Monday, April 12, 2010

Even Oprah Winfrey's family does not believe she was molested. (so says Kitty Kelly)

Who knows if what you read from Kitty Kelly is true. From what I know of her and her books (non of which I have read) her books are referred to as "Kitty Litter". There was an article I read in the USA Today news paper that said that the majority of Oprah Winfrey's own family do not believe that she was molested. I would love to interview Ms. Winfrey. While she has spoken about her abuse I would like to find out what her relation is with her family and how she deals with their not believing.

I have been on the Oprah Winfrey website today reading about her ongoing quest to address child sexual abuse and I again applaud her and Lisa Ling for the work they do. Lisa Ling has real guts to speak with the worst of the worst offenders.

A few of the quotes from the offenders really hit home with me.

Who are the most vulnerable victims? Laura says it's the children who aren't getting the love and attention they need at home.
(Laura is the only female on the island off the coast of Washington State [where the worst of the worst child sexual offenders are housed].

"[For] a lot of us, I guess, [the abuse] happened when we were younger, 8 or 9 years old. ... You really don't have much in your life at that age but your family, and for some people, a relationship with God," he says. "When something like that does happen, and it's a family member, you pretty much shatter that duality of the comfort of your family and your spirituality."

These two people are saying in different words what I have said already. The children who are not getting love and affection at home are the most vulnerable. An offender can zero in on that right away. When you are in an unsafe place where molestation has occurred that love will NEVER reach you. Even if you are getting attention from someone in the family, say your mother, in my case I never really trusted that love. I always felt I got attention just because that is what she was supposed to do and so I never trusted that I was worthy of love and attention.

The second quote says it clearly. When there is sexual abuse, the abuser Shatters the comfort and safety of the child.

My last post speaks of when the relationships of children and parents turn. My parents are now in their early 70's and there is certainly no hope of ever really trying to speak with them about the abuse that did happen in my "childless" house where I grew older. I find it difficult to say it was my childhood home as I really did not have a childhood, and I never really grew up there....more so I grew older. I lacked the social education and had to fend for myself by getting involved with extra curricular activities at school.

I have not spoken with many in my family about child sexual abuse. I did write a letter to all the aunts and uncles on my mothers side of the family and stated that there is a history of child sexual abuse on my fathers side of the family and non of them have ever spoken with me since. There are a few other reasons they will not speak with me and that includes my sexual orientation and because I changed my name. I have recently been emailing my younger sister who always had a very close relationship with my birth father. I told her that I knew I would never be able to convince her that I was ever sexually molested by my birth father and that was fine. Thinking back I don't think that it is fine. I did mention in my email that most people will remember their sexual abuse at around 25-28 years old. I am not sure how old my nieces and nephews are but I think she got what I was getting at to at least be somewhat prepared and not surprised to hear any one of them come forward to tell their own experiences of molestation. I did warn my sisters about allowing my birth father to baby sit their children many years ago when I was 27 when my first traumatic memories began to surface. I am not sure if they ever listened to my words.
Time will tell if he still had the urges with his grand children.

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