Sunday, January 6, 2013

Fatherly Advise

I keep thinking of something my "father" said to me many years ago.  It was during a period of time where I was only able to speak in a whisper.  I was That traumatized by the sexual abuse I had survived.

My father and I were in the kitchen and he told me, "Speak up for yourself!  Have some self respect!"

At the time there was not a detailed example of "what" I should stand up about.  Somehow my "father" was not thinking of the 9 years he sexually molested me.  In essence my "father" gave me the push and the "permission" to stand up for myself.   The consequences are the rub!  You may never think of your mother as your mother as you did not bond with her.  You may be ostracized by your siblings.  You may have droves of relatives who ignore you and toss you under the bus.   Yes I did change my name, yes I did change my religion, yes I did not follow much of the advise my parents gave to me.  For my health and wellness are the only reasons I made these choices.  Unfortunately it seems that there are many relatives who are very angry for my choices.  Sorry. 

In the Gnostic Christian way of looking at things, we all have chosen to experience what we are experiencing so I do not blame anyone for what I am living through.  In the same sense my "father" should not Blame me for what he is experiencing.  He in fact told me to "speak up for myself"!
If I hurt him severely by the tone and wording of the letter that I sent to him outlining all of the acts of incest and the child porn he involved me in, I can only say he taught me not to pull punches.  It was just the way he was with me.  It kind of reminds me of a few lines from "The Prince Of Tides".   The main mother and son in the movie are having yet another difficult talk and the mother asked, "Who taught you to be so cruel?"  He looks her right in the eye and does not blink, "You did mama, you did."

It's a sense of comfort but not a great sense of comfort knowing that all that is not resolved here on this plane, Will be resolved on The Other Side.  (Heaven) or what ever word  you use for how you view what happens when we meet God again.    Whatever you are dealing with in your relationships, know that there will be resolve.  We still need to experience these things to grow.  In part that is what I think.
When we cross over, in our time, it Will become much more clear.

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