A PRAYER TO THE UNIVERSE

DEAR UNIVERCE. MY PRAYER TO YOU IS THAT ALL OF MY SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES AND MY SOCIALIST IDEAS AND PROJECTS GO FORWARD AND MAKE A GREAT IMPACT ON THIS PLANET EARTH. I WANT TO EMPOWER AS MANY PEOPLE AS I CAN AND DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO HEAL THE EARTH AND ALL ITS LIVING INHABITANTS. I THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU ARE TO ME AND I APPOLOGIVE IF I HAVE HARMED YOU IN ANY WAY.

Not Prepared For Adult Life/ Not Prepared To Work And Preserve Appearances

There are different ways I want people to look at survivors of child sexual abuse. When I see a situation I feel would better explain where a person is in there coming back from child sexual abuse I point out the similarities.

Today I was watching an True Hollywood Story about child actors. In their upbringing they are not really living a normal existence. They have scripts to study and private tutors. They have limited time to just be children and interact socially. During the time they are in front of the camera or doing public appearances they are always "on" as in the character they portray on television or in a movie. This was back in the 60's and 70's. The situation may have changed in the more current years. When the work for the child ends they are thrust out into the public without a public that really cares about them. They are just used and pushed aside.

When a person is experiencing child sexual abuse they are being used. During the time they are sexual objects they are constantly told to act their age. With me I watched other children my own age in order to know how to act. For the most part I shut down emotionally. It was a great deal of work to "act my age". When the child sexual abuse came to end I did not have the social skills to really fit in and I did not have the skills to build the long term friendships that I have seen happen with so many people I know.

To me I saw some very real correlations with the story of child actors and children who are sexually abused. There is no safety net for either. There is a great deal of alcohol and drugs and some have very real issues with sexuality. Having a relationship and building a life with someone is very tricky if you are a survivor of either situation. I have been asked if being sexually molested made me gay. I do not believe that is the way it works.

I have not written at great length about being a Gnostic but here is an opportunity for clarity. I believe that we choose all that we experience in life before we come to this planet. I actually remember some of that process. They say that God does not give you more than you can handle. I do not believe that. God Is a perfect being. It would not be perfect to have God choose what you will experience. When we choose all that we are going to experience we must be accountable for all that we choose. There are some things that we choose and some things that we agree to live through.

Appearances do count for much more than we ever give them credit for. The misperception of appearances is a big part of the reason a survivor of child sexual abuse is slowly pushed aside if the survivor does not continue to work to preserve the appearance of normalcy. If you are gay or bisexual, it is a great deal of work to put on a show about passing as "straight". If you are a survivor of child sexual abuse it is equally a difficult task to brush years of sexual abuse to the side and put on a show that your family is as supportive and loving as they want to appear. It is a great deal of work to not be yourself. Many who place that demand on their child, niece or nephew, brother or sister do not understand the volume of work that that entails. The survivor of child sexual abuse and the family or friends who are not equipped or refuse to ever think that their husband or father or uncle ever touched them in an inappropriate way will never see eye to eye. Most people want to see conclusive proof before they will ever believe that child sexual abuse ever took place. I have stated this before but how is a person to prove anything that happened 20 or more years ago. In todays technological world there is much more of a chance to have video or audio proof of child sexual abuse, especially when many want documentation of their conquests and material that they can go back to for their future sexual pleasures or they trade some of this documentation with other molesters.

I have found in my case that the misperception of my mental impairment is very strong. In my experience when anyone lays down the law and ends the conversation that there are no winners. We need to open up the dialogue and put everything out on the table. If after that happens and you still believe that you can not find a way to have any kind of relationship there needs to be a difficult decision as to part ways. I personally would always leave the door open if anyone would like to come back into my life but there would need to be at least the basic stance of mutual respect. I personally do not have the energy to pretend away all that others are not comfortable dealing with.

It is only with the acceptance of what I have survived that I can deal with it all and fully prepare myself for the adult life that I am living now. Accept yourself and find the support that you so deserve.

Sometimes, When You Lose Your Father, The Molester Remains

I went to a funeral today. It was the death of a friends father. One of the daughters who spoke said,"You are never the same after you lose your father." I believe that once a person acts in a sexual way to their infant or child that you are no longer the father. You are the molester. I believe I lost my father when I was an infant. The really strange and confusing thing is that when the father is gone and the molester is still there, what should I feel about this person? Sometimes you do not have a choice of how your feel toward someone. There are some wicked consequences if you do not play the game about child sexual abuses. Most families will tell you point blank, "You will bury these false memories and never bring them up again. If you do this you can be part of the family." The others, like myself who held on to the belief that honesty is the best policy chose to try to address child sexual abuse.

There are so many instances of unwritten rules. In the job market I was told many times to "play the game". Basically lie. Play along. Don't make waves. Fade into the crowd. If you do anything else you are labeled as someone trying to draw attention to themselves. I am told the same in my private life. I was raised Catholic and they taught me to be honest. Oh, but lets not mention when that visiting priest felt you up when he "helped" you on with that cassock.

I lost my father long ago. He took himself away from me. He also took the rest of the family with him. Then he stood back and tossed me under the bus when I began having memories of the many times he would put his penis in my mouth. What should I feel about this family man? This upstanding community man. This man who volunteered in the cub scouts, who raised a family of 4 with many vacations and family dogs, with all the outward appearances that showed the neighbors and everyone what a wonderful man he is. I would be part of this family if I only smiled and said everything is just fine. Everything is as fine as Ward and June Cleaver looking that we strive for it to be. For me to do that I believe I would lose part of my soul.

For some their family is like having the whole world. What good is it if a man should gain the whole world and yet lose his own soul. I choose not to lose my soul. I guess since many will not answer my letters about trying to address child sexual abuse that this is one family legacy that will continue. I sadly have no power over this. I reached out and warned my sisters of what could happen. Let us hope he did not act upon his yearnings. I guess that if this does in fact continue that I find some 2nd or 3rd cousin willing enough to be honest as I have and actually try to address this epidemic.

Anatomy of Heartbreak/ Continuing Cycle

I have recently been thinking of how my father/molester told me I broke my mothers heart. There was a long separation between us. Almost 20 years. That happened because I could not get support for some volunteer work I was involved with. The only thing my relation wanted to hear about was the weather my work and my social life as far as movies concerts a walk in the park. Not the most open to a "rainbow lifestyle". Oh well. Move on. I was pretty much burning out and I told them if I could not get support I would just contact them when my volunteer project was over. It took longer than expected. I contacted my parents after the project ended. Shortly after that both my parents had strokes. I went to my home town for the first time in 20 years to see my mother at a rehabilitation hospital. She didn't like the food and gave the staff a few recipes for casseroles. I was rather shocked at her appearance when I first saw her. She was much older than I thought she would appear. She looked angry and tired. She told me in detail what happened with the details of her stroke with each step of the morning it happened. The alarm clock, the morning rituals, including the coffee in the kitchen where she had the stroke. I did not visit when my father/molester had his stroke I don't know how many months prior. My mother offered to have me stay in the spare room in their basement. I declined. I also declined to speak with my father/molester. I have been waiting for 20 years for him to answer a letter I wrote to him. I drove home and continued my life. I continued to write as well. I believe that was 3 or 4 letters ago. Now I am dealing with passive aggressiveness. I want to send her a card with a little boy speaking with his mother.....a Christmas Card that would read, "Mom, am I a son-of-a-Bitch"?!? How bout a card asking if she would like a new saddle or a tall ladder to get off her "High Horse"!!!! Maybe I could find one of those record your own cards and include a poem about "M" is for the many times...... I could open up a can of nastiness that would even shock me when I re-read it many months later. But that would only be continuing the back and forth volleying of hate and vengefulness. Getting back at someone who hurt you. Step back and ask yourself where did this begin? Did it begin with me? (I speak as a survivor of child sexual abuse) Did it begin with the survivor of child sexual abuse? It could not have! Logic dictates that what ever a person is reacting from happened to them first. There is acception to that rule as some people act differently after a major car accident with a brain injury. I do not know the variables regarding that situation.

I looked up "stages of heartbreak" and came to a site that explained perfectly what I believe. I was thinking of my mother and what she had gone through. This is what I found.


http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak_progress

The Physical Pain

Anyone who's ever gone through the emotional pain of a heartbreak more often than not can express the experience through the form of some type of physical pain. Emotions affect physical health in more ways than many realize, but how does the body physically feel the emotional loss; in other words, what is it that brings pain to the heartbreak?

"Pain is the way the mind responds to trouble inside the body," says Alex Zautra, a professor of psychology at Arizona State University. "Emotion is the same way. Whether you feel love or sadness is also a response to something you feel outside the body. With pain it is a closer-in response, to something inside the body, but it is a response in an attempt to learn about and motivate recovery."

