Every Person Needs To Belong To A Community

Recently I did a search of the word "community" to investigate how many different places a person could reach out to be a part of a group.  A part of a like-minded group to share and grow and help each other.  There are literally thousands of communities out there.  Of course there are the neighborhood communities, sports communities, theatre communities, reading club communities, scrap booking communities etc.  The list is endless and continues to change and evolve.  Some fall away as likes and trends change and there are lifelong communities as well.  Family can be a wonderful community, as are some of your lifelong friends who you see after many years and speak with each other as easily as you ever did.

I did the search about the word "community" because I believe that everyone should be a part of Some Kind Of Community.   Over the years there have been some people who have been rather shocked and saddened when they find that I have from an early age lived my life in a very solitary way.    Of course it was lonely at the beginning as the sexual abuse began when I was an infant.   I became comfortable with myself and spent most of my young life by myself.  I drew and painted and created many different crafts.  I remember most of the time when I was young the other children had to actually coax me into joining a game.  It happened dozens of times.  I believe that there were some times when they just finally gave up and were tired of doing this crazy act for this crazy person.  I do not blame them.

As it is now, I have somewhat been more on my own.  I feel right now I am part of a "Community of Survivors."  I socialize with friends from work sometimes and go out for a few cocktails and happy hour foods.  I go to an occasional  movie sometimes with a friend, sometimes by myself.  I find myself going to the 3D animated movies by myself as I don't know anyone my age who needs to be more of a child since I didn't have one.  But that's OK.  I now get to be a child.  Better late than never.

I hope you can sit back  and take a look at where you are in life.  To be part of a Community is Paramount and Not just for a Sexual Abuse Survivor.    We ALL need social interaction.   Part of the problem is that we don't all get training in social interaction or in a case like me there were bumps in the  road.  We All have bumps in the road.  There are always bumps if there is a history of drug use, or alcohol abuse or sex abuse.  The social graces fall to the wayside when you are engulfed in one or more of these issues.

Please be good to yourself and reach out to a like minded group to join and be a part of.  Search out a Community in your area  or on a Safe Community Online.  Be involved as you are comfortable with.        Maybe try once a week and grow from there.  Treat the people you meet with respect and find out about them and where they are in life.  When did they join the group?  What are there other interests?  Ask about some of the history of events that have happened in the past.  Grow as a person and help grow the Community that you Join!

Every Person Needs To Belong To A Community

The Latest Stats for Page-views To Date

Pageviews by Countries



United States
1986

Russia
444

Germany
122

United Kingdom
116

Canada
62

India
62

Australia
40

Netherlands
40

Ukraine
19

Finland
17

Thank You to all who have checked out this blog.

Fatherly Advise

I keep thinking of something my "father" said to me many years ago.  It was during a period of time where I was only able to speak in a whisper.  I was That traumatized by the sexual abuse I had survived.

My father and I were in the kitchen and he told me, "Speak up for yourself!  Have some self respect!"

At the time there was not a detailed example of "what" I should stand up about.  Somehow my "father" was not thinking of the 9 years he sexually molested me.  In essence my "father" gave me the push and the "permission" to stand up for myself.   The consequences are the rub!  You may never think of your mother as your mother as you did not bond with her.  You may be ostracized by your siblings.  You may have droves of relatives who ignore you and toss you under the bus.   Yes I did change my name, yes I did change my religion, yes I did not follow much of the advise my parents gave to me.  For my health and wellness are the only reasons I made these choices.  Unfortunately it seems that there are many relatives who are very angry for my choices.  Sorry. 

In the Gnostic Christian way of looking at things, we all have chosen to experience what we are experiencing so I do not blame anyone for what I am living through.  In the same sense my "father" should not Blame me for what he is experiencing.  He in fact told me to "speak up for myself"!
If I hurt him severely by the tone and wording of the letter that I sent to him outlining all of the acts of incest and the child porn he involved me in, I can only say he taught me not to pull punches.  It was just the way he was with me.  It kind of reminds me of a few lines from "The Prince Of Tides".   The main mother and son in the movie are having yet another difficult talk and the mother asked, "Who taught you to be so cruel?"  He looks her right in the eye and does not blink, "You did mama, you did."

