Dear Lori,
This letter is to apologize and explain what happened at a business meeting when I was working at [The Hotel you Manage].
What you and the others at the meeting witnesses was an episode of dissociation.
I explained during my initial interview that I had done 15 years of public speaking about social justice issues and caregiving as I was a long time companion to a man living with AIDS but I did not at the time explain that I also spoke at great length about being an incest and child sexual abuse survivor.
Throughout my life there have been episodes of dissociation caused by different triggers. I am not aware of all the triggers but I am evaluating them and beginning to put them into some kind of order. I know that living in a house where I was sexually molested by my father for 10 years caused me to not feel loved as an infant and young child so there were panic attacks there. I know that sometimes a trigger is just someone being kind to me and when that happens, sometimes a younger version of myself has emerged and I revert into a child like state and that is when you witnessed
the dissociation at the meeting at [the Hotel]. It is almost like a split personality and when it happened I was not even aware that it happened until a few days later.
In the more than 25 years I have been addressing the issues of incest and child sexual abuse I have contacted my “family” but no one on my paternal side will speak about this family tragedy.
At present my blog has had over 8,000 hits. Since I have no tech savvy the blog reads a much lower # and I cannot fix that. I also have been writing and posting on a facebook page with the same name. Address Child Sexual Abuse
One of my earliest posts on my blog was a detailed list of most of my memories of the incest and child sexual abuse. I have it enclosed here. Read it if you want or don’t as it is very disturbing and not really necessary for you to see to be an understanding person with what I and many others deal with on a daily basis. Sexual abuse survivors have to deal with survival issues for the rest of their lives.
In AA the 8th step is to make amends for past actions. I am working on a “Steps” list for sexual abuse survivors and I liken this step to the #8 on their list as a way of explaining, apologizing and educating people as to what this is all about.
Once again I am sorry that you witnessed my episode of dissociation. I am not a crazy person, I am only severely damaged.....but I am healing. And trying to bring healing to my fellow survivors.
Sincerely,
I do not know what others will feel about my choice of disclosure. I thought long and hard about what I would say and after writing this letter over and over in my mind this is what I came up with. I consider myself spiritual and I must say that whenever I have prayed for "words", that prayers has ALWAYS been answered. Whenever I have prayed for the right words to say in public speaking or if I am posting on my blog or Facebook page or if I need to speak with someone about a difficult situation
I have always had a great deal of assistance from the Other Side (Heaven). And I am very grateful for that! Prayer is Good!
This letter is to apologize and explain what happened at a business meeting when I was working at [The Hotel you Manage].
What you and the others at the meeting witnesses was an episode of dissociation.
I explained during my initial interview that I had done 15 years of public speaking about social justice issues and caregiving as I was a long time companion to a man living with AIDS but I did not at the time explain that I also spoke at great length about being an incest and child sexual abuse survivor.
Throughout my life there have been episodes of dissociation caused by different triggers. I am not aware of all the triggers but I am evaluating them and beginning to put them into some kind of order. I know that living in a house where I was sexually molested by my father for 10 years caused me to not feel loved as an infant and young child so there were panic attacks there. I know that sometimes a trigger is just someone being kind to me and when that happens, sometimes a younger version of myself has emerged and I revert into a child like state and that is when you witnessed
the dissociation at the meeting at [the Hotel]. It is almost like a split personality and when it happened I was not even aware that it happened until a few days later.
In the more than 25 years I have been addressing the issues of incest and child sexual abuse I have contacted my “family” but no one on my paternal side will speak about this family tragedy.
At present my blog has had over 8,000 hits. Since I have no tech savvy the blog reads a much lower # and I cannot fix that. I also have been writing and posting on a facebook page with the same name. Address Child Sexual Abuse
One of my earliest posts on my blog was a detailed list of most of my memories of the incest and child sexual abuse. I have it enclosed here. Read it if you want or don’t as it is very disturbing and not really necessary for you to see to be an understanding person with what I and many others deal with on a daily basis. Sexual abuse survivors have to deal with survival issues for the rest of their lives.
In AA the 8th step is to make amends for past actions. I am working on a “Steps” list for sexual abuse survivors and I liken this step to the #8 on their list as a way of explaining, apologizing and educating people as to what this is all about.
Once again I am sorry that you witnessed my episode of dissociation. I am not a crazy person, I am only severely damaged.....but I am healing. And trying to bring healing to my fellow survivors.
Sincerely,
I do not know what others will feel about my choice of disclosure. I thought long and hard about what I would say and after writing this letter over and over in my mind this is what I came up with. I consider myself spiritual and I must say that whenever I have prayed for "words", that prayers has ALWAYS been answered. Whenever I have prayed for the right words to say in public speaking or if I am posting on my blog or Facebook page or if I need to speak with someone about a difficult situation
I have always had a great deal of assistance from the Other Side (Heaven). And I am very grateful for that! Prayer is Good!
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