There are many components to the complete process that I have in mind to combat and bring an end to child sexual abuse. This is a formula in progress.
An infant/child/person needs to have protection at every stage of life. Keep in mind that that infant or child IS a PERSON and you DO NOT OWN THAT PERSON.
*For clarification I would like to state that the first part of this "works in progress" is for any person going through any kind of training to be parents. This information should be repeated from every source who is speaking with any person interested in having children. It should start in high school. At my high school the students who took parenting classes had to carry around a five pound bag of sugar or flour.
It sounds crazy to bring up but I think it important. It should be spoken, "There should be no penetration of any kind." Not in the mouth, anus or vagina. (Unless it is with a qualified doctor and a witness and a real medical exam is in progress) There should also be "No Penetration" of any kind in the other direction either with an infant or child with an adult in any orifice, the mouth, anus or vagina. In my own experience, my father was concerned that I would remember what was happening to me when I was an infant. It should be repeated many times that an infant or child WILL REMEMBER. There will be both memories of the event and body memories, even if the the infant or child is asleep. The memories WILL SURFACE in some way when the infant or child grows up.
*If a student has any kinds of memories of penetration that was done in a sexual a manor there should be a private discussion and a plan put in place for that person to have counseling to address any kind of molestation that may have taken place.
I believe that if the words are spoken with the rule "NO PENETRATION" of any kind that that alone could be key in bringing the number of molestations down.
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I believe that in part the old stand by story writing of the past, "What I did on my summer vacation" should be watched very closely. There is also the situation that when a child changes so dramatically there should be some kind of investigation. In my own situation, when I first began school in the first grade I would go early and stop into each of the 4 teachers class rooms for a short visit. When I got to the second grade I sat very quietly in my chair and did not visit each teacher. The summer vacation was filled with much sexual abuse. I do remember a teacher coming to find me in my home room and she asked if I was alright and of course I had no idea that there was something wrong as I had buried the memories.
The early years of school are when a child is most vulnerable. Their personalities are still forming and sometimes a dramatic change is not easy to spot. Sometimes a parent or teacher are so stretched that they do not see a change. The parent/teacher conferences are a perfect place to explore abuse issues and a professional involved with child abuse issues should be in attendance of these meetings. There should also be an occasional visit from a child sexual abuse expert to a classroom for a good touch bad touch chat.
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When children reach the age of puberty I believe it would be important to have a chat with the boys and girls in regards to the current statistics of child sexual abuse. The talk should be honest and informative. These are young adults capable of beginning their own life of molestation that they most likely were taught and programed to carry out from an early age. In most cases of child molestation it is a secret family tradition. In the talk with
these young people in puberty it should be said that 1 in (?) children are molested and 1 in (?) will grow up to actually grow up to carry on this epidemic. With the ever growing class rooms this I believe will cause these young people to look around and think who could be in their class who could be part of this epidemic. At this time during a class there should be a frank talk about the different kinds of sexualities and it should be explained that it is normal to be attracted to what ever you are attracted to.
[Unfortunately I believe it is also to be considered "NATURAL" to be attracted to infants and young children if you are molested as an infant or young child yourself] *IT IS A PART OF NATURE (UNFORTUNATELY) so it has to be considered natural) I do not know the statistics of the number of people who are attracted to infants or young children as a result of their own molestation. I do consider myself lucky that I am not one of those people. I personally am attracted to people who are 5 to 10 years older than myself. I have noticed I am attracted to persons with my fathers build. That is my connection to my own molestation. ***IT SHOULD BE STRESSED THAT AN INFANT OR CHILD OR YOUNG ADULT DOES NOT HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE A DECISION TO HAVE ANY SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH AN ADULT. YOU WILL DAMAGE AN INFANT OR CHILD PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, PSYCHOLOGICALLY AND SPIRITUALLY AND YOU WILL ALTER THAT PERSONS LIFE AND EVERY PERSON THEY COME IN CONTACT WITH TILL THE DAY THEY DIE. THE RIPPLES OF DAMAGE WILL CONTINUE FOR MANY YEARS AFTER YOU LEAVE THIS PLANET.
