New Word to "Get Real" About

childhood

[chahyld-hoo d]

noun
1. the state or period of being a child.
2. the early stage in the existence of something:
the childhood of the human race.

Childhood should be a carefree simpler time.  When that is taken away you endure what I call "incesthood".


Incesthood

noun
1. the state or period of being used sexually as a child.
2. the early stage in the existence of something horrible.

incested
verb
1. the action of having been sexually molested by a blood relative, i.e. father, brother, uncle etc.

There are hundreds of thousands of people out there who did not Have a childhood.  A number of those people will go on to continue the epidemic of child sexual abuse.  A number of those people will never speak of this to their families.  A number of those people will support and hide any actions they survived.  A number of those will do the work to get out of that destructive cycle and try to change for the health of it.

Too many families are expecting family loyalty without being loyal to the survivors of child sexual abuse.



I have explored the way to get a word into the dictionary and the main way a word is added is by usage.   This posses a particular problem as there is a gargantuan majority of people who are survivors who will not come forward to be open about their survival.  An aunt of mine who will not speak with me….she will speak At me but will never broach the subject of incest or child sexual abuse and I tried for 25  years!  I have bookmarked the page to submit a word to the dictionary and will go back and fill
out all the reasons why I believe it to be a valid word.  If you want to share this post with anyone or any organization who could begin to Use this word….well that would be Great!   Peace.  

An Episode of Dissociation Explained to My Former Manager in Hospitality

Dear Lori,

This letter is to apologize and explain what happened at a business meeting when I was working at [The Hotel you Manage].

What you and the others at the meeting witnesses was an episode of dissociation.
I explained during my initial interview that I had done 15 years of public speaking about social justice issues and caregiving as I was a long time companion to a man living with AIDS but I did not at the time explain that I also spoke at great length about being an incest and child sexual abuse survivor.

Throughout my life there have been episodes of dissociation caused by different triggers.  I am not aware of all the triggers but I am evaluating them and beginning to put them into some kind of order.  I know that living in a house where I was sexually molested by my father for 10 years caused me to not feel loved as an infant and young child so there were panic attacks there.  I know that sometimes a trigger is just someone being kind to me and when that happens, sometimes a younger version of myself has emerged and I revert into a child like state and that is when you witnessed
the dissociation at the meeting at [the Hotel].   It is almost like a split personality and when it happened I was not even aware that it happened until a few days later.

In the more than 25 years I have been addressing the issues of incest and child sexual abuse I have contacted my “family” but no one on my paternal side will speak about this family tragedy.

At present my blog has had over 8,000 hits.  Since I have no tech savvy the blog reads a much lower # and I cannot fix that.  I also have been writing and posting on a facebook page with the same name.  Address Child Sexual Abuse

One of my earliest posts on my blog was a detailed list of most of my memories of the incest and child sexual abuse.  I have it enclosed here.  Read it if you want or don’t as it is very disturbing and not really necessary for you to see to be an understanding person with what I and many others deal with on a daily basis.   Sexual abuse survivors have to deal with survival issues for the rest of their lives.

In AA the 8th step is to make amends for past actions.  I am working on a “Steps” list for sexual abuse survivors and I liken this step to the #8 on their list as a way of explaining, apologizing and educating people as to what this is all about.

Once again I am sorry that you witnessed my episode of dissociation.  I am not a crazy person, I am only severely damaged.....but I am healing.  And trying to bring healing to my fellow survivors.

Sincerely,





I do not know what others will feel about my choice of disclosure.  I thought long and hard about what I would say and after writing this letter over and over in my mind this is what I came up with.   I consider myself spiritual and I must say that whenever I have prayed for "words", that prayers has ALWAYS been answered.  Whenever I have prayed for the right words to say in public speaking or if I am posting on my blog or Facebook page or if I need to speak with someone about a difficult situation
I have always had a great deal of assistance from the Other Side (Heaven).  And I am very grateful for that!  Prayer is Good!