The depression caused by heartbreak creates a barrier that can prevent us from feeling and experiencing life to the fullest, in all aspects. Symptoms vary byindividual and range from withdrawal from society to
physical sickness and pain. You lose a part of yourself when connections are lost, and its not far-fetched to say that you feel completely empty inside. There's an ache, a deep ache that erupts from the inside of our bodies longing for the past. The pain is real and there's no other way to describe how bad it really hurts than to name it heartbreak. Its a longing for the past and the pain of feeling completely empty and abandoned. It makes it hard to get up in the morning and to get through the day, but all wounds are inevitably healed through time, and thus you hope for the future to approach quicker.

When a person feels secluded or feels loss, changes in the brain's blood flow occur. The anterior cingulate cortex (responsible for regulating physical pain distress) becomes more active during these times. This is seen in victims of depression who also register physical pain due to the detection of nociception, which triggers a variety of responses, one which results in the experience of pain. People who are depressed or who are under extreme stress are more at risk to develop heart disease and other cardiovascular diseases based on research that found depression to help in thickening artery walls .

Although most pain of heartbreak is not that severe, it still has a profound effect on daily living. Symptoms of breakup might include loss of appetite, insomnia, headaches, stomachaches, nausea, a ton of tears, occasional nightmares, alcohol/substance abuse, depression, eating disorders, panic attacks, loss of interest, fatigue, loneliness and hopelessness.


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My heart felt a kinship with the words written about the physical pain. I felt bad that I am sure that my mother did experience this. I am angry that my father/molester has blamed me for harming my mother so brutally. To think of what the majority of people in my family/relation must feel about me......I am one of the most hated people I know. If you are a person who has tried to address child sexual abuse in your own family I am sure we are part of a Very Large Family Of Survivors! YOU MUST ALWAYS KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE! There are a great many people dealing with the same sad situation where your father/molester has tossed you under the bus. ( I was thinking of having a Halloween costume to represent) I could see myself in a plain white jump suit with tire tracks all over it! I was going to go so far as to investigate the actual cars certain people drove to have the correct imprint! Maybe some day. That would be funny and empowering if that became a trend. All the people who have been tossed under the bus.
We could take some group pictures but know we are strong enough to continue. No Matter What. And WITHOUT TAKING THE LAW INTO OUR OWN HANDS! *VERY IMPORTANT!


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http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak_progress


The Stages of Heartbreak:
Someone who is dealing with heartbreak follows patterns similar to those of the stages of death

1.Shock and Denial- you may deny the reality of the situation; this provides emotional protection from feeling overwhelmed by the situation. The shock of loss allows a state of emptiness to move in, clouding most judgment.

2.Pain and Guilt-after the shock wears off it becomes replaced with suffering and unbearable pain. Regret for things you did wrong, or things that you weren’t able to do with this person adds to further tears. Life feels chaotic during this time, and its best to openly discuss feelings and stray from bottling up your emotions

3. Anger and Bargaining- lashing out is a common form of attempting to release all unspoken emotions. This is the stage where the “why why why?!” questioning comes in. The pleas for returned love run rapid, trying to bargain with fate or with the person who was just lost.

4. Depression, Reflection, and Loneliness- like everyone else in this situation, a period of sadness clouds and
absorb your entire sense of being, leaving feelings of emptiness. This feeling occurs when you finally realize and accept the magnitude of your loss. Isolation from people is exceedingly normal, and offers a time to reflect on the past.

5. Acceptance and an Upward Turn- The feelings of depression lift slightly and life becomes possible to survive without that person so deeply intertwined with each activity. The days are a little easier to shuffle through, and you see the possibility of continuation. The reality of the situation is fully accepted and, although happiness may not return for some time, the ability to move forward has occurred.


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I can not tell you how relieved I was to actually find this written out in such an intelligent way! There may be some who have a slightly different explanation and with the many people on this planet I am sure that there
would be many variations for as many people. There is no graph or pie chart to explain how long each stage lasts as that is such a personal thing. What ever that personal experience is is something that I consider sacred. Sacred in that what ever happens with each person is what should happen with each person and it is of the "Utmost private thing". WE CAN NOT JUDGE. WE HAVE TO TRY TO BE THE BEST SUPPORT FOR EACH OTHER THAT WE CAN. I personally believe that number 5 is the hardest to get to. There are just some things that you just can not wrap your mind around. In your wildest dreams you can not believe that the situation you are in could ever happen! And to you! BUT YOUR STILL HERE ARNT YOU! So thank GOD that you are a survivor~! AND TRUST ME IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOU HAVE SURVIVED EVERYTHING TO DATE!
Number 5 is where some people will never get to. I believe one of those people is my mother. I am so hated because of that. If I am at fault at all, my father/molester is equally guilty. He is guilty of lies and I am guilty of honesty. Remember, if you have read any of my blog you know that I am ready to take any test to calculate any mental impairment on my part as long as my father/molester would consent to a polygraph.

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If I was part of the act of breaking my mothers heart, did it begin with me? Think logically for a moment. My mother is what age? and I am what age? The only way to look at this logically is that a survivor of child sexual abuse has their heart broken before their mother has their heart broken. It is a horrible thing to think about, your mother's heard breaking but I acted "in the moment" and as my mother "will not accept/will not face?/will never believe" that her loving, supportive, very involved family man could ever or would ever sexually molest his/their son" I have a hard time pretending that the years of sexual abuse didn't happen. "as he proclaimed".

Reread the stages of the Anatomy of Heartbreak and know that many infants and children experience just that as they grow up and survive child sexual abuse. There needs to be equal compassion to the survivors as well as the wives of molesters.



The cycle seems to be in an infinite loop. How many years have we been trying to address child sexual abuse? How have we made progress? How have we failed? Who is speaking and being heard? How have they done that? Are the people who are being heard making any progress? How do get heard if we DO have some answers and no one will listen?

No Guarantee Of Support

Many years ago I was having a great deal of difficulty speaking with my parents. There were many contributing factors. I remember my mother telling me you can tell us anything! That does not guarantee you will continue to have support for who you are. It reminds me of a book I read many years ago. It is called,"Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am?" The answer is, "If I tell you who I am you may not like me." That is to say you might have some prejudices you have not addressed as yet. And maybe you don't want to. You may have some misinformation imbedded in your head that you are just plain happy to hold on to. It's the easiest thing to do. Change is difficult. Change rocks the boat and causes people to rethink many things and many people. Change can cause a great deal of pain. And the person being blamed for causing that pain is person who is a survivor of child sexual abuse. In this case anyway.


A friend of mine and I were talking at work and he told me of 3 gay couples who were planning on suing the state for the right to get married. He expressed that it was the wrong thing to do and I stated that if a very large number of couples came forward at once it would hold more impact. My friend said that some people choose to be the perpetual victim.

It got me to thinking that that is what it seems to be for the majority of people that come forward as survivors of child sexual abuse. The following words (next paragraph) I have copied and pasted from a note on Facebook. I do not wish to diminish the horrible nightmare that the parents went through when they lost their child. I only want to point out that when an infant or child is sexually molested it is much like being killed. The person that was going to be is no longer. Everything has changed and when you realize that you did survive child sexual abuse you need to morn the loss of that childhood. Survivors of child sexual abuse often hear the same callus things outlined below from "friends and family".

(From Facebook)
Losing our child/children did not guarantee us that we would receive compassion and understanding from others. It did not guarantee us that family and friends would understand our pain, our he...artbreak, our actions, our choices. It did not guarantee us that we would receive no more trial in our lives. Quite the opposite...we lose family and friends, we have been told to "get over it" to stop crying....well, one thing it does guarantee us is that we will meet the people we are supposed to meet, the ones who care, the ones who understand and I am thankful for those who have held my hand through this nightmare of a journey through grief.


(The response from a childhood friend of mine)
It breaks my heart that anyone would tell you and Jean to stop crying and get over it. Those of us who have never lost a child can in no way comprehend the pain and anguish that you have endured. I love you guys and will continue to keep you in my prayers!!


I do not believe that my friend knew this couple. My friend is married and a grandmother now. I do not know how she would respond to finding out I was a survivor of child sexual abuse. I would hope that she would have about the same response.


It is a very difficult thing to do as far as who to trust with your heart and who you can "come out to" as a survivor of sexual abuse. Sometimes you only have connections on the internet with others who are in the same boat or in a worse situation than you are. I find it difficult not to think of the children who are being molested as I write this and how many have been molested in the time it will take me to write this blog post! How many children have been molested and how many will be tossed under the bus in the future? How many years does this cycle continue?

Do you have a game plan or an idea to expand on the "works in progress" game plan that I have? PLEASE join in the conversation.

Postings At The University Of Minnesota and Augsburg College

I am working on some postings for the University of Minnesota. I am going to the U of M today to investigate the best places to reach the most number of people who may be studying or addressing the epidemic of child sexual abuse.

I am trying to do some networking.

I am going to encourage people at the U of M to help network with people of other schools.

