Wednesday, November 2, 2011


Dear FACT,

It seems to me that there needs to be a systematic way to address child sexual abuse and it all begins with the memories.

From the very first memories of child sexual abuse there needs to be a team. A very specific team who know what is going to happen next.

I believe that what happens in every case is going to be relatively the same. NOTE: The memories will be different but the process at which they surface will be relatively the same.

There will be something that will trigger the beginning of the memories. It will usually be very traumatic and a person will get wild flashes of scenes of what they have survived. (Always remember and use the word survived! I believe it gives empowerment. You are still here and you HAVE SURVIVED!)

With the first memories of child sexual abuse I turned to the people who have always told me, "You can tell us anything!" Those people were my parents. I guess this part of the claim was not covered under their initial support!

What happened to me is that the immediate words and the only words that were spoken were, "It didn't happen!"

I was really baffled by this as I had no idea at the time that the first person who sexually molested me was my own father!

The memories were not all there for me, and they never will be "all there" for anyone who "begins" to remember child sexual abuse. Memories as far as what I have read in all the documents out there are not going to be complete when you first begin to have them.

One way to try to convince me that I was mentally impaired and to keep my from being vocal about this was to proclaim to me and to anyone in ear shot that I always changed my story.

When a person begins to have memories their story is never complete. What will happen is that the story is not really changing at all it is only filling out and becoming complete! There is a very real difference there. While each story may have similarities, each story for each individual is going to be different and each story is very important as this shows that each individual is important! WE ARE ALL IMPORTANT AND EACH SURVIVORS STORY NEEDS TO BE COMPLETE. We each need to know fully what we have survived in order to deal with each detail and to move forward.

OK......About the team.

For me the entire reason I have been for the last 20 years trying to address child sexual abuse was to actually make a difference, to get education out there and to bring the actual numbers down. To address this issue at the very core is the only way to really address it. For me it has to be addressed in the same way you would address a math problem.

I believe there needs to be a campaign to reach people who are just beginning to have the memories. They are the people who need to be reached.
They need to have a team of people who can guide them as to what to expect next. I do not know the stages of what is next, I only know that I lived through them. (Again...I am a survivor!)

When a person begins to have memories they need to know there are people who do believe them. I believe it would be beneficial to have the person who begins to have the memories take appropriate tests to asses their metal capacity. The main thing that happens time and time again is that you are labeled as crazy. Nip that in the bud right away! (as Barney Phief would say!)


It is not my intention to make quick buck or live off anyone so it is my suggestion that we try to trace as far as we can, the beginning of the sexual abuse in your own family. The statistics show that the majority of sexual abuse is from someone you know. OK. With me, I would begin by having an honest talk with my father. Many years ago he told me about when he was in an iron lung. I am not sure of how long he was encased in this contraption. What he told me is about the puddle of tears that were under him each time his family visited him. He was mostly face down in this "thing" and one night an employee of the hospital stepped up behind him.....and raped him.

My father needs to speak about the full memory of details of what happened.

I am not sure here....I can only speculate it but.....I would not doubt if his own father molested him. I always had a distrust of my fathers father. He was always a very gruff man and not very inviting. I kept my distance. We need to talk about everything that he remembers and find out if he is still attracted to children.
We need to make sure that he is never around children by himself.

As for my own story......I needed to explore more closely what happened on a certain farm in Wisconsin. I did for a short time have the assistance of an aunt of mine. I was so very appreciative of her for taking the time to meet with me and talk about what was happening to me with my sudden and disturbing memories. I had details of the house where I was molested just a little too perfect and I also had the first name of the man who molested me on the farm and caused my near death experience. The person I named was a long standing friend of the family. I was 4 years old. I know they took pictures. Yes it was 1966 but they could still exist today. I recently sent my uncle (the man married to the aunt that initially helped me) an email. He happens to be a pastor. I sent the message to him via a yahoo address for my Facebook page to address child sexual abuse. He did not answer my email. I posted the letter on my blog with a note stating that I felt there were enough details in my story that my uncle would determine it was me. He had to face this as my uncle and as a man of the cloth. As a man he ignored me. As a pastor he ignored me. If he was someone who was doing his job, please excuse me, he would seek out two people. The person to evaluate my mental capacity and the person who could be my councilor to if in fact I had survived child sexual abuse. To me it is just that simple.

They say that a man who has nothing to hide, hides nothing. Any loving supportive father would not hesitate to step in and support their child. Any father who had nothing to hide would speak openly. The subject of if they knew what they did was wrong would have to be brought up. The subject of to what degree were they able to control their desires would have to be brought up. Each persons details (once they believe they have had them all) are going to be different.

If the "loving, supportive father" is not willing to cooperate to address child sexual abuse, I believe that the lawyer would have to step in.

I believe there should be a law which proves, "The Truth Between Two People".

As with the person who has the "alleged child sexual abuse memories" as will be proclaimed by many; what about the honesty of the molester in question?
I believe that the person in question should have a polygraph test. I have the belief in total fairness. Equal and opposite tests.

Again I am not suggesting that this be a quick easy fix for financial reasons. This is only to begin to bring the ever growing numbers of sexual abuse cases really.......

This started out as a letter and ended up both a letter and a blog post.

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Virgo (Aug.23-Sept.22.) In part my horoscope reads: What looks like a no-brainer to you may be far from obvious to the person dealing with the situation.

I just saw this horoscope for today and thought it fit.

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