Excerpt of S.E. Smith Article Printed With Permission

WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE APPROACHES TO TELL YOU ABOUT SEXUAL ASSAULT OR ABUSE

When a person comes to you to tell you that ou has experienced sexual assault, rape, incest, molestation, or abuse, it’s a scary and intense thing. A lot of people freeze in this situation, even people who have experience with these kinds of conversation. Even (sometimes especially) people who have experienced these things themselves.

http://meloukhia.net/2010/06/what_to_do_when_someone_approaches_to_tell_you_about_sexual_assault_or_abuse.html




Copy and paste this entire address above and it will take you to the full article S.E. Smith has written.  I appreciate that the author has allowed me to reprint this excerpt.  It is wonderfully insightful.  We must help each other acquire the tools in order to heal ourselves and our families.   

Prove It!

I was speaking with a friend about my blog and he was showing no hope in what I was trying to accomplish.  I am working towards having child sexual abuse reach a plateau and then bringing it to an end.

He looked me straight in the eye and said,"Prove it!"

Good point.  In the age of cameras everywhere it might be easier now than when I was a child.
Yes, my pedophile did include me in child pornography but with pictures dating back to 1966 that might prove to be a little more difficult.  I am not sure where I would begin to look for pictures of myself in child porn.

In my own personal case I believe I could prove it in a court of law.   I have always enjoyed public speaking anyway.  Would be interesting.   Have to think about that.



In a conversation with my pedophile, before everything was clear about who he was to me, (pre-memories) we were chatting and I was saying how I really had a bad childhood.   He responded that he knew I had a bad childhood.   He explained it away saying, "That's because you were unhappy."   "Why was I unhappy?" I asked.  "Because you had a bad childhood!" came the "logical" answer.

Three Words.  Little. White. Lies.


If a person would match up the timeline of what I remember with child sexual abuse, with the timeline of all the times I "acted up" or "acted strangely" you would see a definite pattern.   Is that proof?

There is a definite lack of feelings toward my biological parents and siblings.  Is that proof?

The details of my life such as patterns of relationships are a text book example from a person who has been sexually molested.  Is that proof?

I am willing to go through any test to show that I am a survivor of child sexual abuse.  The main person in question has refused to answer a letter I wrote outlining the details of his involvement in my survival of child sexual abuse.  I can not speak for him but, do you think he would agree to go through a polygraph test?  I doubt it.  Is that Proof?


The saddest part of all of this is, All I ever wanted to find out from him, my pedophile was, What happened to You?  I only wanted to speak with him alone, quietly, away from his wife, my biological mother.

Can we ever really Prove It?   Do we need to put cameras on our children 24/7 in order to document and PROVE IT?

Contributing To The Downfall Of Society

What are some of the key factors of the downfall of society?  Some of the big ones that come to mind are drug abuse, alcoholism,  prostitution and gambling.

Isn't there kind of a domino effect with many of these issues?  Don't many people who are "down on their luck" face a multitude of issues simultaneously?    I wonder what the statistics would say on just how many of those "down on their luck" people had been sexually assaulted?  Of of those who had been assaulted, how many people in those family's stood by and supported them.

I would say the high percentage of them were never supported at all.  People do what they do to survive.  They continue with what they were taught.  What they saw when they were growing up.
They are turned away so they turn to drugs and the cycle of sex and drugs replay what they most likely grew up with.  They replay what they have been trained almost since birth, some of us!   How many children who were sexually molested were the child of a drug addicted prostitute and how many will grow up to follow in moms "fuck me" pumps?   But then there are the statistics that state that child sexual abuse happens in every sosio-economical community.  Which means that there are people of all communities who get tossed under the bus.  So there is equality in abandonment.   Good for us.

What if there was no child sexual abuse.  If there was no child sexual abuse, there would be less drug and alcohol addiction.   There would be less prostitution.  There would be fewer run aways.  There would be fewer deaths as a result of sex abuse.  What if all those 6 million children were not sexually molested.    What kind of society do you think we could build?

Is child molestation a key factor in the decline of Society?  If a family member denies you and refuses to address the child sexual abuse and/or incest in their own relation, are they not contributing to the continued downfall of society?   Isn't it too much a Gamble to Not address the issues of Child Sexual Abuse?

Reported Decline in Child Sexual Abuse?

Numerous studies say rates are dropping, but some remain skeptical in communities of color.  *Not just in the communities of color.  


According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network), 15 percent of sexual assault and rape cases occur among children under the age of 12, with 93 percent of juvenile sexual assault perpetuated by someone they know. Of those assaults, 34.2 percent of attackers were family members, 58.7 percent were acquaintances and only 7 percent were complete strangers.

While nearly 80,000 incidents of child sexual abuse are reported to authorities each year, the Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry says six million children are abused nationwide each year.