If you are from the U of M and are checking this out, please pass on this information to others you know who are involved in some way with this cause.

I am looking for people studying psychology and law.

If you are writing a paper or a thesis I encourage you to read my blog and prove or disprove what I have to say with my theories
and ideas on how to address child sexual abuse.

I will give updates about this if I get responses.

I am also very open to public speaking engagements. I have over 15 years of experience in public speaking about many different subjects of social issues and social justice.

Please contact me if you want to invite me for some public speaking.


I was finally able to get to the U of M and to Augsburg College today. There is so much contraction there.....such a pain!
Anyway....I found out that unless you are a student at most of these establishments you can not post anything. There were a few public posting spots on the main court yard of the U of M in front of Northrop Auditorium where I left a notice with little tear strips with blog addy's.

I was able to leave a flier with little tear strips at a councilors office at Augsburg College and also I posted at a psychology department area after asking one of the students if it was OK to do so. She said that she didn't think I needed clearance before posting. I thanked her and posted! I would look forward to speaking with any or all of the students at the 3 or 4 places I was able to post.

I did not get permission but I did post at a law school bulletin board. I would certainly like work with a law student. Knowing the law more closely and working to change the law in order to help balance the field for the safely of children would be a great step.

If you are studying psychology and want to prove or disprove my theories on how to address child sexual abuse please contact me!

If you are a person studying law and would like to work with me to help change some of the laws in order to help protect children more and to address child sexual abuse in a more direct way I would ask you to please contact me.


Let us please get a group of fresh minds together who are all working to address child sexual abuse more directly to actually bring the number of actual molestations down.

Lashing Out Is Not The Way To Deal With Fresh Memories Of Child Sexual Abuse

When I wrote a letter to my pedophile outlining the full details of my memories of his involvement of my molestation I was very angry that he would have the immediate response of "It didn't happen!" I was very blunt and "in your face" about the entire matter. I did not pull any punches. I explained he crossed boundaries and he no longer would be considered my "father" as there are some boundaries that when you cross over them you can not come back from. I always compare it to virginity. You can never be a virgin again when you cross that boundary.

The trauma of experiencing child sexual abuse is huge. It is a trauma that is for the most part not seen. You may see unusual behavior in a child around the time of the sexual molestation but most of the actual acts are very hidden. The trauma of being confronted for molesting your own child is huge. It is wide open and out there for everyone to see. There is evident pain and a great deal of crying. The "bad guy" is the person who caused the pain and trauma that is evident to see. That "bad guy" in this case is me. That is the general consensus. Appearances really do count for a lot.

I really hate when a person lies to me or about me. Do what ever you want to me but do not lie to me or about me. That is the worst. I really do believe that having a team on your side around the time of your memories resurfacing is a very important component of addressing child sexual abuse. Give the molester in question every opportunity to come forward and address this issue within your family with an educated and neutral team. Watch the calendar and take action before the 10 years run out. Do everything in your power to investigate the "Truth Between Two People".

Lashing out is not the right thing to do. That was a hard learned lesson. Without someone there giving me advice for the next step I did what was for me a natural step. Think about how I learned how not to pull punches. I learned that from my molester. He never pulled punches either.

We need to reach people at the time they begin to have the memories of child sexual abuse and at that point there needs to be the investigation of "The Truth Between Two People".

A Developing Formula To End Child Sexual Abuse

There are many components to the complete process that I have in mind to combat and bring an end to child sexual abuse. This is a formula in progress.

An infant/child/person needs to have protection at every stage of life. Keep in mind that that infant or child IS a PERSON and you DO NOT OWN THAT PERSON.

*For clarification I would like to state that the first part of this "works in progress" is for any person going through any kind of training to be parents. This information should be repeated from every source who is speaking with any person interested in having children. It should start in high school. At my high school the students who took parenting classes had to carry around a five pound bag of sugar or flour.

It sounds crazy to bring up but I think it important. It should be spoken, "There should be no penetration of any kind." Not in the mouth, anus or vagina. (Unless it is with a qualified doctor and a witness and a real medical exam is in progress) There should also be "No Penetration" of any kind in the other direction either with an infant or child with an adult in any orifice, the mouth, anus or vagina. In my own experience, my father was concerned that I would remember what was happening to me when I was an infant. It should be repeated many times that an infant or child WILL REMEMBER. There will be both memories of the event and body memories, even if the the infant or child is asleep. The memories WILL SURFACE in some way when the infant or child grows up.

*If a student has any kinds of memories of penetration that was done in a sexual a manor there should be a private discussion and a plan put in place for that person to have counseling to address any kind of molestation that may have taken place.

I believe that if the words are spoken with the rule "NO PENETRATION" of any kind that that alone could be key in bringing the number of molestations down.

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I believe that in part the old stand by story writing of the past, "What I did on my summer vacation" should be watched very closely. There is also the situation that when a child changes so dramatically there should be some kind of investigation. In my own situation, when I first began school in the first grade I would go early and stop into each of the 4 teachers class rooms for a short visit. When I got to the second grade I sat very quietly in my chair and did not visit each teacher. The summer vacation was filled with much sexual abuse. I do remember a teacher coming to find me in my home room and she asked if I was alright and of course I had no idea that there was something wrong as I had buried the memories.

The early years of school are when a child is most vulnerable. Their personalities are still forming and sometimes a dramatic change is not easy to spot. Sometimes a parent or teacher are so stretched that they do not see a change. The parent/teacher conferences are a perfect place to explore abuse issues and a professional involved with child abuse issues should be in attendance of these meetings. There should also be an occasional visit from a child sexual abuse expert to a classroom for a good touch bad touch chat.

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When children reach the age of puberty I believe it would be important to have a chat with the boys and girls in regards to the current statistics of child sexual abuse. The talk should be honest and informative. These are young adults capable of beginning their own life of molestation that they most likely were taught and programed to carry out from an early age. In most cases of child molestation it is a secret family tradition. In the talk with
these young people in puberty it should be said that 1 in (?) children are molested and 1 in (?) will grow up to actually grow up to carry on this epidemic. With the ever growing class rooms this I believe will cause these young people to look around and think who could be in their class who could be part of this epidemic. At this time during a class there should be a frank talk about the different kinds of sexualities and it should be explained that it is normal to be attracted to what ever you are attracted to.

[Unfortunately I believe it is also to be considered "NATURAL" to be attracted to infants and young children if you are molested as an infant or young child yourself] *IT IS A PART OF NATURE (UNFORTUNATELY) so it has to be considered natural) I do not know the statistics of the number of people who are attracted to infants or young children as a result of their own molestation. I do consider myself lucky that I am not one of those people. I personally am attracted to people who are 5 to 10 years older than myself. I have noticed I am attracted to persons with my fathers build. That is my connection to my own molestation. ***IT SHOULD BE STRESSED THAT AN INFANT OR CHILD OR YOUNG ADULT DOES NOT HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE A DECISION TO HAVE ANY SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH AN ADULT. YOU WILL DAMAGE AN INFANT OR CHILD PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, PSYCHOLOGICALLY AND SPIRITUALLY AND YOU WILL ALTER THAT PERSONS LIFE AND EVERY PERSON THEY COME IN CONTACT WITH TILL THE DAY THEY DIE. THE RIPPLES OF DAMAGE WILL CONTINUE FOR MANY YEARS AFTER YOU LEAVE THIS PLANET.

There should be an expert on hand when these talks are conducted and the option of speaking with that expert one on one should be offered if a young person is being threatened or acted upon or if that young child has noticed that they are in fact attracted to infants or young children in a sexual way. Hopefully you will reach that person in puberty before he or she has acted upon those feelings. Here is where the expert should step in with a plan of how to NOT act upon those feelings and find alternative ways to deal with these "unfortunate natural feelings". NATURAL DOES NOT MEAN NORMAL.

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Exploring what happened to the adult who is attracted to infants and children in a sexual way is very important. All I ever wanted to do when I first began having memories of child sexual abuse was to ask my own father what happened to him. My own father was not open to this. He refused to speak to me privately and in turn he has tossed me under the bus. Many people, relatives and family and "his" friends are now riding on that bus.
Those people would NEVER BELIEVE that my father could ever have molested me. There is no chance that they would ever change their minds as there is no evidence other than the lack of a relationship to him and many people, relatives and family. There is a way to investigate "the truth between two people" but if my father would refuse to speak to me one on one, what are the chances that he would ever agree to a polygraph test and counseling that would follow? There would be no chance.

I have written about this next part before but it is important to repeat myself here.

I believe that there should be team of people to help when someone begins to have memories of child sexual abuse. Every effort should be made to have a "one on one" with the molester in question. A one on one WITH an expert neutral party. There should be an investigation about what may have happened to the person believed to be a molester. If the person believed to have been the molester does not cooperate, then there should be legal action taken. There should be a polygraph test and also equal tests for the person who believes they were molested. There of course will be talk of "false memories" from the alleged molester, but I wonder if it has ever been brought up about the possible "false memories" about being a good parent!


