Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The Truth Between Two People

Could it be as simple as this? Could we begin to have an end to sexual abuse if we just simply investigated what is the truth about two people? The two people I speak of are the infant or child and the adult who is sexually molesting them. Just ask yourself what is the first and sometimes only excuse that sexually abusive people put forth. It is that the person proclaiming sexual molestation is mentally impaired. I myself dealt with panic attacks when I was young. I was briefly hospitalized because I had a very fast heart rate and the doctor called it a "nervous heart". It was the psych ward. When I discovered where I was I questioned my mother and she explained the rest of the hospital was full. I personally do not remember the great epidemic of 1980. From all outward appearances some of my actions were very crazy. Was it due to something I was born with or is it because I was living in an unsafe house? Keep in mind that most people remember the sexual abuse in their mid to late 20's and so the emotional part is still very prevalent. Depending on the level of sexual molestation, will depend on just how emotional a person gets.

In my situation the majority of my family have refused to speak to me for the better part of 20 years. It has always been my birth parents modus operandi to lay down the law and end the conversation. This has never worked for me. After many years of trying to speak with them and they continuing to keep repeating that I was mentally impaired, we have at this writing never really reconnected and I do not believe it will ever happen.

What if I the two people in question took polygraph tests? What if we just found out from beginning if there was sexual abuse or if someone is mentally impaired? Surly you care about your daughter or son enough to get them help for the mental impairment that you insist she or he has! I have not proposed this to my own birth father as yet but what are the chances that he would not pass? I know that the man who molested me would certainly fail the test. The only thing I was interested in was to actually as the blog title says, ADDRESS CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE. I wanted to investigate as far back as we could find instances of child sexual abuse in my own relation.

Public humiliation, legal action, loss of love from wife and family and friends and suicide are just a few of the fears of a child molester.

It's much easier to just toss the acusser under the bus. They ALWAYS have a history of acting crazy "with pent up emotions that emerge without conscious knowlege of why they are there" yet they will remember in their mid to late twenties! It seems just too text book for words. And somehow we as a group of people have not been able to figure out a sound solution after so many years of trying?!?

The only thing I wanted to find out from my molester is, What Happened To You? I believe that what I have experienced is a generational thing and it WILL continue in my relation after I am long dead. The proverbial brick wall is what I am up against and while that is most likely a fact in my relation it does not need to be a fact in your or other persons cases. If you can IN WRITING and with THOUGHTFULNESS and UNDERSTANDING.......put down on paper that the sole reason you want the truth is to investigate in your own family if it is mental impairment or child molestation.

I personally believe it would be a fair thing if there were some kind of compensation for the survivor for counselors or some kind of other stipend for living conditions while being a survivor. That would have to be decided between the two people in question.

I believe this may all sound like a kind of Utopian way of looking at it. Sunshine and lolly pops and rainbows and unicorns.

Could their someday be a law to Investigate The Truth About Two People? I think it could be real way to make a dent in the ever growing epidemic of child sexual abuse. I believe it could all be done quietly. It would have to be a very carefully worded law. It would be very tricky and I would need a very able lawyer to help with the content. Are there any lawyers reading this?
Do you know a lawyer who deals with child sex abuse cases? If you do know someone, please send him or her a copy of this blog post. Thank you.


Anonymous said...


I am so very sorry to hear of your past abuse. I would like to applaud you though for starting this blog and trying to tackle this in a logical manner.

I can not tell you what happened you your abuser to lead them to do what they did, but i can tell you my story and how i came to do something i will never forgive myself for.

My parents separated when i was 4, my mum got full custody as most mums do. I only got to visit my dad once after they separated and never heard from him again.

My mum was is very kind hearted honest person, but very much a loner. She was picked on a lot in school which is why i think she shys away from people and isn't very confident. We moved around a lot when i was growing up, mainly in rural areas with few people. she says thats what she likes. She has a few good friends and thats it. She doesn't smoke, drink, party, or go out.

Im telling you this so you can get a picture of my role model was for most my child hood. While there are definitely worse mums out their and i love her very much, its obvious she never had the skill set to help me fit in and be popular/cool at school.

For the longest time i could never understand why people didnt like me and were mean to me. I was kind and honest just like my mum. Moving around a lot didnt help either, every time i might make a friend we would move again. This really effected my social skill development i think.

At around 14 i started fighting with my mum, and rejecting the goodie two shoes shit. I started drinking/smoking and doing stupid stuff to try be cool, it got me a few friends but you can imagine they weren't the type of friends that were a good influence. Also because really shake the kind good person i was inside, i never really fit in and came across as trying too hard, so my "friends" didnt really respect me.

You can imagine when it came to girls i was useless. many girls insulted me as much as the guys did. I was the looser, slightly overweight poor kid that everyone loved to hate. When i got bigger and stronger, they just stopped saying it too my face, most the time..

I used to take my frustration and anger out on my mum, which ruined our relationship and i moved out when i was 16

Even after i stopped trying to be a bad cool guy around 17, i just didnt have that manly confidants that i guess you get from your dad. All i wanted in high school was to find a girl to love and be together with happily ever after styles. I was a romantic, i didnt want one night stands and sluts. Another thing that rubbed off on me from my mum i guess. I know it might sound like a good thing, but reflecting back i dont think a young man should be thinking this way.

Obviously i hated school and left in my finial year. Bonus i didnt have to deal with harassment every day. But no i was alone and my social life dropped from shit to non existent.

All those years of harassment ruined my confidants and self esteem, making it hard to meet friends/wemon in the real world. Plus still poor so not much i could afford to do to meet people anyway.

in 2006 i attempted suicide at age 20. was so sick of being alone and having no one. after that i moved back in with mum, but i could feel her disappointment and resentment towards me so i moved to a new city for a fresh start after a few months.

Got stuck into work determined to set myself up financially so i could finally have a life and hopefully have friends and meet a girl that would love me. Was working night shift 7 days a week since moving to this new city. Did that for about a year and a half. Obviously in that time i didnt really meet many people apart from old guys at work that i had nothing in common with.

Anonymous Survivor said...

Thank you for responding and being brave for sharing your own story and your own ideas for keeping children safe from molestation. I have to spend more time in proccessing all that is in your letter to fully comment on the contents. Not being computer savy I have to explore if there is an email attached to your comment to be able to reach you more directly. I have long wanted to interview a person who has been convicted of child molestation. If you are open to this please contact me at addresschildsexualabuse@yahoo.com.

There would be complete discretion if you would be open to this.