Strength in Numbers? / What's The Matter, Pedophile Got Your Tongue?

We have all heard it said many times before.  There is strength in numbers.

I have my doubts.  

In many ways, many who have been beaten down and conditioned due to age, gender, sexual orientation, color etc., often do not have the strength, power or knowledge to stand up for themselves.

Many do not come forward because they fear the reaction by friends and family.  Will they be supported?  Will they be rejected?  Will they have friends or family after they confront the abuse?  

The matriarch of my paternal family is a woman who I know was sexually molested.  She joined the convent when she was 8.  This was many years ago and times were different.  So……first off I think while she said she had a calling, I believe she had a means of escape.  Her older sister had a true calling even though she was only 9 years old.  The older sister was a nun for I believe around 70 years until her death due to cancer.  The younger sister was a nun for 20 years.  She left and was a revered teacher for many years.  I once visited her when I was 16 years old or so.  I stayed for a long weekend.  She had a very nice stereo system and I changed the station to what was the same music but it was with vocals. It was the music of Frank Sinatra and that era.  Same music but my aunt would only listen to the instrumentals.   I was camped out in her spare room of her condo and she came in and seemed quite agitated.   She asked me if I could change the music back to what she had before.  I said I would and that was the end of that.  When I first began having memories of her brother being my pedophile she refused to speak about it.  NEVER.  Direct questions, answers to something I did not ask.  Brick Wall. 

From what little I have witnesses I am sure that she was a survivor before me.  But……..A pedophiles got her tongue.  There is just no speaking with people who refuse to speak with me.  She silenced her music and she silenced herself.  She is now 81 years old.  

There has been a long silence from my family in retaliation to my having to step back when I had no support in a volunteer project I was involved in.  Unfortunately the project lasted 20 years.  While it was sad that there was that long a separation from my mother, since I did not bond with her due to the molestation of my pedophile, I have for the last 5 years tried to reconnect with my "mother".  I call her by her first name as I did not bond with her.  She will not call me by a nickname she gave me or my new chosen name.  Bones of contention.  Basic respect is what I ask for.  Jumping through hoops is what is seemingly expected.  And of course I can not jump through the hoops when they are not presented to me.  

A friend of mine told me about an attack in Loring Park, MN many years ago.  It was an attack on gay men with baseball bats.  The two who had bats where greatly outnumbered but the gay men all ran away and did not try to defend themselves.  Had they been beaten down verbally, or physically before? 

Did they not have the means or support in the past?  

We have come a long way in some places and we need to come a lot farther in others.  

The numbers of child sexual abuse cases / incest survivors is staggering.   The number of people involved in the websites dealing with this epidemic seems to be a fairly high number but the people really speaking out about this epidemic is relatively small.  

I have tried to speak with my "family" for over 20 years about what I have survived and what was and most likely is still a part of the paternal side of my family and the next logical step is to come out.  

I will give them every opportunity to show their family support to me or I see no reason to continue to show them my family support to and for them.  

Tick Tock.

I will inform all parties (all family members) of my intention for family health and invite them to join in the discussion.   Would you join in a family discussion about sexual abuse in your family?!?

JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED!

*Whats The Matter?  Pedophile Got Your Tongue?!?   

A Craigslist Posting for Social Gatherings, Support and Brainstorming

Hello, I am a survivor of incest and child sexual abuse. I am looking to connect with others who are survivors. I would like to form a safe supportive group that would involve survivors, family and friends of survivors, professional therapists and possibly lawyers. 

I would like to have regular social gatherings as well as people who would brainstorm about proceeders used now to address the issues of child sexual abuse. I also want lawyers to be involved to help look at laws present on the books now and see what changes need to happen to actually bring about more change to those laws to balance the "playing field" and bring more power to survivors. 

I am not a professional in dealing with child sexual abuse but I did 15 years of public speaking about social justice issues and more safety for children regarding child sexual abuse. I also have been writing a blog for the last 4 years. The blog has had some success. I usually have at least 150 hits a month. Total "hits" for my blog are over 8,000. 

