Wednesday, October 1, 2014

If someone tells me that he or she or … organization tells me that they are the 8,000th person to see my blog I will send them some artwork.

Tell me what you think of my blog and tell me that you are the 8,000th person or organization that has been to my blog and I will send you some artwork.

8,000 Hits To This Blog

The counter to my blog is not working correctly and I am not sure how to fix that……. but the counter in the guts of this blog state that I am about to have it's 8,000th hit.  As always, thanks for checking in.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Questions for a Nonsupporting Family

1.In the event that someone in my family remembers child sexual abuse I will…

a.Refuse to believe it and dismiss the person who has memories of child sexual abuse.
b.Support all parties involved in this national epidemic.
c.Educate myself before I make any judgment, before making any decisions.
d.Choose ignorance.
e.Explain on back of page in free form answer if no answer applies to you.

2.My knowledge of incest and child sexual abuse is…

a.I have no knowledge of this national epidemic.
b.I only know about what is in the news and the internet and churches.
c.I do not read such articles, I choose ignorance.
d.Explain on back of page in free form answer if no answer applies to you.

3.What are your views on eliminating the statute of limitations regarding child sexual abuse?

a.There is no statute of limitations for a child who survives child sexual abuse so I believe it should be eliminated.
b.Ten years is a long enough time to take action when investigating child sexual abuse regardless if the person in question is supported or not.
c.When sorting out the ever increasing memories and trying to put them all together there needs to be a longer time.
d.I choose ignorance.
e.Explain on back of page if no answer applies to you.

4.Knowing that child sexual abuse is more about control than anything else I remember that…..

a.My father was a very controlling person.
b.My grandfather was a very controlling person.
c.My uncle was a very controlling person.
d.Controlling men were on my Mothers/Fathers side.  (circle paternal choice when applicable)
e.I choose ignorance.
f.Explain on back of page if no answer applies to you.

5.The reason I do not support the person in my family who has had memories of child sexual abuse is that…

a.My relationship with the man/men the family member remembers is strong and I will not rock that relationship.
b.I never bonded with the person in question and was always told that he/she had a mental impairment.
c.It is a depressing subject and I am too busy to deal with all this.
d.To not support this person is the easiest thing to do.
e.I choose ignorance.
f.Explain on back of page if no answer applies to you.

*I asked my sister many months ago if she would be interviewed by me for this blog.  She said, "No thanks"  I still thought it would be interesting to type out a few questions.  Maybe I will sent this out to a few family members.   If you yourself are experiencing abandonment issues you might choose to use this as a template for your own questions for your family or friends.  If you like print these off and discuss them with your therapist.  Add to the questions and share them here if you like.  Continue to keep the conversation going!  And thank you for checking in.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

A Parents Right?


This is a picture of Claude Rains.  He played Dr. Jaquith in the movie "Now, Voyager". 
It is one of my favorite movies.  I have written about this movie before.  I was thinking how as my parents really did try to do the best for me, they were not educated enough, whether school taught or in lives lessons, to make the right decisions for me.  I did get the nick name Bucky when I was very young as I always wanted to do things my way.  It had to do with the distrust I had for everyone in all the places were sexual molestation took place.  Here are some lines from that wonderful movie that depict a kind of parallel situation.  Details, of course very different but the mind set of the parent or parents is the same. 

Dr. Jaquith-My dear Mrs Vale, if you had deliberately and maliciously planned to destroy your child's life, you couldn't havoc done it more completely.  

Mrs. Vale- How?!  By exercising a mothers rights? 

Dr. Jaquith- A mothers rights?  Twaddle!  (rubbish)
A child has rights a person has rights, to discover their own mistakes , to make their own way, to 
grow and blossom in their won particular soil.  

My moto has always been, Let Children Be Children.  There are so many things children miss if they are used as sexual object.  There are also many things survivors of incest and child sexual abuse miss out on if they in turn are abandoned if they dare to speak of their survival of such atrocities! 

A parent never has the right to use their child for sex.  

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Focus Away From The Poisoned Houses and Places of Molestation

I have been thinking about how the houses I grew up in were basically poison.

This is not the house I grew up in.  This house is in the neighborhood I live in now.  It looks exactly like the house I was in the longest in my childhood.  The houses I grew up in were what I call the scenes of the crimes.  For some reason my father was attracted to infants and children so each house I lived in started out very nicely but quickly turned bad for me when I was molested in each house.  My parents and more so my mother had many places that I and my siblings would go to over the years.  There were many wedding dances, church picnics, parks and lakes and water-skiing, and camping and family gatherings.  There were very large gatherings at Christmas time and from any persons point of view if you saw all that was presented to me and my siblings you would think that we had it made!  Such generosity of activities and many sacrifices to make all that happen!  Some of us had it made but I was not one of those lucky ones.  The main foundation of your life is where you live.  If you have been violated in a building and forced to live in the place of many violations, that crushes you.  You really do not form a bond with siblings and certainly not your parents as one is violating you and the other trusts her husband explicitly!

At least I have those memories and snippets of relaxation so I try to focus on that part of my past memories.  I have to move beyond the major stresses that living in poisoned houses left me with and focus on the memories away from the poisoned houses.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

A Letter To My Mother, From File # 13

Dear Eileen,

I remember the day I lost you, for the 3rd time.  I was only around 2.5 years old.  The memory is that we would sometimes take a little afternoon nap.  We would curl up and fall fast asleep and when I woke up you were gone after having put me down for my nap in a most loving way.  I felt your love so many times up until the time your husband began putting his dick in my mouth.

And the next time you wanted to lay down with me I got up and began to cry as I walked away very confused as to why it didn't feel the same and the only reason why is that, Now the house was unsafe and you were not to be trusted as you trusted and went along with almost everything your husband wanted and demanded.

But wait theres more!  This was the 3rd house we all lived in and some form of molestation happened in each house.   He pulled the rug out from under me so many times.  He had everyone eating out of the palm of his hands and doing the "Molly Coddle" thing.  And while sometimes I have felt great pain and anger at this I mostly feel really sad for you.  The only thing I asked of him was honesty with me.  Just tell me what happened to you and lets address this issue of child sexual abuse and incest in the
____________ Family.  And now he is playing the poor damaged disrespected father.

And the Academy Award goes to…….

I know all of the emotions that you have gone through with not having me around.  I know because I experienced all of those same emotions when my safety was taken away from me for the 3rd time at the age of 2.5 years old.  And when I was gang raped and had a near death experience at age 4 years old while receiving the parting gift of oral gonorrhea….well lets just say…that didn't help!

In order to be a part of your life it seems I have to publicly profess to having a mental impairment.  The other option is that we sit down with some trained therapists to discuss and address the real issues…Not the ones you have made up.

At some point we all take responsibility of who we are and where we are in life.  I believe I have done that.  I wish you well on your journey of self accountability.  I wish the same for your husband, my molester.

Lets just Sign Me,

File #13

Monday, May 26, 2014

Thank You People of Ukraine

I wanted to reach out and thank the person or people of the Ukraine for viewing my blog.   Recently it was 47 views.  For a blog of this sort with a not very popular subject, 47 hits is Big!  So thank you for checking in.  If you need to talk to someone about any issues you may be going through you can contact me on here or I could send you an email address.

I always encourage people to join in the conversation and ask any questions you want.  I will help you with connections to safe people in your area, interventions or what ever I can help you with.  

I wish you well.