Tuesday, May 25, 2010

A Response from A Doctor of Psychology

Thank you for contacting me and for the comments about our site!

I visited your blog! I think it is very helpful! Only tips I would recommend (many survivors contact me with how they would like to help in the fight to reduce/eliminate sexual abuse) is to develop a core outline, with just a few main goals, for your efforts...this way it stays clear and precise, and it helps to enlist professionals and others and for them to see what the goals are...on occasions, some of the survivors I work with still have a lot of pain and anger toward the offender, and family members..and even though they really want to help agencies/public/people, their pain serves as a major distraction

For example, if a survivor had a main goal of reducing child sexual abuse...then developed a few good objectives....maybe a pilot type program in the school system...where all kids would be "screened" for sexual abuse during 3rd grade, 6th grade, and 10th grade....but in a non evasive fashion (so it doesn't upset parents)......and if the person worked on implemented such a program....or awareness...or holding the non offending parents accountable as well..or public speaking!

Keep up the great work!!!

This is an email I received from a Doctor in Psychology I wrote to and asked if he would take a look at my blog and respond with any advice. He was kind to respond. I am not including his name as I have not asked if I could do so.

While I love the advice he gave I am frustrated (as usual) that there is not a set way to go even beyond his advice. What about stopping the abuse before it starts? The suggestion is to set up "screenings" in a non evasive fashion as to not upset the parents. What if one of the parents is the problem? What if the wife is one of the many who would never believe that her husband would ever touch their child in a sexual way? While screening is a great idea, for me it seems like that is too late. It is not too late to stop what may be happening but it is too late to stop abuse from even starting.

I have often thought that there should be a human sexuality class that teaches us about our bodies and even our sexuality. I do not know exactly when that class should be in place but I would suggest it be starting around 6th grade. It would be a class that explain the body changes that we all go through but it would also approach the attractions we begin to have. There should be a clear explanation as to the different sexualities that there are. Heterosexuality, bisexuality, homosexuality transgender and all the lesser known sexualities that exist. When students get to 7th or 8th grade there should also be a chapter discussing attractions to younger people and talk about the statistics of the percentages of child molesters. There should be but there is not. I think my next step is to set up meetings with human sexuality teachers.

Anger is a Distraction.

I am told from this Doctor of Psychology that my anger is a distraction. I can not argue with that. How does one address child sexual abuse without anger? Are we not showing our sanity by showing anger? When we ask basic questions to the people who profess to be addressing child sexual abuse and there are seemingly no answers given, does that not provoke anger? I do not know how to walk on egg shells to ask the questions that need to be answered. I do not know how to do that and I do not know how others do it.

When I ask questions that are not answered it is frustrating and I get angry. When I look to the U.S. Government website about child sexual abuse it shows statistics but not much more and when I read to the bottom of the page it states that the site is inactive and is no longer updated. This should make anyone who is interested in addressing child sexual abuse angry. How do we harness that anger and be proactive and really make a difference in bringing the numbers of children molested down and finally bring an end to child sexual abuse? I do not have the answers.....and apparently the people I have contacted do not know either.

1 comment:

Anonymous Survivor said...

In re-reading the response I got from the Dr. of Psychology he said that "pain" is a distraction. I posted it as Anger as the distraction. I guess that one leads to the other and when I show anger to a professional organization they in turn will be passive aggressive and not respond at all. We all need to get past this type of behavior or in this persons eyes we will never be able to communicate and really address the issues at hand. Do you think that THIS message will ever reach the passive aggressive organizations? Let me get out the egg shells and try walking on them.