There should be an expert on hand when these talks are conducted and the option of speaking with that expert one on one should be offered if a young person is being threatened or acted upon or if that young child has noticed that they are in fact attracted to infants or young children in a sexual way. Hopefully you will reach that person in puberty before he or she has acted upon those feelings. Here is where the expert should step in with a plan of how to NOT act upon those feelings and find alternative ways to deal with these "unfortunate natural feelings". NATURAL DOES NOT MEAN NORMAL.
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Exploring what happened to the adult who is attracted to infants and children in a sexual way is very important. All I ever wanted to do when I first began having memories of child sexual abuse was to ask my own father what happened to him. My own father was not open to this. He refused to speak to me privately and in turn he has tossed me under the bus. Many people, relatives and family and "his" friends are now riding on that bus.
Those people would NEVER BELIEVE that my father could ever have molested me. There is no chance that they would ever change their minds as there is no evidence other than the lack of a relationship to him and many people, relatives and family. There is a way to investigate "the truth between two people" but if my father would refuse to speak to me one on one, what are the chances that he would ever agree to a polygraph test and counseling that would follow? There would be no chance.
I have written about this next part before but it is important to repeat myself here.
I believe that there should be team of people to help when someone begins to have memories of child sexual abuse. Every effort should be made to have a "one on one" with the molester in question. A one on one WITH an expert neutral party. There should be an investigation about what may have happened to the person believed to be a molester. If the person believed to have been the molester does not cooperate, then there should be legal action taken. There should be a polygraph test and also equal tests for the person who believes they were molested. There of course will be talk of "false memories" from the alleged molester, but I wonder if it has ever been brought up about the possible "false memories" about being a good parent!
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For a well rounded approach to addressing child sexual abuse I absolutely believe that ALL PEOPLE SHOULD COUNT, AND BE COUNTED. There are many people in this world who's abuses are never reported, or counted.
I am one of those persons. I have thought about a way to have everyone count and I would call it the Zip-Code Project. There should be a survey of people who's abuses were never reported. The person in question would put down their zip code and the year or years they were molested. There would also be a short questionnaire about the acts that were perpetrated against them. We would begin to see the full impact of this epidemic if and when this Project were carried out. In turn there would be a way to see where there needs to be more education. We could see how the epidemic has lasted and grown in different parts of the country and the world depending on how readily used this Zip-Code Project is used.
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There are some who believe that we should imprison all molesters. While there intention is good I do not believe that they have really thought about "The Next Step". That is one thing that has to be done abstractly.
YOU CAN NOT THINK ABOUT THE NEXT STEP JUST WITHIN YOUR OWN STEPS. YOU MUST THINK IN TERMS OF A LARGE COMMUNITY OR ENTIRE COUNTRY. MANY PRISONS ARE FILLED TO CAPACITY AS IT IS. WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE IMPRISONED EVERY MOLESTER, AND WHAT ABOUT THE IMPACT THEY HAVE ALREADY PLANTED IN THE MINDS AND BODIES OF INFANTS AND YOUNG CHILDREN?!? WE DO NOT HAVE THE RESOURCES TO IMPRISON ALL THE MOLESTERS. WE NEED TO GET TO THE CORE OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE AND ADDRESS IT FROM THERE.
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Do my words have reason and logic? That is the question. I have long been labeled crazy and mentally impaired because of the actions that I took and I believe this is due to many years of child sexual abuse. I have never had involved in a major car accident or had any kind of major head injury to explain any "crazy behavior". Is there any other way to explain away my actions other than child sexual abuse? For me I can think of no other explanation. Could this blog come across to anyone that I am a raging lunatic? I have done everything to think of reasonable and logical ways to treat every person with respect and equality. I believe for each person who is suspected of child sexual abuse there should be equal tests for the person who believes they have been molested.
If there are any psychology experts in the field of child sexual abuse out there who would step forward to voice there opinion, I would be very grateful.
As I have stated in the beginning, this is a works in progress to address child sexual abuse and bring it to an end. If there are others out there, experts or survivors who wish to add to this formula please step forward and thank you as always for following my blog.
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