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For a well rounded approach to addressing child sexual abuse I absolutely believe that ALL PEOPLE SHOULD COUNT, AND BE COUNTED. There are many people in this world who's abuses are never reported, or counted.
I am one of those persons. I have thought about a way to have everyone count and I would call it the Zip-Code Project. There should be a survey of people who's abuses were never reported. The person in question would put down their zip code and the year or years they were molested. There would also be a short questionnaire about the acts that were perpetrated against them. We would begin to see the full impact of this epidemic if and when this Project were carried out. In turn there would be a way to see where there needs to be more education. We could see how the epidemic has lasted and grown in different parts of the country and the world depending on how readily used this Zip-Code Project is used.


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There are some who believe that we should imprison all molesters. While there intention is good I do not believe that they have really thought about "The Next Step". That is one thing that has to be done abstractly.
YOU CAN NOT THINK ABOUT THE NEXT STEP JUST WITHIN YOUR OWN STEPS. YOU MUST THINK IN TERMS OF A LARGE COMMUNITY OR ENTIRE COUNTRY. MANY PRISONS ARE FILLED TO CAPACITY AS IT IS. WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE IMPRISONED EVERY MOLESTER, AND WHAT ABOUT THE IMPACT THEY HAVE ALREADY PLANTED IN THE MINDS AND BODIES OF INFANTS AND YOUNG CHILDREN?!? WE DO NOT HAVE THE RESOURCES TO IMPRISON ALL THE MOLESTERS. WE NEED TO GET TO THE CORE OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE AND ADDRESS IT FROM THERE.

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Do my words have reason and logic? That is the question. I have long been labeled crazy and mentally impaired because of the actions that I took and I believe this is due to many years of child sexual abuse. I have never had involved in a major car accident or had any kind of major head injury to explain any "crazy behavior". Is there any other way to explain away my actions other than child sexual abuse? For me I can think of no other explanation. Could this blog come across to anyone that I am a raging lunatic? I have done everything to think of reasonable and logical ways to treat every person with respect and equality. I believe for each person who is suspected of child sexual abuse there should be equal tests for the person who believes they have been molested.


If there are any psychology experts in the field of child sexual abuse out there who would step forward to voice there opinion, I would be very grateful.

As I have stated in the beginning, this is a works in progress to address child sexual abuse and bring it to an end. If there are others out there, experts or survivors who wish to add to this formula please step forward and thank you as always for following my blog.

The Famous Case Of The Youngest Mother

This post is a copy and paste from http://panachereport.com. I have written a short response after this article.


FIVE-YEAR OLD MOTHER:

Lina Medina was born in Peru in 1933. She gave birth in 1938, at the age of 5 years, 7 months and 21 days and is the youngest confirmed mother in medical history. This world record is closely followed by a similar case in Russia.

Lina was brought to the hospital by her parents at the age of 5 because of an increasing abdominal size. She was originally thought to have a tumor but her doctors determined she was in her seventh month of pregnancy.

Dr. Gerardo Lozado took her to Lima, the capital of Peru to have specialists confirm that Lina was pregnant. Further examinations revealed a fetal heartbeat and an X-ray confirmed the pregnancy.

A month later, Lina gave birth to a baby boy by a caesarian section, necessitated by her small pelvis.

Her son weighed 5.9 lbs at birth and was named Gerardo after her doctor. Gerardo was raised believing that Lina was his sister but found out later that she was his mother at the age of ten.

He grew up healthy but died in 1979 at the age of 40 of a diseased bone marrow.

Her case was reported in ‘La Presse Medicale,’ additional details stated, that her menstruation started at age 3 and her breast development started at age 4. There was never evidence that Lina Medina’s pregnancy occurred in any but the usual way but she never revealed the father of the child or the circumstances of her impregnation.

Lina’s father was temporarily jailed on suspicion of incest but he was released for a lack of evidence and authorities were never able to determine who fathered Lina’s child.

When Lina was further questioned-by police, she couldn’t give precise responses because of her young age. Doctors stressed the importance of getting adequate care for the little girl.

Meanwhile, the story was picked up by ‘The New York Times,’ The Los Angeles Times,’ and ‘United Press International.’ Plans called for Lina, her son, and parents to travel to the United States (Chicago) to be examined by a five-man medical commission but there was no follow-up indicating the Medina family actually made the journey.

Lina would marry and have a second son, who is grown and currently resides in Mexico. Lina and her husband currently live in the ‘Little Chicago” district of Lima.

Lina refused an interview with ‘Reuters,’ in 2002.

Today, Lina Medina is 75 years old and she still will ‘not’ divulge the identity of Gerardo’s father.



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This is most shocking. I first heard about this sad story many years ago. Having come across this story recently I felt it important to share it here. It is very unusual that this young girl began her menstrual cycle at such a young age. Could you imagine if that were just a normal thing? The only good thing about that is many times if a young girl is raped there would be conclusive evidence. It seems that to fulfill there need for sex with a child that many molesters lose all regard for life and many infants and young children are killed. I think we have all seen the little chip that many pet owners have installed just under the skin of their animal(s). It is a GPS devise to track them and sometimes it has medical information on it. I am not sure at this writing if people do this but if I had a child I would run to the doctor and have this done. I would then test it out by having a friend or other family member take the little child or children for ice cream, somewhere.

The father of Lina was arrested for suspicion of incest. Usage of DNA in a the legal system in the US didn't even start until 1987. I am not sure but I believe it would have been later in Peru.

Dear FACT

Dear FACT,

It seems to me that there needs to be a systematic way to address child sexual abuse and it all begins with the memories.

From the very first memories of child sexual abuse there needs to be a team. A very specific team who know what is going to happen next.

I believe that what happens in every case is going to be relatively the same. NOTE: The memories will be different but the process at which they surface will be relatively the same.

There will be something that will trigger the beginning of the memories. It will usually be very traumatic and a person will get wild flashes of scenes of what they have survived. (Always remember and use the word survived! I believe it gives empowerment. You are still here and you HAVE SURVIVED!)

With the first memories of child sexual abuse I turned to the people who have always told me, "You can tell us anything!" Those people were my parents. I guess this part of the claim was not covered under their initial support!

What happened to me is that the immediate words and the only words that were spoken were, "It didn't happen!"

I was really baffled by this as I had no idea at the time that the first person who sexually molested me was my own father!

The memories were not all there for me, and they never will be "all there" for anyone who "begins" to remember child sexual abuse. Memories as far as what I have read in all the documents out there are not going to be complete when you first begin to have them.

One way to try to convince me that I was mentally impaired and to keep my from being vocal about this was to proclaim to me and to anyone in ear shot that I always changed my story.

When a person begins to have memories their story is never complete. What will happen is that the story is not really changing at all it is only filling out and becoming complete! There is a very real difference there. While each story may have similarities, each story for each individual is going to be different and each story is very important as this shows that each individual is important! WE ARE ALL IMPORTANT AND EACH SURVIVORS STORY NEEDS TO BE COMPLETE. We each need to know fully what we have survived in order to deal with each detail and to move forward.

OK......About the team.



For me the entire reason I have been for the last 20 years trying to address child sexual abuse was to actually make a difference, to get education out there and to bring the actual numbers down. To address this issue at the very core is the only way to really address it. For me it has to be addressed in the same way you would address a math problem.


I believe there needs to be a campaign to reach people who are just beginning to have the memories. They are the people who need to be reached.
They need to have a team of people who can guide them as to what to expect next. I do not know the stages of what is next, I only know that I lived through them. (Again...I am a survivor!)


When a person begins to have memories they need to know there are people who do believe them. I believe it would be beneficial to have the person who begins to have the memories take appropriate tests to asses their metal capacity. The main thing that happens time and time again is that you are labeled as crazy. Nip that in the bud right away! (as Barney Phief would say!)

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It is not my intention to make quick buck or live off anyone so it is my suggestion that we try to trace as far as we can, the beginning of the sexual abuse in your own family. The statistics show that the majority of sexual abuse is from someone you know. OK. With me, I would begin by having an honest talk with my father. Many years ago he told me about when he was in an iron lung. I am not sure of how long he was encased in this contraption. What he told me is about the puddle of tears that were under him each time his family visited him. He was mostly face down in this "thing" and one night an employee of the hospital stepped up behind him.....and raped him.

My father needs to speak about the full memory of details of what happened.

I am not sure here....I can only speculate it but.....I would not doubt if his own father molested him. I always had a distrust of my fathers father. He was always a very gruff man and not very inviting. I kept my distance. We need to talk about everything that he remembers and find out if he is still attracted to children.
We need to make sure that he is never around children by himself.

