in.

http://www.offendex.com/

Someone Remembers the Day I Died in Bloomer, Wisconsin. PLEASE COME FORWARD

I have been thinking of the day I died--when I was 4 years old.  I was being face fucked by a young man invited to the pot party in Bloomer Wisconsin.  Yes I am coming out regarding the town where some of the most traumatic events of my sexual abuse took place.

My uncle has been dry for many years.  The family could not be more proud of him as am I.  I say it this way as the majority of my relatives who stand by and support this wonderful and brave man for saying "No" to alcohol but they will not stand by me when I was part of the fall out of the alcohol abuse that was in that house.  

It is no secret that alcohol abuse and drug abuse will run hand in hand.  It is no secret that in the mix might be child sexual abuse.   This is what happened with me.  

My uncle used to drink a case of beer a day.  I was only 4 at the time so I do not know about the people he hung out with.  I can only imagine that some of the people he hung out with also liked to drink. 

It was all very exciting when a family friend was left in charge.  I was 4 and my brother was 2.  I was told I was going to the "big boys" room.  There were over a dozen people there.  They got me drunk and high and passed me around.   I orally serviced them all......at least it seemed.    

I remember dangling from the dick of the guy fucking my mouth.  My feet were hitting his shins.  

I struggled to breath.  My body went limp.  My spirit floated upward.  It seemed to happen very quickly. 

There are posts where I have described the space I found myself in before but I think it important to repeat myself. 

I space was rather undefined accept it seemed to be a capsule shape.  It was a light pinkish white.  

There was one entity there.  As a child I naturally stepped forward to get a hug.  The entity put a hand out to my chest to hold me back.  I believe my spirit guide was summoned right away and shortly there after showed up.  The time differentiation to this earthly plain and Heaven is very different.   This place is very negative and moves very slowly compared to the Glory of Home.   This is what the Gnostics believe.  It is a leap of faith.  And I have a few snippets of memories about the other side.  The fond memories are to do with the rain forest.  

I had a consultation with my spirit guide and I had to decide if I wanted to go back and fulfill the remainder of the chart I had chosen.  I was stalling for time and the spirit guide told me I had 20 minutes or if I went back any later than that I would have severe brain damage due to the lack of oxygen to the brain during the time of my near death experience.  

Well since I am typing this you can tell that I chose to come back.  When my spirit landed back in my body there was a deep intake of air and I could instantly feel and hear the heavy heart beat of the young man babysitting me.  Thats all I heard and saw.  The room had been cleared out.  No one wanted to take the rap if the child had decided to stay dead.  

I do not know the actual numbers of people who were there.  I know that one of them gave me gonorrhea.  I was 4 years old and I had gonorrhea.  It is a pity that there were no investigations in 1966. 

I only know that someone remembers the day I died.

*Keep in mind the law is on your side and I can not prosecute you.   Really kind of curious on your perspective of the nights events.  

A Painting From A Few Years Ago

"Who Knows What Fate?"

This is a painting I did on the back of a guitar I found in an alley way.  It would never be used as a musical instrument again so I took it home and did this painting.   It is the story of what kind of relationship the mother will have with the child.  Notice how the breasts are like eye balls staring straight forward, they will never turn right or left.   I only did the painting because I saw a pretty women in a magazine with beautiful breasts.  I think I even had the name of the painting before I really knew what it was all about.  Names of drawings and paintings sometimes catch me off guard.  

By the way, that is a lampshade I made as well.  I had a poster with joggers on it and the negative spaces between the joggers were leaves.   Kind of interesting but you can't please everyone.  I have a friend from Brazil who looked at it and said, " It should all be even on top and the bottom!"

Oh well!  ;-)

Interview with Patricia Singleton Cyrus Webb of Conversations Live! Radio on BlogTalkRadio

"The Patricia Singleton Story" Update

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/conversationslive/2010/04/29/cyrus-webb-presents-the-patricia-singleton-story-o

Patricia Singleton was nice enough to send me a thank you note for visiting her blog.

http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/

In the interview she says she had asked her mother if she had been molested as a child and her mother stated that she had not.  Patricia did not believe her mother as her mother had too many characteristics of an abused survivor.

Many years ago I was visiting my fathers sister the former nun in Milwaukee.  I always liked music and I was changing the station to hear some classic songs from the 50's and 60's with singers like Rosemary Clooney and Frank Sinatra.  My aunt became very agitated and would turn the station back to what she always listened to which I believe was the same kind of music but only in orchestra, no singing.