It's a sense of comfort but not a great sense of comfort knowing that all that is not resolved here on this plane, Will be resolved on The Other Side.  (Heaven) or what ever word  you use for how you view what happens when we meet God again.    Whatever you are dealing with in your relationships, know that there will be resolve.  We still need to experience these things to grow.  In part that is what I think.
When we cross over, in our time, it Will become much more clear.

An Al Anon for Families Dealing with Incest/ The Debate On Family Loyalty

I have long thought that there should be an Al Anon type organization for families dealing with incest.  It would run in conjunction with the mandatory filing of legal papers of any sexual abuse or incest memories and followed with the certified  letter to the alleged pedophile or sexual predator to agree to a polygraph test for the sake of an end to child sexual abuse and the sake of your own families health and wellness.

 I have written of many of my family tragedies  here and the reactions and actions that were taken as a result of the family tragedies.  When there was cancer scare there was immediate action to combat the cancer.  When there was a stroke or heart attach there was immediate action with an Aspirin and very quick transportation to a hospital.  Where there was a case of Alzheimer's there was the appropriate action to sustain a quality of life and a group of family and friend who gathered to sustain each other.  When there was any trauma or any medical treatment that needed attention there was prompt and immediate attention.

When there was a memory of child sexual abuse and incest there was complete and total abandonment.  There was a defining silence.

*I looked up "Family Loyalty" and this is what I found.  From the following site.  http://family.jrank.org/pages/554/Family-Loyalty-Conclusion.html

Family loyalty is defined primarily in two different ways: (1) as adherence to norms of filial obligation; and (2) as the level of intergenerational solidarity or closeness between the generations in a family. Both of these definitions have been studied within ethnocultural family contexts. Specifically, much of the research on filial obligation has focused on Asian and Asian immigrant families, while other investigations into the development and maintenance of familistic attitudes and behaviors—the foundation for solidarity—have been done with Hispanic immigrants.
One shortcoming of the literature on family loyalty is that it fails to incorporate broader definitions or measures; that is, the research continues to define and measure loyalty according to adult children's levels of filial obligation or as attitudinal or behavioral congruence or similarity between parents and children. Clearly, other intragenerational measures, such as the quality of children's relationship with siblings and the quality of husband-wife relationships, can be used to measure familism.

Read more: Family Loyalty - Conclusion - Theory, Development, Journal, and Filial - JRank Articles http://family.jrank.org/pages/554/Family-Loyalty-Conclusion.html#ixzz2Fff1w4Y2

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 As far as I am concerned, I should be shown examples of "family loyalty" in order to proceed according to what I have been shown.  Treat me the same way you would like to be treated. 

Do I stay silent with my "family name" if/when they consistently refuse at all costs to address their involvement in incest and child sexual abuse?   

The bottom line is, "What have I got to lose" [when most of my relatives refuse to have anything to do with me for the past 25 years]?  

I have been in contact with two family members for many steps of this journey of survival.  There is an Uncle who is 10 years older than me and an cousin who is about the same age as me.  Recently when I told each person of a step I took in my survival, my cousin wrote back that she was very proud of all that I was doing as result of my many molestations.  My Uncle wrote back very quickly as well and expressed that he hoped that my actions "would be healing".  I certainly appreciated both people for their support but thought that the responses were certainly generational.  My Uncle seemed to me to a great deal more caucious with his support as he may know the older generation in a different way than I do.

In response to my Uncle, I believe that my actions will indeed be healing.   With actions that I take I may not find that my relation/family ever accept me as an incest survivor but I hope that even if I have a few sprouts of ideas of how to actually address this epidemic of child sexual abuse that those sprouts take root many others will build upon the plan that will end incest and child sexual abuse. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Is There A Pedophilia Gene? -

Is There A Pedophilia Gene? -

Relationships are Based on History and Experiences

"Relationships are not based on blood.  Relationships are based on history and experiences."  This is a quote by Dr. Phil.

I always like to say, "We are the sum of our parts, but most of us do not remember the sum of our parts.  What I am speaking of is the complete memory of all our past lives.  This easily explains how some very young people can compose music at age 4  or create masterpiece paintings at an early age.  They of course lived many past lives and studied what they are known for "now".