As for my own story......I needed to explore more closely what happened on a certain farm in Wisconsin. I did for a short time have the assistance of an aunt of mine. I was so very appreciative of her for taking the time to meet with me and talk about what was happening to me with my sudden and disturbing memories. I had details of the house where I was molested just a little too perfect and I also had the first name of the man who molested me on the farm and caused my near death experience. The person I named was a long standing friend of the family. I was 4 years old. I know they took pictures. Yes it was 1966 but they could still exist today. I recently sent my uncle (the man married to the aunt that initially helped me) an email. He happens to be a pastor. I sent the message to him via a yahoo address for my Facebook page to address child sexual abuse. He did not answer my email. I posted the letter on my blog with a note stating that I felt there were enough details in my story that my uncle would determine it was me. He had to face this as my uncle and as a man of the cloth. As a man he ignored me. As a pastor he ignored me. If he was someone who was doing his job, please excuse me, he would seek out two people. The person to evaluate my mental capacity and the person who could be my councilor to if in fact I had survived child sexual abuse. To me it is just that simple.

They say that a man who has nothing to hide, hides nothing. Any loving supportive father would not hesitate to step in and support their child. Any father who had nothing to hide would speak openly. The subject of if they knew what they did was wrong would have to be brought up. The subject of to what degree were they able to control their desires would have to be brought up. Each persons details (once they believe they have had them all) are going to be different.

If the "loving, supportive father" is not willing to cooperate to address child sexual abuse, I believe that the lawyer would have to step in.

I believe there should be a law which proves, "The Truth Between Two People".

As with the person who has the "alleged child sexual abuse memories" as will be proclaimed by many; what about the honesty of the molester in question?
I believe that the person in question should have a polygraph test. I have the belief in total fairness. Equal and opposite tests.

Again I am not suggesting that this be a quick easy fix for financial reasons. This is only to begin to bring the ever growing numbers of sexual abuse cases down.....to really.......http://addresschildsexualabuse.blogspot.com/



This started out as a letter and ended up both a letter and a blog post.


FAMILY AND CHILD TREATMENT OF SOUTHERN NEVADA
6431 W Sahara Suite 200
Las Vegas, NV 89146
Phone: 258-5855 Fax: 258-9767
info@factsnv.org


It is all about the networking!


Virgo (Aug.23-Sept.22.) In part my horoscope reads: What looks like a no-brainer to you may be far from obvious to the person dealing with the situation.

I just saw this horoscope for today and thought it fit.

Dear Pastor Schwerin

Dear Pastor Schwerin,

I am writing to you for spiritual advise and also advise as to how I can move forward.

I have been trying to speak with my family for over 20 years about my surviving child sexual abuse. I come from a very large family and there are only very small handful who are willing have anything to do with me. In this high tech world of staying connected my own sisters and many other family will not even “friend” me on Facebook. There is one aunt who was a teacher and former religious who absolutely refused to believe it or speak of it in any way! For the most part I hear about family / relative news is from an uncle who lives on the west coast! Even with my own mother I have called written and visited and I hear nothing back.

I did have one aunt who agreed to meet with me and discuss child sexual abuse. We met around 3 or 4 times and out of the blue she cut me out of her life. No answering phone calls or any kind of mail. That was over 10 years ago.

I have been writing a blog about this experience. I have been reaching out to all factions of people who are affected in some way by child sexual abuse and have had some success in building up a network. The networking that really needs to happen is with my family and relatives.

This is an epidemic that is often times generational.


What should I do when I reach out to an aunt who refuses to speak with me about her brother sexually molesting me and when I do finally reach her she repeats a phone number for me and she changes one number and makes a joke out of it?

Do you think it is possible to have any kind of relationship with a family that for the most part has tossed me under the bus? What would be my next step? Do I contact the husband of one of my aunts who is a Pastor?

Thank you for your time and energy,

http://addresschildsexualabuse.blogspot.com/


This is a letter I wrote to an aunt of mines husband. I would believe that he would see enough of the details of my life to realize who it is. I plan on sending this to him in regular mail. I will let you know if and when he responds to it.

I actually found an email for the church he is a Pastor at and sent the email labeled "confidential to Pastor Schwerin".

I have no idea if he will see this blog or if he will respond in any way. We shall see.

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Sunday, October 30th.

I have known my share of people who have lived the religious life. That does not mean in any way that they are actually spiritual or really follow any of the rules set down by what ever religion that they choose to follow. It just means that some wear a costume and proclaim all that they need to proclaim by what ever religion that they choose to follow. I do not say that all people who live the religious life but many of the people I know fit into this category.

It appears that my uncle the pastor has decided to not respond to my email. I have known for many years a mantra taught to many religious persons. This is from the Catholic Faith. "Deny everything, admit nothing!" That has been forced in the other direction in some cases of child sexual abuse but that is the usual gist of how they react to something like the email I sent. That is one thing and when provoked they tell their "white lies".

I am not surprised by the non-response to my email. It looks as if another person has boarded the bus. The same bus that I was tossed under. This is not upsetting to me at all. A very dear friend of mine asked me about this blog recently and said he was worried about me because it looked as if I was going out searching to be let down and abandoned even more than I have already. I do not think that this is the case. There are many steps to take to undo what has been around for many years. Most likely more years than we could even know. If you do not reach out and ask the people in your life for help, how will you know if they are going to help you or not. I believe there will be many more doors shut in my face before I reach through to a larger audience who are like minded and strong enough to really make a change in the numbers of actual numbers of children being molested.

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I have been thinking of comments I made about "costume wearing" and I feel it was not entirely fair. I feel I did give my uncle ample time to comment or respond to my email but I also feel I was a little too harsh. I do not know his schedule and I do not know all that is included in his vows. I am not one who should be a judge about anyone. I am disappointed but I will not judge. I will continue to reach him and this time I will send the same letter addressed to "Uncle Rich".
I remember the first name of the man who included me in group sex when I was 4 years old. I believe that person is most likely still alive and may still be molesting children. I remember that there were photographs taken of me during that party. I am going to see if he will help me at least find out the last name of the man who molested me. It is difficult to trust and for some reason I have a fear that the molester in question may actually be given a tip off of what I am trying to do.

Age Appropriate Sexual Abuse Preventative Plan

Age Appropriate Sexual Abuse Preventative Plan

January 29Th, 2010

According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, child sexual abuse is reported up to 80,000 times per year which is staggering. As alarming as that number is, the thought that many sexual abuse cases go unreported only increases the need for parents to talk to their children about sexual assault/abuse. Many children fear what will happen to them if they tell and therefore remain silent. The psychological toll that their silence creates can be devastating to a child.

Parents should be proactive and make sure that their child understands what a good touch or bad touch is and make sure to develop open communication when it comes to their bodies. Prevent Child Abuse America has developed an age-appropriate Preventative Plan that goes as follows:

18 months- Teach child proper names for body parts.

3 Years Old- Use coloring/reading books to teach child about private parts; explain to child how to scream “NO” if he/she feels uncomfortable when touched a certain way.

5 – 8 Years Old- Make sure the child understands the difference between being touched on their private parts and other areas
of their body; Begin talking about outdoor safety to prevent molestation and/or abduction; create open dialogue to discuss uncomfortable situations.

At 8 Years Old- Stress personal safety outside the home; discuss appropriate sexual conduct.

12 – 18 Years Old- Parents should begin discussing STD’s, date rape, pregnancy prevention and the effects of drugs and alcohol.*


This is from the website http://sexualabuseexperts.com/

I save many sites addressing child sexual abuse. This is one of the last I have found. I really believe we could do wonders if we organized many of these sites to be working on solutions together. Let me start the emails.............

*When you do give the talk about drugs and alcohol please do some research. The drug talk I got was, "Don't do drugs or you'll jump out of a 3rd floor window!"

The Origin and Growth Of "Bad Blood"

One thing that I have heard many times and have repeated here is the rule of "For every action there is and equal and opposite reaction. Recently a sister of mine asked for my mailing address through an email. I suggested that she accept my friendship on face book and I would give her my address there. She refused and said she didn't understand why I made such a big deal about it. She would not accept my friendship on face book even though she had accepted 143 friends to date. I do not believe that she put up such a fuss with many or any of the 143 that she befriended before my request. She said she didn't "get it" why I made such a fuss. For me, it would simply establish that we were friends. It really is a simple thing. It was complex for my sister.

I looked up the quote "Appearances count for everything" but could not find it's origin. I think I was told that by a few people who had knowledge of business practices. Appearances count for everything. I am beginning to think that it is absolutely true.

In all aspects of life in all ages of life appearances count for everything and they weigh heavy every stage in your life.

I did not have a childhood. I was always being told act your age. I relied on other children near my age that i would mimic.
When I was growing up and enduring the many episodes of sexual abuse from my father, from a priest from a stranger from whomever....each time I would disappear, I would bury what just happened because I was not able to comprehend and deal with and address the assault I had just lived through. Each time there was an assault I would automatically act like the child near me.

