Copy and Paste this address to view the video.
http://youtu.be/6OkcucXIuVI
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Dark Humor On How I Feel About My Paternal Parent
Copy and Paste this address to view the video.
http://youtu.be/6OkcucXIuVI
Sunday, June 16, 2013
A Few Thoughts on Fathers Day
Dear DUD,
I thought of sending you a card to commemorate the 3rd Sunday in June, But there Is No Pedophiles Day!
Signed,
Uncounted Survivor
Never Bite The Hand That Feeds You
.....Unless it's your father,
and he's feeding you his Penis.
I'm sorry mom, your husband was my pedophile, that would be the
"in sickness" part of your wedding vows.
On this day we as survivors can still celebrate by contacting different men we know who are boundary respecting mentors for children and young adults. There are also some women who go out of their way to provide for and do all the things a man would do if there is no male mentor in their lives. I applaud all of these wonderful people who are the much needed glue in many lands who help hold us all together to create "Communities".
I HAVE SAID IT BEFORE, BUT IT NEEDS TO BE REPEATED. EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE A PART OF SOME COMMUNITY~! SEEK OUT A PLACE TO BELONG And ADD TO THAT COMMUNITY IN A POSITIVE AND HEALTHY WAY!
I just looked it up. I looked up if there was a Mentors Day. There is. Mentors day is January 17th. For me...Fathers day is another Mentors day. For Fellow Survivors,I hope that you find more peace in redirecting some bad feeling about your father for molesting you to the Mentors in your life who helped you to be as strong as you are. If you are reading this you have survived.....You are A Survivor.
You
Must
Celebrate
Being A Survivor!
I HAVE SAID IT BEFORE, BUT IT NEEDS TO BE REPEATED. EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE A PART OF SOME COMMUNITY~! SEEK OUT A PLACE TO BELONG And ADD TO THAT COMMUNITY IN A POSITIVE AND HEALTHY WAY!
I just looked it up. I looked up if there was a Mentors Day. There is. Mentors day is January 17th. For me...Fathers day is another Mentors day. For Fellow Survivors,I hope that you find more peace in redirecting some bad feeling about your father for molesting you to the Mentors in your life who helped you to be as strong as you are. If you are reading this you have survived.....You are A Survivor.
You
Must
Celebrate
Being A Survivor!
Friday, June 7, 2013
Miss America By Day, The Autobiography of Marilyn Van Durber
Her married name is Marilyn Van Durber Alter. Her book is completely captivating as is she in the videos I have seen on Youtube.
I recently came across the autobiography from Miss Van Durber Alter and bought it from a discount
bookstore. They did not have it in stock so I ordered it and waited patently. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the book I bought was an autographed copy.
This book is a God Send. There are many times I am not able to buy a book so I will go to the library.
Whatever state you live in, once you get a library card you can access Any Book In Your State from the library. If you can not afford to buy this book.....I Urge you to go to the library and Get IT!
If you need to reserve this book and have it sent to where ever you are I Suggest you do this Today!
Captivating.......Riveting.........Healing!
If you investigate this Woman's Story.....you will come across rave review after rave review of this Lovely, Courageous Lady!
God Bless Marilyn Van Durber Alter....and her Wonderfully Supportive Husband Larry and the rest of her Family!
Monday, May 27, 2013
The Selfish Act of Choosing as Much as I Have
As a Gnostic Christian I believe I have chosen all that I have and am experiencing. That being said I have been thinking how selfish I have been with all I chose. Let me explain. I believe I chose a great deal because I have memories of the other side and my observing this planet I believe there are a great many aspects of humanity that move at a s n a l e s p a c e. I chose a great deal. There were many souls on the other side who tried to talk me out of taking on so much in this incarnation but I forged ahead. Because of this there were some aspects of this life that were made more difficult. Some of the details of my life will not be made public at this time as some aspects are really too shocking and need to be done with the utmost care and professional supervision.