I absolutely believe that past relationships from our relatives or family will continue into other lives if you all choose to reincarnate again and again in order to learn the lessons that you all are trying to learn.  

When a person such as a pedophile, lives a double life and involves you in an incestuous relationship they in turn force you to live a double life too, especially when your relatives insist you never speak of what you survived or risk being tossed under the bus. 

Once you realize what has happened and after you hopefully find the right counselor and support team do you have to ponder your next step to decide if you will try to speak with your relatives about
this difficult issue.   Each persons experience is very personal and they have to weigh the pros and cons of each situation. 

I have not found the statistics on the percentage of incest survivors who are "tossed under the bus" if/when they try to address the issues of child sexual abuse.   I recently saw an interview with Rosanne Barr the well known comedienne / actress who was very vocal about being an incest survivor.  In the recent interview she said it was the worst thing she did in her life, to call the actions incest and to vocal about it.

I have the blessing/curse of remembering conversations with people I know or knew on this planet before we were incarnated in this lifetime.    I do remember that I had a conversation with my parents before we all came to this planet.  My parents did not want me to speak publicly about being a survivor of incest and child sexual abuse.  I agreed to be quiet about it, but when we get to this planet "all bets are off" and I responded to the sexual abuse in the fashion that my parents taught me.  The only thing is that my mother does not believe and never will believe that my father could ever be a pedophile and my father is a Gemini and would never be honest with me or anyone else about the sexual molestation he introduced me to.  It also helps that he is a sociopath. 

Gnostic Christians believe that, Everything you experience in life is everything you have chosen to experience or have agreed to live through for the sake of testing out your spirituality.   I do not use the word "blame" but I do use the word attribute.  

Another belief of Gnostic Christians is that all human souls were created at the same time.  So do not respect your elders.....as we are all the same age.  Respect the people who respect you!  

Remember that God is Perfection.   I remember sitting with my spirit guide deciding all that I wanted to experience in this life.  I remember looking at a type of scanning machine seeing and choosing what I would look like depending on what I chose in this lifetime.    Gnostic Christians believe that there is a Mother and Father God and that the "Honor they Father and thy Mother" Commandment refers to the Mother and Father God.   This does not apply to any man or woman who choose to have a child.


Relationships to me are based on the total history of experiences from all past lives lived with the person in that said relationship.    My parents, for the most part have been very controlling in many past lives I have lived with them.    I cannot apologize to my pedophile. 

Reaching Out to The Viewer In India

Dear Viewer From India,

My off and on partner for 20 years had a yearning to go to India.  He was on a quest to study yoga and meditation.   I explained to him that he could study those things in the fairly large city we both resided in but he really wanted to go as yoga's origin was in India.  

He lived with me for a year after his return from his studies.  I was faithful and many old loving feelings returned and it was wonderful to spend time with this kindred soul.   I struggled with finances and sometimes worked two jobs while my partner settled back into civilian life.  He was at a loss as he hadn't applied for a job in over 14 years.  He was a realtor.  I suggested he be a home inspector.  It was a natural progression from his many years selling homes.  He was able to move into an Ashram after a year of living with me.  He contributed if and when he was able.   He was reluctant to find a job and encouraged me to find a better paying job.  After about 10 days at the Ashram he called and demanded I let him move back in with me.   I told him I was not able to let him move back.  I struggled to make ends meet with sometimes working two jobs.   I asked what was the matter and he would not discus what he experienced at the Ashram that made him want to leave.

He did tell me when he was in India that he felt very much at home.  I am sure he was experiences many memories of past lives.  I have seen him standing in front of shrines or sculptures crying for joy at being back at these beautiful and sacred places as he describes them to me.  

So Dear Reader from India I am asking you to reach out to me.  Do you also believe in reincarnation?   How are you affected by the rather heavy subject of child sexual abuse?  Are you also a survivor?

The reason I am writing this post is that I can investigate where in the world my viewers are watching from.  I see that there is one viewer from India.   I am reaching out to you specifically.  I am not entirely sure how accurate that guage is but I thought I would reach out.  Please respond to my email for this blog.

addresschildsexualabuse@yahoo.com 


I will always respect you and not publish anything without your complete authorization.

 *It is now December 1st. 2012.   The person or people from India who viewed my blog have not as yet responded to my post.   There is always time.