Monday, May 31, 2010

Acknowledging Your Child Was Sexually Molested Does Not Equal Failure As A Parent

Many parents believe that acknowledging their child has been sexually molested equals failure as a parent. Turning your back on your child after he or she has been molested is really more a failure especially if one of the parents is the molester. If one of the parents is the molester it is a great deal of work trying to figure out where your relationship lays with your spouse and your child or children. What does that make your marriage and has your whole life as a loving wife and mother been a complete sham? Often times as in my case my female parent is forced to choose is she more a mother or more a wife. In my case it turns out, and I believe this is the majority of the times when the female parent was more a wife. Many people in my relation have tried to convince me that child sexual abuse was just not a part of my life. In other words, I have some kind of mental impairment.
I have agreed to go through any kind of psychological testing to show that I was in fact a survivor of sexual abuse. Throughout the years I have asked my parents to join in with me on chats with what ever current therapist I was seeing at the time. They always declined saying, "We don't need to see a therapist. If it is helping you to not live in the past then we are glad for that.
Just for the fact I was seeing a therapist showed to them that I did and do have some kind of mental impairment and that is I am sure what they repeat to my relation when and if anyone would ask about me. I have no way of confirming that because with any form of communication I try with relatives fails as I never hear back from them. It's like the old saying....The bad news is I never hear from them but the good news is I never hear from them!

I wonder if we can look at the molesting of a child the same way we look at the story we have all heard as children. The story I speak of is how we should never touch a small wild animal or disturb a birds nest. If a small wild animal is touched, other animals will smell that scent and the animal will be rejected. The same is true if you disturb a birds nest. When someone touches a child they will act differently, especially if the molester is living in the house as well. When you disturb your own nest you create a great deal of turmoil. I was not a joy to live with as an infant and child. The molesting was happening a great deal especially when I was small. Remember, even when a child is sleeping they still have the seance of smell and each person has distinct smells even when you wear a fragrance. Children also have body memories if molestation happens in their sleep. In some capacity a child WILL remember. I believe when that children's story is told it should be extended to age appropriately discuss not touching or disturbing human babies. We should all be taught from an early age to not disturb any ones nest or living space.

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