One thing I did not take into complete consideration is how emotionally this would effect others.
I was given permission from my father/molester to speak about his abuses when he told me to "speak up" and "have some self respect" during a period of my life where because of the sexual molestation I could not speak in more than a whisper. In turn he has played the hurt parent "for no apparent reason" who cried for weeks and I am blamed for all his pain. I also am blamed for breaking my mothers heart.
That is of course a very hurtful thing to live with. I always think of the saying, "To live is to learn, to die is to know". I believe it is an Eastern Asian Philosophy. I Love the Message and believe it. At this point I do not believe it will be possible to speak with my parents. There is too much of my life I would be forced to deny and I can not pretend I had any semblance of a relationship with my parents or my siblings. I do have and will continue to have some relationship with my cousins and Aunts and Uncles. I have sent out dozens of letters and emails to many relatives on the paternal side of my relation and I have received three responses. A cousin on my mothers side wrote and told me how proud she was of me. An uncle, my mothers brother wrote and said "I hope this is healing for you."
An aunt, my fathers sister, a former Catholic Nun, wrote and ignored the entire letter writing of only.........Sunshine, lollypops and Rainbows Everywhere..........!
I am always reminded of the unwritten motto of the Catholics.....
Deny Everything, Admit Nothing!
Getting back to the original message........I am mostly sad about how deeply my mother has been hurt.
I know what it is to experience a broken heart as it happened to me when I was 17 years old....or there about...........I was in my parents kitchen with my mother and the lower left part of my heart felt as if it were shifting....the the left..........it locked into place and there was a sharp jolt of pain. I had experienced a broken heart. I was not around when my mother experienced her broken heart, I only know that it was attributed to me. I had heart pains my whole life and it was attributed to a mental impairment. My mother has heart pains and I am the fault. "Oh for pity sake" is what I heard" as a young child when I had survived a near death experience after gang rape. I know if/when they know the truth they would/ will be mortified.
I have told a version of the following related story.....my apologies for those who have seen this before.
I have a friend who became pregnant in her junior year in high school. Being Catholic, she did not believe in abortion. She gave the child up for adoption. She did write a long letter to the infant who would get the letter when he was 18 years old. With that letter would be a way to connect with his berth mother, my friend. When that time came she was hurt as he decided to not respond.
How horrible it was for my mother to experience a broken heart. I think back and so many times she was the only one who really stood by me during it all. How horrible it was for me to have a broken heart as a young teenager as I rarely felt love while living with the people who were trying to give you love. All accept my father who is a Gemini and always lived a double life.
To live is to learn, to die is to know.
I do feel sad that my mother has been hurt but in a spiritual sense I believe that my father will some day be accountable for is actions. If not on this plain, on the other side.
If I do not reconnect with my mother before her passing, I pray it is a peaceful crossing over.
One thing I did not take into complete consideration is how emotionally this would effect others.
I was given permission from my father/molester to speak about his abuses when he told me to "speak up" and "have some self respect" during a period of my life where because of the sexual molestation I could not speak in more than a whisper. In turn he has played the hurt parent "for no apparent reason" who cried for weeks and I am blamed for all his pain. I also am blamed for breaking my mothers heart.
That is of course a very hurtful thing to live with. I always think of the saying, "To live is to learn, to die is to know". I believe it is an Eastern Asian Philosophy. I Love the Message and believe it. At this point I do not believe it will be possible to speak with my parents. There is too much of my life I would be forced to deny and I can not pretend I had any semblance of a relationship with my parents or my siblings. I do have and will continue to have some relationship with my cousins and Aunts and Uncles. I have sent out dozens of letters and emails to many relatives on the paternal side of my relation and I have received three responses. A cousin on my mothers side wrote and told me how proud she was of me. An uncle, my mothers brother wrote and said "I hope this is healing for you."