If you have seen this blog before you may have read that I did try for 20 years to speak to my aunt about incest and child sexual abuse and there was absolutely no way she would speak of it or address it in any way.   This was a nun, this was a former teacher.  I asked her repeatedly if there was ever a time that a student came to her as she was a trusted adult to confide to her that they had been sexually molested.  I asked her if as a nun that any person boy or girl sought shelter because of any violation.
I asked my aunt if there as any training that nuns or teachers went through to be able to deal with this kind of situation if it would occur.  She would not answer my questions.

There is no doubt that my aunt was sexually molested.   I had two aunts that went into the convent at very early ages.  One was 12 years old and the older sister was 13 years old.  The 13 year old thought she had a calling.   That part may be true.  The older sister was a nun for many many years and actually wanted to have her own church.  She always said, "I can't have my own church because I got the wrong plumbing!"  The aunt who was 12 I think just had a means of escape.

It does not make sense to me at all that a teacher and former nun would not do anything about this unless she had her own deep seated issues that were not dealt with and from what I can see will probably never be dealt with.  I am sad for her but more frightened for the future of my paternal side of the family.

I believe there will be more generations of molestation until someone might have the backbone to step forward as I have.  I hope that they will have a more supportive response than what has happened to me.

To date my aunt and uncle have not responded to my letter.

I am thinking of reaching out to their priest in their hometown.

Please check out Patricia Singleton's blog.  There are many survivors blogs I turn to for words of comfort.  I appreciate each and every one of them.  

http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/

Excerpt of S.E. Smith Article Printed With Permission

WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE APPROACHES TO TELL YOU ABOUT SEXUAL ASSAULT OR ABUSE

When a person comes to you to tell you that ou has experienced sexual assault, rape, incest, molestation, or abuse, it’s a scary and intense thing. A lot of people freeze in this situation, even people who have experience with these kinds of conversation. Even (sometimes especially) people who have experienced these things themselves.

http://meloukhia.net/2010/06/what_to_do_when_someone_approaches_to_tell_you_about_sexual_assault_or_abuse.html




Copy and paste this entire address above and it will take you to the full article S.E. Smith has written.  I appreciate that the author has allowed me to reprint this excerpt.  It is wonderfully insightful.  We must help each other acquire the tools in order to heal ourselves and our families.   

Prove It!

I was speaking with a friend about my blog and he was showing no hope in what I was trying to accomplish.  I am working towards having child sexual abuse reach a plateau and then bringing it to an end.

He looked me straight in the eye and said,"Prove it!"

Good point.  In the age of cameras everywhere it might be easier now than when I was a child.
Yes, my pedophile did include me in child pornography but with pictures dating back to 1966 that might prove to be a little more difficult.  I am not sure where I would begin to look for pictures of myself in child porn.

In my own personal case I believe I could prove it in a court of law.   I have always enjoyed public speaking anyway.  Would be interesting.   Have to think about that.



In a conversation with my pedophile, before everything was clear about who he was to me, (pre-memories) we were chatting and I was saying how I really had a bad childhood.   He responded that he knew I had a bad childhood.   He explained it away saying, "That's because you were unhappy."   "Why was I unhappy?" I asked.  "Because you had a bad childhood!" came the "logical" answer.

Three Words.  Little. White. Lies.


If a person would match up the timeline of what I remember with child sexual abuse, with the timeline of all the times I "acted up" or "acted strangely" you would see a definite pattern.   Is that proof?

There is a definite lack of feelings toward my biological parents and siblings.  Is that proof?

The details of my life such as patterns of relationships are a text book example from a person who has been sexually molested.  Is that proof?

I am willing to go through any test to show that I am a survivor of child sexual abuse.  The main person in question has refused to answer a letter I wrote outlining the details of his involvement in my survival of child sexual abuse.  I can not speak for him but, do you think he would agree to go through a polygraph test?  I doubt it.  Is that Proof?


The saddest part of all of this is, All I ever wanted to find out from him, my pedophile was, What happened to You?  I only wanted to speak with him alone, quietly, away from his wife, my biological mother.

Can we ever really Prove It?   Do we need to put cameras on our children 24/7 in order to document and PROVE IT?

Contributing To The Downfall Of Society

What are some of the key factors of the downfall of society?  Some of the big ones that come to mind are drug abuse, alcoholism,  prostitution and gambling.