By all outward appearances the person who just assaulted me could simply, [if ever they came close to being found out] could simply state they were helping me to a glass of water; bringing me to the bathroom or consoling be because of a nightmare. What was I going to do or say? I was in my buried state and I could not say anything because how did I have the vocabulary to say anything?

By all outward appearances they look to be kind and generous with their care of an infant or child. You most likely you do not know what you have almost witnessed.

When a young child begins to grow up, they will most likely have great and grand mood swings. Think of how jarring the experience of being sexually molested as an infant or child. When you are growing up your emotions will not match up to your age as you do not have the memories and the know how to decipher and address those very complex memories and experiences. The level of mood swings and multi-level of behaviors will be equal to the level of child molestation. Always remember the equation "equal and opposite".

There is a very big possibility that the young child who grows into young adulthood will continue to have outbursts that may lead to alcohol and drug use and or a trip to the psych ward for a short or extended visit depending on the level of molestation you have endured and survived. Let's all begin to think of ourselves as survivors. We are still here to read this and take in all it explains so We Are Survivors! Be proud of that!

But always thing about how "Appearances Are Everything" What everyone sees in the past will dictate how people will think about you in the here and now. What it looks like is what it is with most folk!

If you look at the statistics of how many people get tossed under the bus you will see that what I am experiencing is pure text book. I again have not looked it up but I could venture to say this has most likely been going on for too many decades! People would be shocked but many would still be complacent and just figure....that's the way things are. I just "Thank God It's Not In My Family!"

So....do not forget that as you are going through this, yet another stage of survival, there is a loving, caring parent stepping forward yet again to sweep in and save the day! I How many times has this been?!?!? I am getting so sick and tired of the saintly man of a father stepping in to help that poor sickly mentally impaired person! I would not blame him if he just gave up on this hopeless mentally impaired young man. (This scenario is in part fictionalized but this is based on what has happened to me. Keep in mind that there are so many relatives I know who will never answer a direct and specific question. It is all about saving face. How many hundreds of thousands of families are saving face to toss a survivor under the bus?

What is the value of that family name who would sacrifice a member of the family to "Save Face" and submit to "Not In My Family"? What should I think of my own "family"?!?!? What would they think of themselves if they ever thought to think of themselves as the people that most people would feel disgust about? Who are the people who are perpetuating the continuation of child sexual abuse the most? They are the people who are on the bus that you are tossed under.


We have the technology of exploring "The Truth Between Two People" but the law is on the person "with nothing to hide". That would be the "alleged molester". If you try to investigate "The Truth Between Two People" you are going to come across some of the most believable explanations that could ever be fabricated as they are so "text book". The crazy acts of the "survivor" all fit with the crazy acts they instigated and that coincides with generous and loving acts by the loving (in my case) father who stepped forward ''once again" to try to help such a lost soul.

It is outward appearances that people will see and believe.

The perception of "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction" is that the survivor is the instigator of the initial actions that hurt their family. Just ask yourself the age old question, What came first, the chicken or the egg?" What came first, The molester or the survivor?


At the present time my mother will not answer any of the many letters I have sent her and her husband. I have also called a few times and visited to my home town last year and still I do not hear from any of them. It is all because there is "bad blood" which many believe I started with my crazy actions that "somehow" came out of the blue! In other words I in many peoples eyes have a mental impairment.

I will take any and all tests to check my mental health. Do you think that the man or men who molested me would take a polygraph test?

Each time I asked for help and did not get it I took a step back. Each time I took a step back the people I asked for help also took a step back and now we are very far apart with no chance to reconcile as the people in my life have always layed down the law and ended the conversaion. How can you speak with people who refuse to speak with you?

Reintegration Into Your Family after Sexual Abuse

I believe that there is a very specific way that a survivor has to be looked at. If you put together all of the basic beliefs you have and then look at a person who has survived child sexual abuse I believe you will see someone who has not been there with you since the time they were sexually molested. They have been with you physically but not much more. There may be times when they are there more then others. The person in question may be more distant soon after the act of sexual molestation. When the molestation is not happening they may be more integrated with the family. The degree of sexual abuse that has happened in the space you have lived in will dictate the distance away you are from your family you have always lived with.

There were periods of my life that I was not able to speak in order to be heard. I was so withdrawn and shut down that I was told to speak up many times. It was very frustrating and I even remember yelling to be heard because I was so sick of people telling me to speak up. What caused me to shut down to the point I could not speak? Remember, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. This being silent did not JUST happen. I did not have mental impairment. This was simply a reaction to what I survived. Equal and opposite.

When there is a realization of sexual abuse in the family the natural reaction would be to cry. Think of it as if a person has been snatched from the family and you have not seen that person in many years. They will look very different and you watch to see if they act the same from the 6 or 10 years since you have seen them. Thinking in common sense terms, to calculate the number of years you have been away after being snatched, you add together the first time you remember being sexually molested to the first time you remembered the beginning of said sexual molestation. As you remember more and more of that sexual molestation, it's as if you are say 200 miles away from your family and the more you remember the closer you get to your home town. Visualize a map and see, maybe the car from the Monopoly Game. You are in the car and you move 5-10 or 15 miles each week closer to your home town. When you finally drive into your town or meet up with your family you are a different person since you remembered and hopefully dealt the all the issues survival of this sort requires. In inherent problem is that, from what I have seen and from what I have experienced to date, the majority of people who remember child sexual abuse and try to address the issue in their family get pushed away and not believed. The percentage of people in this situation I do not know, I have looked without success. Sorry.

There is also the percentage of persons who will choose to just let it go and never speak of it again as if "it didn't happen. It one time I was angry with the people who made this choice but I have come to realize that "who and I to judge"! Outrageous. I do not know the severity of what they experienced and I do not know how close they are to the individuals in their family or group of friends. Personally I have experienced far too much for me to completely just say that it did not happen. This is just a personal choice. If you choose to not go public after you realize you have been sexually molested you can still do things behind the scenes with organizations over the Internet to still make a change, and I hope you do. And thank you for doing so.


What happens when there is a reunion with a long lost relative? I think we have all seen the reunions on all the major talk shows. There is a great deal of crying and hugging and looking closely at each other seeing how you look alike finding out about their likes what you have in common and the most basic of bonding. This is what needs to happen with the reintegration of a sexual survivor into their family. Remember equal and opposite.
I truly believe the analogy works. How often does this happen? From what I see far less than needs to happen or there would not be the steady increase of sexual abuse.

The many people who are on the bus (for what-ever reason they choose) that you are tossed under are the people who are largely responsible for the continuation of the growth of child sexual abuse. That is my belief.
I have stated that more than once but I think it important to reach that group of people and we will see a significant drop of actual cases of child sexual abuse. I have said that specifically because most often the drop of "reported" cases gives a completely different number and THAT is what is most often stated.


The next time you see a reunion with a long lost or "snatched" person, I hope you think of a the reunion of a child sexual abuse survivor and maybe with a little visualization this will begin to happen. I have heard it said that if you can visualize it, it can happen.

Using Power/ Accepting Friendships/ Moving On

There are many survivors of child sexual abuse. If you ask any parent of a survivor how they feel about child sexual abuse they would have the same public disgust of this epidemic as any other person who is a parent or not. If you ask them if they would be open to exploring "the truth between two people" you will most likely come up against a brick wall with the usual excuse that there is mental impairment and false memories with their child. This is as I have stated before one of the main reasons why we can not get a grip on this ever expanding epidemic.

Recently I have been communicating with an older sister who asked for my address. I have 3 siblings who I have had little to no contact with for the last 20 years. I was very involved with human rights issues and did some very involved volunteer work that I received no support with. Every time I asked asked for support (over a 2 year period) with something that was very important to me my relatives took a step backward and said no. Each time they stepped back and said no....I in turn stepped back and refused to support them.

It really is true that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. So we both stepped away from each other for 20 years and out of the blue my sister asks for my address? I am of course suspicious and ask why. She refused to even accept my friendship request on face book from over a year ago. I suggested she accept my friendship and I would give her my address there. No Go! She did not "get it" why I was so upset that she would not accept my friendship. To date my older sister has accepted 143 friends but could not accept my friendship. I have a younger sister who also has refused to accept my friendship on facebook. I am not sure if my younger brother is on facebook at all. He may have put a block on my profile already before I could ask for a friendship.

There is no reason I should trust her and I wondered if this was the beginning of her and other relatives asking me to never show my face in my home town again. I guess I am giving myself advise as to how I should deal with this lack of a relationship. If I have stated that she gives me no reason why I should trust her why am I so upset that she would not accept my friendship on facebook. Just the word friendship would give me hope that there would be some kind of relationship with her and might even open up the possibility of other friendships with other relatives.

We always had the power. It is a mantra of many people who know and love the "Wizard of Oz" but when will we have the backbone to move forward with that power. What about the misuse of power? With power most often you have the misuse of power and the good intent is never realized. There seems to be too many laws protecting a person and not enough laws protecting the many people affected by the misuse of power.


