I recently got a call from my uncle on the west coast. He asked me if I had heard from my mother and I told him no. I informed him I had written her and called her and even visited her but there has been no response. I asked him about his life and we continued the conversation. He moved back to the issue of if I had heard that my mother had fallen. I informed him no I had not heard that. I guess she is just being passive aggressive. I asked him about the community work he was involved with and the funding his organization has been rewarding persons or other organizations needing funding for projects or art installations. He responded with information I asked about and again the conversation went back to my mother and "family/relations". I informed my uncle that I had not bonded with any of the people there as I grew up in more than one unsafe house and that there was safety in each house until my pedophile took that safety away.
My Uncle and his partner (who I have met once years ago) are so really incredible and very supportive of me. My uncle even sent me a great deal of money to support the art that seems to be a hobby now but it is what I work for to make it my living. He also has a deep love and loyalty for his older sister.
I do not believe that he has drawn the parallel to being an enabler. What happened to "fight your own battles". What happened to "Work it out for yourselves!". I did not have the luxury of having much of a relationship to my siblings or parents. I for the most part think of myself as an orphan.
If there are enough photos of me as an infant and young child, you can see that in every photo I began the tradition of looking at one of my siblings when there was a photo in a group setting. Often times it was a group photo at my grand parents house in Tilden. The photos changed after the sexual molestation began. My life of course was shattered. I believe have put the majority of the pieces together.
I want to confront my uncle about being an enabler. I do not believe he would knowingly give liquor to an alcoholic. He may occasionally have a glass of wine but that's about it. It concerns me that I do not believe he understands that he is an enabler. For now I will not confront him.
I was thinking about what I would write or send to my mother since it has been a number of years since I last wrote her. With the print of the "high horse and ladder" I was going to put a gold sticky star near the middle of the back of the horse and state, "The last I knew, you were here", inside the card I was going to put the same picture of the "high horse with ladder" and put a gold star just to the right of the ladder. On the inside of the card it would read..."Are you here?"
I do not see the point of writing to people who will not write back to me.
I think I may send a Christmas Card. We will see.