Isn't there kind of a domino effect with many of these issues?  Don't many people who are "down on their luck" face a multitude of issues simultaneously?    I wonder what the statistics would say on just how many of those "down on their luck" people had been sexually assaulted?  Of of those who had been assaulted, how many people in those family's stood by and supported them.

I would say the high percentage of them were never supported at all.  People do what they do to survive.  They continue with what they were taught.  What they saw when they were growing up.
They are turned away so they turn to drugs and the cycle of sex and drugs replay what they most likely grew up with.  They replay what they have been trained almost since birth, some of us!   How many children who were sexually molested were the child of a drug addicted prostitute and how many will grow up to follow in moms "fuck me" pumps?   But then there are the statistics that state that child sexual abuse happens in every sosio-economical community.  Which means that there are people of all communities who get tossed under the bus.  So there is equality in abandonment.   Good for us.

What if there was no child sexual abuse.  If there was no child sexual abuse, there would be less drug and alcohol addiction.   There would be less prostitution.  There would be fewer run aways.  There would be fewer deaths as a result of sex abuse.  What if all those 6 million children were not sexually molested.    What kind of society do you think we could build?

Is child molestation a key factor in the decline of Society?  If a family member denies you and refuses to address the child sexual abuse and/or incest in their own relation, are they not contributing to the continued downfall of society?   Isn't it too much a Gamble to Not address the issues of Child Sexual Abuse?

Reported Decline in Child Sexual Abuse?

Numerous studies say rates are dropping, but some remain skeptical in communities of color.  *Not just in the communities of color.  


According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network), 15 percent of sexual assault and rape cases occur among children under the age of 12, with 93 percent of juvenile sexual assault perpetuated by someone they know. Of those assaults, 34.2 percent of attackers were family members, 58.7 percent were acquaintances and only 7 percent were complete strangers.

While nearly 80,000 incidents of child sexual abuse are reported to authorities each year, the Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry says six million children are abused nationwide each year.

Those numbers are incredibly worrisome, but the good news is more victims are coming forward to report abuse, and rates of abuse have declined 60 percent between from 1992 to 2010.

The New York Times reported:

The evidence for this decline comes from a variety of indicators, including national surveys of child abuse and crime victimization, crime statistics compiled by the F.B.I., analyses of data from the National Data Archive on Child Abuse and Neglect and annual surveys of grade school students in Minnesota, all pointing in the same direction.

From 1990 to 2010, for example, substantiated cases of sexual abuse dropped from 23 per 10,000 children under 18 to 8.6 per 10,000, a 62 percent decrease, with a 3 percent drop from 2009 to 2010, according to the researchers’ analysis of government data. The Minnesota Student Survey charted a 29 percent decline in reports of sexual abuse by an adult who was not a family member from 1992 to 2010 and a 28 percent drop in reports of sexual abuse by a family member. The majority of sexual abuse cases involve family members or acquaintances rather than strangers, studies have found. 
Experts are not exactly sure why this decline has happened, but Dr. David Finkelhor, director of theCrimes Against Children Research Center, told the Times that heightened awareness, better policies, education and training, and prevention programs may be the reason.

Yet there are some advocates who are skeptical, especially when it comes to rates in different communities of color where there is less dialogue and funding. There are also worries that funding will decrease if sexual abuse is not viewed as a serious epidemic.

Regardless of whether these rates are going down, the Jerry Sandusky trial is a constant reminder that all parents need to talk to their children about sex, healthy boundaries and the dangers of pedophiles.

For advice on how to talk about sexual abuse, click here. 


Reported by Kellee Terrell  for BET online.


My response to this article I saw online. 



As a survivor of incest and child sexual abuse I absolutely disagree with the claim that there is a decline in child sexual abuse.  They state "substantiated cases" of sexual abuse dropped in the 1990-2010 period of years.  Child sexual abuse is reported 80,000 times a year yet The Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry reports that 6 Million children are sexually assaulted each year.   "Family Loyalty" plays a big part of the hiding of pedophiles.   That is the case with me.  Most of my relatives have refused to speak with me for 20 years because I dared to speak about my father molesting me for 9 years through my infancy up till I was about in 4th grade.  My relatives refuse to speak of it.  I have no power to do anything and most likely incest will be a silent family tradition until the next survivor steps forward and is most likely tossed under the bus as I have been.  Join in the conversation at:
address child sexual abuse at blog spot (dot) com.   Survivors need to join forces.  IF we join together we would be a powerful group.