Those numbers are incredibly worrisome, but the good news is more victims are coming forward to report abuse, and rates of abuse have declined 60 percent between from 1992 to 2010.

The New York Times reported:

The evidence for this decline comes from a variety of indicators, including national surveys of child abuse and crime victimization, crime statistics compiled by the F.B.I., analyses of data from the National Data Archive on Child Abuse and Neglect and annual surveys of grade school students in Minnesota, all pointing in the same direction.

From 1990 to 2010, for example, substantiated cases of sexual abuse dropped from 23 per 10,000 children under 18 to 8.6 per 10,000, a 62 percent decrease, with a 3 percent drop from 2009 to 2010, according to the researchers’ analysis of government data. The Minnesota Student Survey charted a 29 percent decline in reports of sexual abuse by an adult who was not a family member from 1992 to 2010 and a 28 percent drop in reports of sexual abuse by a family member. The majority of sexual abuse cases involve family members or acquaintances rather than strangers, studies have found. 
Experts are not exactly sure why this decline has happened, but Dr. David Finkelhor, director of theCrimes Against Children Research Center, told the Times that heightened awareness, better policies, education and training, and prevention programs may be the reason.

Yet there are some advocates who are skeptical, especially when it comes to rates in different communities of color where there is less dialogue and funding. There are also worries that funding will decrease if sexual abuse is not viewed as a serious epidemic.

Regardless of whether these rates are going down, the Jerry Sandusky trial is a constant reminder that all parents need to talk to their children about sex, healthy boundaries and the dangers of pedophiles.

For advice on how to talk about sexual abuse, click here. 


Reported by Kellee Terrell  for BET online.


My response to this article I saw online. 



As a survivor of incest and child sexual abuse I absolutely disagree with the claim that there is a decline in child sexual abuse.  They state "substantiated cases" of sexual abuse dropped in the 1990-2010 period of years.  Child sexual abuse is reported 80,000 times a year yet The Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry reports that 6 Million children are sexually assaulted each year.   "Family Loyalty" plays a big part of the hiding of pedophiles.   That is the case with me.  Most of my relatives have refused to speak with me for 20 years because I dared to speak about my father molesting me for 9 years through my infancy up till I was about in 4th grade.  My relatives refuse to speak of it.  I have no power to do anything and most likely incest will be a silent family tradition until the next survivor steps forward and is most likely tossed under the bus as I have been.  Join in the conversation at:
address child sexual abuse at blog spot (dot) com.   Survivors need to join forces.  IF we join together we would be a powerful group.

The Conditions Of Unconditional Love

This is pure conjecture but isn't it an honest assessment of my and many others situations that there are often many conditions to what many "family's" claim to be their Unconditional Love?

I have tried to address the issues of incest and child sexual abuse with one or more "loving, supportive" family members for a period of 20 years!  In all that time I have not gotten anywhere!   In all that time every last family member would most likely claim to have done all that they could.  Most "family members" would also claim to give you Unconditional Love.  I think most of those family members would be lying through their teeth!

Having grown up Catholic and knowing about "little white lies" I know all too well how people can side step basic honesty.

We all have to face that "little white lies" are not "little" and they are "Not White"....but they still remain "Lies"!


Let's take the Conditions out of Unconditional Love.


*I often read and re-read my posts for the clarity of thought I want to get across and to check for any grammatically incorrect passages.  I do have to clarify here that the frustration I have felt thus far is
predominantly with my paternal side of my relation.  I have made some progress in reconnecting with my mothers side of the family.  There is one female cousin in particular who immediately asked many questions and sent me a long detailed email with many resources about child sexual abuse.  Thanks and Love you Dorothy!

A Programmed Belief / Survivors Need To Join Forces

I love Futurama.  Here is a little dialogue from that show that shows that change is scary even for a robot~! 
Not sure if this is just a stretch but I thought of the plight of children who are continually not supported and or tossed under the bus as family members refuse to believe that the "cancer" of incest and child sexual abuse a part of their lives. 


Robot Villager #2: With all your modern science, are you any closer to understanding the mysteries of how a robot walks and talks?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Yes, you idiot! The circuit diagram is right here on the inside of your case.
[Opens the panel on robot's chest]
Robot Villager #2: [closes panel] I choose to believe what I was PROGRAMMED to believe! 


If a survivor (opens up) about being a survivor, how often does a family really listen and take the survivor seriously?  


If only ALL the survivors could join together~!  That would be a force to be reckoned with!  

The Blog Farm / No Comment From My Aunt And Uncle

In my quest to bring more traffic to this blog I have registered at The Blog Farm.

http://www.theblogfarm.com/blog

Even though the blog counter says 800 some hits.......it is actually 1,600 hits to date!  (as shown in the guts of this blog)  Still trying to fix and update the counter.


No Comment thus far from the letter I sent to my Aunt and Uncle.