Saturday, December 10, 2011

Sometimes, When You Lose Your Father, The Molester Remains

I went to a funeral today. It was the death of a friends father. One of the daughters who spoke said,"You are never the same after you lose your father." I believe that once a person acts in a sexual way to their infant or child that you are no longer the father. You are the molester. I believe I lost my father when I was an infant. The really strange and confusing thing is that when the father is gone and the molester is still there, what should I feel about this person? Sometimes you do not have a choice of how your feel toward someone. There are some wicked consequences if you do not play the game about child sexual abuses. Most families will tell you point blank, "You will bury these false memories and never bring them up again. If you do this you can be part of the family." The others, like myself who held on to the belief that honesty is the best policy chose to try to address child sexual abuse.

There are so many instances of unwritten rules. In the job market I was told many times to "play the game". Basically lie. Play along. Don't make waves. Fade into the crowd. If you do anything else you are labeled as someone trying to draw attention to themselves. I am told the same in my private life. I was raised Catholic and they taught me to be honest. Oh, but lets not mention when that visiting priest felt you up when he "helped" you on with that cassock.

I lost my father long ago. He took himself away from me. He also took the rest of the family with him. Then he stood back and tossed me under the bus when I began having memories of the many times he would put his penis in my mouth. What should I feel about this family man? This upstanding community man. This man who volunteered in the cub scouts, who raised a family of 4 with many vacations and family dogs, with all the outward appearances that showed the neighbors and everyone what a wonderful man he is. I would be part of this family if I only smiled and said everything is just fine. Everything is as fine as Ward and June Cleaver looking that we strive for it to be. For me to do that I believe I would lose part of my soul.

For some their family is like having the whole world. What good is it if a man should gain the whole world and yet lose his own soul. I choose not to lose my soul. I guess since many will not answer my letters about trying to address child sexual abuse that this is one family legacy that will continue. I sadly have no power over this. I reached out and warned my sisters of what could happen. Let us hope he did not act upon his yearnings. I guess that if this does in fact continue that I find some 2nd or 3rd cousin willing enough to be honest as I have and actually try to address this epidemic.

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