We have all heard it said many times before. There is strength in numbers.
I have my doubts.
In many ways, many who have been beaten down and conditioned due to age, gender, sexual orientation, color etc., often do not have the strength, power or knowledge to stand up for themselves.
Many do not come forward because they fear the reaction by friends and family. Will they be supported? Will they be rejected? Will they have friends or family after they confront the abuse?
The matriarch of my paternal family is a woman who I know was sexually molested. She joined the convent when she was 8. This was many years ago and times were different. So……first off I think while she said she had a calling, I believe she had a means of escape. Her older sister had a true calling even though she was only 9 years old. The older sister was a nun for I believe around 70 years until her death due to cancer. The younger sister was a nun for 20 years. She left and was a revered teacher for many years. I once visited her when I was 16 years old or so. I stayed for a long weekend. She had a very nice stereo system and I changed the station to what was the same music but it was with vocals. It was the music of Frank Sinatra and that era. Same music but my aunt would only listen to the instrumentals. I was camped out in her spare room of her condo and she came in and seemed quite agitated. She asked me if I could change the music back to what she had before. I said I would and that was the end of that. When I first began having memories of her brother being my pedophile she refused to speak about it. NEVER. Direct questions, answers to something I did not ask. Brick Wall.
From what little I have witnesses I am sure that she was a survivor before me. But……..A pedophiles got her tongue. There is just no speaking with people who refuse to speak with me. She silenced her music and she silenced herself. She is now 81 years old.
There has been a long silence from my family in retaliation to my having to step back when I had no support in a volunteer project I was involved in. Unfortunately the project lasted 20 years. While it was sad that there was that long a separation from my mother, since I did not bond with her due to the molestation of my pedophile, I have for the last 5 years tried to reconnect with my "mother". I call her by her first name as I did not bond with her. She will not call me by a nickname she gave me or my new chosen name. Bones of contention. Basic respect is what I ask for. Jumping through hoops is what is seemingly expected. And of course I can not jump through the hoops when they are not presented to me.
A friend of mine told me about an attack in Loring Park, MN many years ago. It was an attack on gay men with baseball bats. The two who had bats where greatly outnumbered but the gay men all ran away and did not try to defend themselves. Had they been beaten down verbally, or physically before?
Did they not have the means or support in the past?
We have come a long way in some places and we need to come a lot farther in others.
The numbers of child sexual abuse cases / incest survivors is staggering. The number of people involved in the websites dealing with this epidemic seems to be a fairly high number but the people really speaking out about this epidemic is relatively small.
I have tried to speak with my "family" for over 20 years about what I have survived and what was and most likely is still a part of the paternal side of my family and the next logical step is to come out.
I will give them every opportunity to show their family support to me or I see no reason to continue to show them my family support to and for them.
Tick Tock.
I will inform all parties (all family members) of my intention for family health and invite them to join in the discussion. Would you join in a family discussion about sexual abuse in your family?!?
JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED!
*Whats The Matter? Pedophile Got Your Tongue?!?