With my own memories of child sexual abuse when some of the memories were still foggy I heard the immediate words from my father that, "IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!" Here is the misuse of power. My pedophile tossed me under the bus.

I could not get support for any social issues I was working to help or doing volunteer work for a period of 20 years. I could not even get a friendship acceptance from 2 of my sisters. Another door has been shut in my face.

You really do have to create your own family when this kind of thing happens but when your trust has been shattered to many times and in so many ways it is very difficult to know who to trust and how to begin.
I say to myself (and to you) that you have to start somewhere and I think that you just have to take the plunge. I will begin with small things and begin to trust in baby steps. Once you begin to trust the small things you build a foundation of trust and you can begin to grow more. This will not happen overnight or even in a few years. Even if you have 3 good friends that you can trust who will be there for you with opportunities for you to be there for them you are a blessed person.

You also have to really like yourself and like your own company. With me I spent much of my childhood alone and explored who I was by myself and did get to really enjoy my time alone. Take a few small steps and feel better about yourself.

I still do not want to give up all hope but there may come a time when you might be healthier to just make a clean break. I am not saying to burn all bridges but there may come a time when you just can't try any more if the person or people in question do nothing to at least meet you half way. The imbalance of perceptions of the events that led up to the break in a relationship with a survivor and the person driving the bus and people riding on that bus is huge.

We somehow need to get the driver to the back of the bus and let people who do not misuse power into the drivers seat.

The Truth Between Two People

Could it be as simple as this? Could we begin to have an end to sexual abuse if we just simply investigated what is the truth about two people? The two people I speak of are the infant or child and the adult who is sexually molesting them. Just ask yourself what is the first and sometimes only excuse that sexually abusive people put forth. It is that the person proclaiming sexual molestation is mentally impaired. I myself dealt with panic attacks when I was young. I was briefly hospitalized because I had a very fast heart rate and the doctor called it a "nervous heart". It was the psych ward. When I discovered where I was I questioned my mother and she explained the rest of the hospital was full. I personally do not remember the great epidemic of 1980. From all outward appearances some of my actions were very crazy. Was it due to something I was born with or is it because I was living in an unsafe house? Keep in mind that most people remember the sexual abuse in their mid to late 20's and so the emotional part is still very prevalent. Depending on the level of sexual molestation, will depend on just how emotional a person gets.

In my situation the majority of my family have refused to speak to me for the better part of 20 years. It has always been my birth parents modus operandi to lay down the law and end the conversation. This has never worked for me. After many years of trying to speak with them and they continuing to keep repeating that I was mentally impaired, we have at this writing never really reconnected and I do not believe it will ever happen.

What if I the two people in question took polygraph tests? What if we just found out from beginning if there was sexual abuse or if someone is mentally impaired? Surly you care about your daughter or son enough to get them help for the mental impairment that you insist she or he has! I have not proposed this to my own birth father as yet but what are the chances that he would not pass? I know that the man who molested me would certainly fail the test. The only thing I was interested in was to actually as the blog title says, ADDRESS CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE. I wanted to investigate as far back as we could find instances of child sexual abuse in my own relation.

Public humiliation, legal action, loss of love from wife and family and friends and suicide are just a few of the fears of a child molester.

It's much easier to just toss the acusser under the bus. They ALWAYS have a history of acting crazy "with pent up emotions that emerge without conscious knowlege of why they are there" yet they will remember in their mid to late twenties! It seems just too text book for words. And somehow we as a group of people have not been able to figure out a sound solution after so many years of trying?!?

The only thing I wanted to find out from my molester is, What Happened To You? I believe that what I have experienced is a generational thing and it WILL continue in my relation after I am long dead. The proverbial brick wall is what I am up against and while that is most likely a fact in my relation it does not need to be a fact in your or other persons cases. If you can IN WRITING and with THOUGHTFULNESS and UNDERSTANDING.......put down on paper that the sole reason you want the truth is to investigate in your own family if it is mental impairment or child molestation.

I personally believe it would be a fair thing if there were some kind of compensation for the survivor for counselors or some kind of other stipend for living conditions while being a survivor. That would have to be decided between the two people in question.

I believe this may all sound like a kind of Utopian way of looking at it. Sunshine and lolly pops and rainbows and unicorns.

Could their someday be a law to Investigate The Truth About Two People? I think it could be real way to make a dent in the ever growing epidemic of child sexual abuse. I believe it could all be done quietly. It would have to be a very carefully worded law. It would be very tricky and I would need a very able lawyer to help with the content. Are there any lawyers reading this?
Do you know a lawyer who deals with child sex abuse cases? If you do know someone, please send him or her a copy of this blog post. Thank you.

Never My Intention To Insult Those Addressing Child Sexual Abuse

To all the organizations addressing child sexual abuse that I may have insulted I Sincerely Apologize. I am sure that there are a great many people who are passionate about the dedication to the work they are doing and it appears I have stepped on a few toes. That was NEVER my intention. I have stated that from what I see that the majority of organizations trying to address child sexual abuse are for the most part doing band-aid work. It seems to me that it is like picking dandelions. If you are picking dandelions without pulling the root, what is going to happen? The dandelion is going to grow back time and time again. I say we have to get to the root in order to eradicate the problem. I have asked the questions before and would like to know the answers but as of this writing I have not had any responses.

The questions are:

What are the success rates of the organizations that address child sexual abuse?
What are the procedures of those successful organizations that are different to those less successful?
What were the statistics in your community when your organization started and what are they now?
What are your goals in your organization? What goals have you reached? What goals do you need assistance with? Would more networking with other like minded organizations help you achieve your goals and would that in turn help other organizations reach their goals?
If statistics show that there is success in your community, does it mean the cases of child sexual abuse are going down or do you think it is a possibility that the pedophiles are just getting more clever in their hiding?
Does anyone know at this writing an estimated number of active pedophiles in the United States and what would happen if every one of them were sent to jail?
Does each organization working to end child sexual abuse have experts working in their organization or experts they frequently consult with?
What percentage of experts addressing child sexual abuse are themselves survivors of child sexual abuse?
From the first time there was realization that there was a problem with some adults acting sexually towards children to the present time, what were the statistics then and what are they now?
Does anyone else think that this is like a run away freight train that can not be stopped and does anyone else think that we need to reevaluate the direction we are going in to try to stop child sexual abuse?

Does anyone have the time to network and present a few answers to the questions I have asked?

I intend to copy this post and send it off to as many organizations I can find on the Internet including a few organizations from my home town. I would encourage everyone to copy this posting and send this off to organizations you may know of in order get a few more answers.

I truly believe we need to step back and really work to pull the roots. YES there are a great many (mostly men) who need to be sent to prison for life in order to stop them. There are a great many others who do not need that radical step. Peace to you and as always I do appreciate you for all that you do to help ADDRESS CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE.

Imbalance of Perceptions

I am not well read when it comes to the psychology of child sexual abuse. I am not well read accept for biographical stories, spirituality and artists and their work. The main way I look at a situation is by reason and logic. This may have been written many times and many places before but it seems to me the main reason why there are so many tossed under the bus and deemed to have mental problems is because there is an imbalance in the "Perception or the ABILITY to perceive the actuality of a situation.

I have definite memories of the sexual abuse from infancy to the time I was in about 5Th grade. There is no way my mother is ever going to believe that her husband of almost 50 years ever molested me. There are many people who make sure that no matter what is happening in the house, you always have to keep up appearances. My mother is one of those people. There was no way she could stand by her man and support me as well. What would that mean about her marriage? Has her entire life meant nothing?
The wife is always the one who is hurt worse. You have to face the entire situation and look at all of the people this affects! It effects everyone you ever met and anyone you will ever meet. The ripple effect is vast. The sexual abuse effected you and you act and are different because of it. If I had never been sexually violated my life would have been very different. What has helped me a great deal is that over my formative years in high school I had many years of experience in public speaking. I did 15 years of public speaking starting in my mid twenties and have spoken about all that I am writing about now.

What if the mother did not have to be involved in the addressing child sexual abuse process? That is only if she does not know about it.

There have been some court cases that you see a person step forward and confess to a crime or part of a crime so as not to put there family through such a grueling situation. I am not saying that the police should be involved at all because it seems the more we push with the police the more and more clever people get in hiding when they are unfortunately attracted in a sexual way toward children. What if we just say that this may for the most part be a learned behavior and some do not know why they act sexually upon an infant or child. Maybe the sexual acts they perform are the same sexual acts performed on them when they were "that age". That "that age" being the age that this "tradition" of child sexual abuse in your own situation began.