An aunt, my fathers sister, a former Catholic Nun, wrote and ignored the entire letter writing of only.........Sunshine, lollypops and Rainbows Everywhere..........!
I am always reminded of the unwritten motto of the Catholics.....
Deny Everything, Admit Nothing!
Getting back to the original message........I am mostly sad about how deeply my mother has been hurt.
I know what it is to experience a broken heart as it happened to me when I was 17 years old....or there about...........I was in my parents kitchen with my mother and the lower left part of my heart felt as if it were shifting....the the left..........it locked into place and there was a sharp jolt of pain. I had experienced a broken heart. I was not around when my mother experienced her broken heart, I only know that it was attributed to me. I had heart pains my whole life and it was attributed to a mental impairment. My mother has heart pains and I am the fault. "Oh for pity sake" is what I heard" as a young child when I had survived a near death experience after gang rape. I know if/when they know the truth they would/ will be mortified.
I have told a version of the following related story.....my apologies for those who have seen this before.
I have a friend who became pregnant in her junior year in high school. Being Catholic, she did not believe in abortion. She gave the child up for adoption. She did write a long letter to the infant who would get the letter when he was 18 years old. With that letter would be a way to connect with his berth mother, my friend. When that time came she was hurt as he decided to not respond.
How horrible it was for my mother to experience a broken heart. I think back and so many times she was the only one who really stood by me during it all. How horrible it was for me to have a broken heart as a young teenager as I rarely felt love while living with the people who were trying to give you love. All accept my father who is a Gemini and always lived a double life.
To live is to learn, to die is to know.
I do feel sad that my mother has been hurt but in a spiritual sense I believe that my father will some day be accountable for is actions. If not on this plain, on the other side.
If I do not reconnect with my mother before her passing, I pray it is a peaceful crossing over.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Regaining Your Humanity/ Not Unlike Escape from The Borg
I have always enjoyed Star Trek Voyager. I have recently been watching many of the reruns. The most recent episode I watched was about the Borg children who join the Voyager cast. They begin to regain their humanity. I felt a very real connection to them. From what I have read there is a high percentage of people who begin to remember their molestations in their early to mid twenties. That is not always the case but that is what happened with me. I believe that when I first began remembering all the molestation, that was the beginning of this long hard journey back to my own humanity. With anyone in this sic-fi series when you leave the collective of the Borg there are some metal implants in the body you cannot extract. Much in the same way that there are always going to be verbal implants in your head, there will be the emotional, spiritual and sometimes physical scars that you must address on a daily basis.
There is shock at the beginning. Hopefully if you have experienced this that you had some support.
I personally have received support from less than one percent of my family. Oh well. Move on.
I have had support from friends. As you move forward you must reintegrate yourself into society and begin to build bonds and friendships. You must find the keys that work for you to regain yourself and your spirituality.
Search what works for you. There may be many steps but pick and choose the best route that works for you.
There is shock at the beginning. Hopefully if you have experienced this that you had some support.
I personally have received support from less than one percent of my family. Oh well. Move on.
I have had support from friends. As you move forward you must reintegrate yourself into society and begin to build bonds and friendships. You must find the keys that work for you to regain yourself and your spirituality.
Search what works for you. There may be many steps but pick and choose the best route that works for you.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Cassie's Law: Provide Legal Protection for Children From Sexually Abusive Parents
This is a posting of a petition that some wonderful person on Facebook left on my Facebook page of the same name (Address Child Sexual Abuse) and I am of course compelled to pass it along here!
Please contact this site and sign the petition!
https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/cassies-law-provide-legal-protection-children-sexually-abusive-parents/W8n30krj
And please copy and past this flyer with this blog address. Thank you!
Please contact this site and sign the petition!
https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/cassies-law-provide-legal-protection-children-sexually-abusive-parents/W8n30krj
And please copy and past this flyer with this blog address. Thank you!
Friday, April 19, 2013
The 5,000th Page View! Thank You!
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