There are many survivors of child sexual abuse. If you ask any parent of a survivor how they feel about child sexual abuse they would have the same public disgust of this epidemic as any other person who is a parent or not. If you ask them if they would be open to exploring "the truth between two people" you will most likely come up against a brick wall with the usual excuse that there is mental impairment and false memories with their child. This is as I have stated before one of the main reasons why we can not get a grip on this ever expanding epidemic.
Recently I have been communicating with an older sister who asked for my address. I have 3 siblings who I have had little to no contact with for the last 20 years. I was very involved with human rights issues and did some very involved volunteer work that I received no support with. Every time I asked asked for support (over a 2 year period) with something that was very important to me my relatives took a step backward and said no. Each time they stepped back and said no....I in turn stepped back and refused to support them.
It really is true that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. So we both stepped away from each other for 20 years and out of the blue my sister asks for my address? I am of course suspicious and ask why. She refused to even accept my friendship request on face book from over a year ago. I suggested she accept my friendship and I would give her my address there. No Go! She did not "get it" why I was so upset that she would not accept my friendship. To date my older sister has accepted 143 friends but could not accept my friendship. I have a younger sister who also has refused to accept my friendship on facebook. I am not sure if my younger brother is on facebook at all. He may have put a block on my profile already before I could ask for a friendship.
There is no reason I should trust her and I wondered if this was the beginning of her and other relatives asking me to never show my face in my home town again. I guess I am giving myself advise as to how I should deal with this lack of a relationship. If I have stated that she gives me no reason why I should trust her why am I so upset that she would not accept my friendship on facebook. Just the word friendship would give me hope that there would be some kind of relationship with her and might even open up the possibility of other friendships with other relatives.
We always had the power. It is a mantra of many people who know and love the "Wizard of Oz" but when will we have the backbone to move forward with that power. What about the misuse of power? With power most often you have the misuse of power and the good intent is never realized. There seems to be too many laws protecting a person and not enough laws protecting the many people affected by the misuse of power.
With my own memories of child sexual abuse when some of the memories were still foggy I heard the immediate words from my father that, "IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!" Here is the misuse of power. My pedophile tossed me under the bus.
I could not get support for any social issues I was working to help or doing volunteer work for a period of 20 years. I could not even get a friendship acceptance from 2 of my sisters. Another door has been shut in my face.
You really do have to create your own family when this kind of thing happens but when your trust has been shattered to many times and in so many ways it is very difficult to know who to trust and how to begin.
I say to myself (and to you) that you have to start somewhere and I think that you just have to take the plunge. I will begin with small things and begin to trust in baby steps. Once you begin to trust the small things you build a foundation of trust and you can begin to grow more. This will not happen overnight or even in a few years. Even if you have 3 good friends that you can trust who will be there for you with opportunities for you to be there for them you are a blessed person.
You also have to really like yourself and like your own company. With me I spent much of my childhood alone and explored who I was by myself and did get to really enjoy my time alone. Take a few small steps and feel better about yourself.
I still do not want to give up all hope but there may come a time when you might be healthier to just make a clean break. I am not saying to burn all bridges but there may come a time when you just can't try any more if the person or people in question do nothing to at least meet you half way. The imbalance of perceptions of the events that led up to the break in a relationship with a survivor and the person driving the bus and people riding on that bus is huge.
We somehow need to get the driver to the back of the bus and let people who do not misuse power into the drivers seat.
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