What would happen if when a person begins to have memories of sexual abuse,that the person in question just comes forward and supports the child. In a perfect world, there would be legal protection for the person coming forward. That may sound crazy to you but if we approach it this way, the mother/wife is protected. There are a great many strong women in this world and I would not deny them the opportunity to be fully involved in the entire process. I just know that my own mother would prefer not to. Sometimes as in my own situation, I did not remember that my own father was at least half of the history of my sexual abuse. My own fathers immediate reaction to my memories of child sexual abuse were, "It DIDN'T HAPPEN!" He of course was thinking of numerous things at the same time. Public knowledge, prison, what would this do to his wife? etc.......
I am sure it was a bombshell close to what happened to me when I first remembered the sexual abuse. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

What if the person who did the sexual abusing just came forward and traced back their own survival to as close to the root as possible. There are many pedophiles who claim to have never been sexually molested. I would say that the majority of them do not remember much of their youths. I feel we have to look more closely at who we really are.

The way I look at it our base is that we are animals. We have skin, hair, fingernails, (claws if you are on one of those "housewives shows" and fur if you are like Robin Williams!) I have written about this before that any animal who's living space is interrupted in any way is going to grow up vastly different than if they were not violated. The actions that the survivor displays is going to look strange and crazy so it is easy to just blame everything on mental illness. Lets stop tossing people under the bus. There are many wife's who have snapped mentally because they just can not rationalize that they love and are married to a man who sexually molests. I would say there is an equal number of survivors who have mentally snapped because they can not believe they were tossed under the bus! Equal measures all around.

I am at a place in my life that I can not just push the vast amount of sexual molestation to the side and pretend that it never happened. I can not wear the rose colored glassed that so many wear these days. I am the person I am as a result of the foundation that was placed before me to walk on in my journey of life. As a Gnostic Christian we believe that we have chosen what we experience. I totally believe this as I actually remember part of that process with my spirit guide. I will not use the word blame here as this is what I chose to experience. The word I will use is "Attribute". This DID happen and you WERE there. Sometimes I walked into a pothole and sometimes it felt as I walked through the Grand Canyon without water for days. Sometimes I do not know how I am still here at all. At those times I Thank God for the people in my life who have helped me survive. I Thank God for the knowledge that I have and I ask for the ability to express what I know and the direction needed to help bring an end to child sexual abuse. Or at least begin to have a legitimate dent if this epidemic. I continue to walk forward and try to get to a garden or keep working on my garden.

I had a therapist many years ago who used that analogy. He told me he liked to look at a persons life as a garden. I suggested that I put down lots of salt to kill what I wanted to kill. He suggested that we pull the weeds. I agreed and he turned out to be one of the most wonderful people I ever met. I want to name him here to thank him but to be polite I will ask him before I do.

Borrow Epathy From Others!

I was reading the following reactions from a great many very caring persons from all over the country and most likely all over the world. The majority of people in this world ARE very caring people and that warms my heart. Let's try to think of the possitive, caring people! Many survivors have been tossed under the bus and as I read the following I thought that many people have never heard such an outcry of support for the survivor and disgust at the perpetrator! Why not just borrow some of that LOVE and EMPATHY? Why not INDEED! If you are a survivor I implore you to read the following and let yourself feel the love and support for the child molested. Let the anger from there mouths be the anger directed at the person or people who molested you. Let your own child within do some real healing. Breath more deeply and let your emotions be filled with knowledge that it WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. If some or many people do not believe that some kind of sexual violation happened to you....KNOW THAT THERE ARE MANY WHO DO BELIEVE YOU!



Ohio father with HIV arrested for raping 6-month-old son
By Casey Glynn Topics Daily Blotter

Lenny Love Jr. (Credit: Hamilton County Justice Center/WKRC)

(CBS/AP) SILVERTON, Ohio - A 29-year-old Ohio father was arrested for raping his infant son while knowingly being infected with HIV, police say.


Police arrested Lenny Love Jr. Saturday after he confessed to sexually assaulting his 6-month-old months ago.

Love was charged with two counts of rape, one count of possession of marijuana and one count of felonious assault.

The victim's grandmother says Love admitted the crime to his father, according to CBS affiliate WOIO.

Lenny Love, Jr. is in the Hamilton County Justice center on a $600,000 bond, reports WOIO.



by tcarrick13 July 7, 2011 6:54 PM EDT
FRY THIS LOW LIFE TRASH.. RAPE HIM


by AndImeanIt July 6, 2011 1:49 PM EDT
I do not want him dead, I want for the rest of his life, for him to be blindfolded 23 hours a day, to walk around with his hands handcuffed to his ankles, with is bare a$$ exposed in prison so he can feel what rape really is like. To rape anyone is horrible, a child is totally unforgiveable, a baby is insane, your own child and you have HIV is a call for torture for the rest of his life. And may he live a long time that way! TORTURED!!!! And may he be punched 60 times each day, 10 for each month of life his baby boy lived! I need to pass out punishment for crimes against children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


by petalkisses25 July 6, 2011 12:56 AM EDT
And what is wrong with the Hamilton County Sheriff's gun? No bullets in the budget? This should have been an automatic death penalty. He admitted it freely. Take one bullet and save the world from monsters like this. They do it once, they'll do it again.


by Tam723 July 5, 2011 6:54 PM EDT
How can our world have come to this... I can't even fathom what he has done. So many crimes against innocent children. I never thought I would say this but I am believing more and more in the saying an eye for an eye. Raping a baby, he should have his ***** cut off so he can never do it again!


by dkb218 July 5, 2011 3:52 PM EDT
***? What is going on in the world these days? How sick does one have to be to do something like this? IF THIS IS TRUE - he should never see the inside of a court.



by allisonburness July 5, 2011 2:02 PM EDT
Sick. Just sick.


by justmyopinion61 July 5, 2011 1:42 PM EDT
Too bad they don't give the death penalty for stuff like this.



I hope we can all send up some prayers for the infant that was so brutally asaulted and the mother and her family.

Proving What Can NOT Be Proven

In trying to address child sexual abuse we have to really just stop, step back and look at the entire situation. Can we ever prove child sexual abuse happened? Isn't it going to be very rare that there is any documentation of the sexual acts? Other than child pornography and possibly some written documentation there is not going to be proof of sexual acts toward children so why are there so many people trying to prove what can not be proven?

A while back I was speaking with a friend about this blog and how I was trying to address child sexual abuse. I spoke of my dedication over the last 20 years to address child sexual abuse with in my own family and in giving many talks over a period of 15 years about social issues that included sexual abuse. His one response was, "Prove it!" I thought about it and while I was included in child pornography when I was between 2 and 3 years old it would be very difficult if not down right impossible to prove.

Can we prove that my sexual acts throughout my life, through my teens and into my early adulthood were the result of sexual acts when I was an infant and small child? That can explain some of what I acted out on but there could be many other reasons and everything can be rationalized in many ways. That is not proof. There have been some that want to convince me and others that I am simply mentally impaired and that there was no sexual abuse at all. I am just trying to draw attention to myself is the response from people who don't want you to open up and tell their own secrets?

The man who sexually molested Margaux Fragoso, author of "Tiger,Tiger" realized that he was in fact molesting her and stopped rationalizing his asks. He could not live with himself and his actions so he committed suicide. There is not going to be an influx of people who come forward so what is the option? How can you prove what can not be proven?

If there is a systematic way to ask questions about the life of a person attracted to children in a sexual way I believe there is a chance to get to the root of the problem. If there is a way to find out what happened to the person who acts upon there attractions to children in a sexual way there is a chance you will break the pattern of sexual abuse toward children. If you reach children at an early age and teach them the words to describe their bodies so they can report anything that makes them uncomfortable you are giving a child a way to protect themselves. There is a way to communicate with children by using sign language at an early age. Do parents teach there children words to help report sexual trauma? If around puberty there were some talks given in junior high schools to explain about the statistics about child sexual abuse I believe this would put a halt to the sexual acts that some young people are thinking about.

I keep referring back to Oprah because she is a strong, wise, powerful individual in the public eye. She has done more for "community" than most in this world at this time. One of the things she always stresses is "intent". What is the intent in an action?

My intention in this action of this blog is to "PUT AN END TO CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE".

A very daunting task.

Can one person put an end to child sexual abuse? Most likely, no. Can one person have the formula to end child sexual abuse?
This is a possibility but one person may not have the power and resourced needed to complete this daunting task.

One thing Miss Winfrey likes to do is refer to a line from "The Wizard of Oz" which states, "You always had the power". In the movie it was in reference to Dorothy getting home when she was lost in Oz. Do we have the power to end child sexual abuse and if so, Why have we not used that power?

I am not going to make any friends with this next statement but that is not why I am here.

The majority of organizations trying to address child sexual abuse, while there intentions are valid and in the right place, do nothing more than "band-aid" kinds of things. The majority of sexual abusers are largely left unaddressed and the result is muti-generational abuse. The traditions of sexual abuse towards children are staggering and with the mind set of most relatives in those situations of, "Not in my family", the tradition will not slow down any time soon.

Let's stop trying to prove the unprovable and get to the root of the problem and address child sexual abuse from there!