Letter To Family Priest [a work in progress]

I am writing you in a time of dire need for my family.  Over the years I have done 15 years of public speaking about my survival of child sexual abuse and incest.  I have tried for over 20 years of speaking with my family about my survival to no avail and in the last 3.5 years I have blogged and most recently I have a Facebook page.

As you can see I am doing my part about Addressing Child Sexual Abuse.

I am sure you are aware of the difficulties that many churches are dealing with in our fight to prevent and address the needs of the survivors of child sexual abuse as well as the unfortunate men who are attracted to infants and children in a controlling sexual way.  As it stands now, for some reason I have found that the majority of support and empathy somehow comes to land in the lap of the predator or child molester.

Coming from the stand point of the survivor I thing it might be just so much more easy to
toss the survivor under the bus as has happened with me.  That is unfortunate but I have grown much more spiritual as a result so I do look at the bright side of things!

The reason I am writing to you in this time of family crisis is that after 20 years I really do need to tell my story and come out as a child sexual abuse survivor.  It is a logical step in my healing and recovery and with my knowledge and insight about new ways to address this issue I am sure that We will make great strides in combatting this epidemic.  I am giving my family every opportunity to join in this discussion about family health and I am asking you to join in as well.  I am sure that we can all agree that this Is an epidemic and we are all concerned or we all should be seeing that I am a survivor of incest from the [___________] family.  After so many years of showing and having respect and family loyalties to the [__________] family I think it is time for my family to show me as much respect and loyalty that I have shown them.  That is only fair.

*A work in progress.  I am thinking it might even be a template for others to do a Group Coming Out.
There would be portions of the script that other survivors would change to suit what they have done for the cause or personal struggles that you have survived that some may have witnessed that would be relevant to you….but use as much text as you would like.  Once I have the full text clarified I will do a boost on Facebook.

I do appreciate anyone checking in and please contact me if you want to share your story of survival or if you want to brainstorm about how to address these issues or if you need a shoulder.

Please Take Care.

A Kind and Healing Response From healingfromsexualabuse.com

Dear Readers,  I have made comments on many websites and articles I read on the internet.
I rarely get any follow up mention or response but the following response from Amy Marschak very much warmed my heart.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am very sorry to hear that that happened to you.  Many people who are
survivors of sexual abuse feel like orphans, especially if their family
abused them in any way or if their family did not protect them.  If a
family protects the abuser they are not real family.  Real families love
and protect their children.  Siblings brought up in an unhealthy family
can also learn to become or support perpetrators or they can realize
that they want to be kind people and choose kindness and protecting
other children.

I wrote a post with some ideas on how to be your own parent called
"Surviving Mother's Day and the Holidays" at
http://www.healingfromsexualabuse.com/ideas-for-healing-from-abuse/surviving-mothers-day-and-the-holidays/

Also if you have not recently reached out to heal more you can try
calling 1-800-656-HOPE and get connected to your local rape crisis
center.  I write this because even though you had a terrible family of
origin does not mean that you need to feel like an orphan for the rest
of your life.  If you feel supported by the hotline, that is great, if
not hang up and try again later or reach out to other resources.  Keep
reaching out until you feel so supported in your life and so great in
your life that you no longer feel like an orphan.

You might also want to check out http://malesurvivor.org/ they also have
a conference coming up at the end of this month.  No one needs to deal
with sexual abuse alone.

Feel free to write back with any questions, updates or successes, it
helps give hope to other survivors.

Sincerely,

Amy Marschak

healingfromsexualabuse.com

Thank you Amy for such healing words of advice.  How very kind you are.  

I have this posting to show that reaching out and networking really do pay off.  You need to be connected with others and reach out to people such as Amy Marschak!    

A Parents Right?

           

This is a picture of Claude Rains.  He played Dr. Jaquith in the movie "Now, Voyager". 