I will be posting this in my blog and Facebook page as well. If you see this and believe it would benefit a person you know please forward this to that person or organization. 

The purpose for this is for healing. I have seen survivors groups around the twin cities but most are women only. I was involved in one small group that was through the organization NIP out of South Minneapolis but that was short lived and not very in depth. I believe many fall through the cracks and many like myself are abandoned by their families. This is my first attempt for a gathering of this kind. 

Crossing my Love of Taxidermy with how I feel about my Dear Old Dad

This is a "stock photo" from the internet with no relation to the dark humor presented with the title of this sweet little post!  I also do Not Love Taxidermy and have never hunted.

*I also repeat, Never Take the Law into your own hands.   Just get by by using dark humor!  

Private Chat on Facebook with a Male Cousin

Me: Hey Cousin,  How are you?  Just wondering if you could get me Doris's address.  Thanks.










[Doris was an Aunt]

Cousin: 
Hi! Things are well. How about for you? 
About Doris though, she passed away a few years ago.











Me: 
I am in (Mid-West City) and am about to begin marketing my art work……other than that I am working to make a living….. but I do have 3 day weekends at this point so that is good……    I asked about Doris as I must have seen her Double a few days ago.  There was a beautiful well dressed woman whom I could have Sworn was Doris.  As I am not on the best of terms with many (Paternal Family) right now……. I did not cross that path.  But………  This woman looked exactly like Doris.











Cousin: 
Best of luck with your artwork. What mediums do you use? I'm certainly no artist, but I enjoyed art so much in college that I have a great appreciation for those with such gifts.
Yes, I'm aware of your falling out with your family. That isn't something I can relate to . . . And I'm blessed to have my family. I'm sure its a difficult situation for you and your family both. I'll pray for you and them both.










December 8, 2014

Me: As for the "falling out"…..there was not a falling out……there was incest for 10 years from my father…he also involved me in child porn…….then there was the time I was gang raped by mouth on the paternal farm in  Bloomer, WI. where I had a near death experience and had oral gonnoreah as a parting gift….there were also a few priests….and other various molestation I survived……  and the only way I can be a part of most of the [paternal family] lives is if I pretend it didn't happen.  I spoke publicly for 15 years about this and I have a blog I have written in for the last almost 3 years.  It's all about abandonment from the [paternal family]………They are not my favorite people.   It would be interesting to hear what if any details you have heard.  Mostly I thing there is the ongoing lie that I have mental impairments.











Cousin: 
I apologize for stating it as a "falling out." That probably appeared to be making light of the whole ordeal,  but please know that from my perspective I only saw my cousin no longer speaking to his family and his family no longer speaking to their son. 
I haven't heard any details. From my perspective my mother was the only of that side of the family with any, albeit minimal, contact. 
The events that you describe are terrible,  and I don't want to make light of it. 
It would be ok to speak about your family, but maybe not write about it. We could get coffee over Christmas if you like . . . But don't feel obligated.












Me: 
No apology needed.  Coffee over Christmas would be great.










Seen Dec 8

*I copied and pasted this conversation with my cousin from Facebook.  There was one part of the conversation that upon re-reading did not make it here.  When I explained to this cousin I had done 15 years of public speaking about social justice and incest survival my cousin thought that was good but my cousin objected when I told him I was also writing a blog for almost 4 years.  It is unfortunate that there are generations of hiding pedophiles.  I should not judge but I am saddened that it looks as if my paternal side of the family were in charge of dealing with pedophile priests, they would most likely just
relocate them as the Catholic Church did for years.  

*I did not see my cousin on Facebook during the Christmas Holiday and there was no communication from him to have the coffee.  I still enjoyed coffee and was grateful!

I hope you all had a Joyous Holiday and Celebrated the Birth of Christ.