It is one of my favorite movies.  I have written about this movie before.  I was thinking how as my parents really did try to do the best for me, they were not educated enough, whether school taught or in lives lessons, to make the right decisions for me.  I did get the nick name Bucky when I was very young as I always wanted to do things my way.  It had to do with the distrust I had for everyone in all the places were sexual molestation took place.  Here are some lines from that wonderful movie that depict a kind of parallel situation.  Details, of course very different but the mind set of the parent or parents is the same. 

Dr. Jaquith-My dear Mrs Vale, if you had deliberately and maliciously planned to destroy your child's life, you couldn't havoc done it more completely.  

Mrs. Vale- How?!  By exercising a mothers rights? 

Dr. Jaquith- A mothers rights?  Twaddle!  (rubbish)

A child has rights a person has rights, to discover their own mistakes , to make their own way, to 

grow and blossom in their won particular soil.  

My moto has always been, Let Children Be Children.  There are so many things children miss if they are used as sexual object.  There are also many things survivors of incest and child sexual abuse miss out on if they in turn are abandoned if they dare to speak of their survival of such atrocities! 

A parent never has the right to use their child for sex.  

Someone Remembers the Day I Died in Bloomer, Wisconsin. PLEASE COME FORWARD

I have been thinking of the day I died--when I was 4 years old.  I was being face fucked by a young man invited to the pot party in Bloomer Wisconsin.  Yes I am coming out regarding the town where some of the most traumatic events of my sexual abuse took place.

My uncle has been dry for many years.  The family could not be more proud of him as am I.  I say it this way as the majority of my relatives who stand by and support this wonderful and brave man for saying "No" to alcohol but they will not stand by me when I was part of the fall out of the alcohol abuse that was in that house.  

It is no secret that alcohol abuse and drug abuse will run hand in hand.  It is no secret that in the mix might be child sexual abuse.   This is what happened with me.  

My uncle used to drink a case of beer a day.  I was only 4 at the time so I do not know about the people he hung out with.  I can only imagine that some of the people he hung out with also liked to drink. 

It was all very exciting when a family friend was left in charge.  I was 4 and my brother was 2.  I was told I was going to the "big boys" room.  There were over a dozen people there.  They got me drunk and high and passed me around.   I orally serviced them all......at least it seemed.    

I remember dangling from the dick of the guy fucking my mouth.  My feet were hitting his shins.  

I struggled to breath.  My body went limp.  My spirit floated upward.  It seemed to happen very quickly. 

There are posts where I have described the space I found myself in before but I think it important to repeat myself. 

I space was rather undefined accept it seemed to be a capsule shape.  It was a light pinkish white.  

There was one entity there.  As a child I naturally stepped forward to get a hug.  The entity put a hand out to my chest to hold me back.  I believe my spirit guide was summoned right away and shortly there after showed up.  The time differentiation to this earthly plain and Heaven is very different.   This place is very negative and moves very slowly compared to the Glory of Home.   This is what the Gnostics believe.  It is a leap of faith.  And I have a few snippets of memories about the other side.  The fond memories are to do with the rain forest.  

I had a consultation with my spirit guide and I had to decide if I wanted to go back and fulfill the remainder of the chart I had chosen.  I was stalling for time and the spirit guide told me I had 20 minutes or if I went back any later than that I would have severe brain damage due to the lack of oxygen to the brain during the time of my near death experience.  

Well since I am typing this you can tell that I chose to come back.  When my spirit landed back in my body there was a deep intake of air and I could instantly feel and hear the heavy heart beat of the young man babysitting me.  Thats all I heard and saw.  The room had been cleared out.  No one wanted to take the rap if the child had decided to stay dead.  

I do not know the actual numbers of people who were there.  I know that one of them gave me gonorrhea.  I was 4 years old and I had gonorrhea.  It is a pity that there were no investigations in 1966. 

I only know that someone remembers the day I died.

*Keep in mind the law is on your side and I can not prosecute you.   Really kind of curious on your perspective of the nights events.