Questions for a Nonsupporting Family

1.In the event that someone in my family remembers child sexual abuse I will…

a.Refuse to believe it and dismiss the person who has memories of child sexual abuse.
b.Support all parties involved in this national epidemic.
c.Educate myself before I make any judgment, before making any decisions.
d.Choose ignorance.
e.Explain on back of page in free form answer if no answer applies to you.

2.My knowledge of incest and child sexual abuse is…

a.I have no knowledge of this national epidemic.
b.I only know about what is in the news and the internet and churches.
c.I do not read such articles, I choose ignorance.
d.Explain on back of page in free form answer if no answer applies to you.

3.What are your views on eliminating the statute of limitations regarding child sexual abuse?

a.There is no statute of limitations for a child who survives child sexual abuse so I believe it should be eliminated.
b.Ten years is a long enough time to take action when investigating child sexual abuse regardless if the person in question is supported or not.
c.When sorting out the ever increasing memories and trying to put them all together there needs to be a longer time.
d.I choose ignorance.
e.Explain on back of page if no answer applies to you.

4.Knowing that child sexual abuse is more about control than anything else I remember that…..

a.My father was a very controlling person.
b.My grandfather was a very controlling person.
c.My uncle was a very controlling person.
d.Controlling men were on my Mothers/Fathers side.  (circle paternal choice when applicable)
e.I choose ignorance.
f.Explain on back of page if no answer applies to you.

5.The reason I do not support the person in my family who has had memories of child sexual abuse is that…

a.My relationship with the man/men the family member remembers is strong and I will not rock that relationship.
b.I never bonded with the person in question and was always told that he/she had a mental impairment.
c.It is a depressing subject and I am too busy to deal with all this.
d.To not support this person is the easiest thing to do.
e.I choose ignorance.
f.Explain on back of page if no answer applies to you.



*I asked my sister many months ago if she would be interviewed by me for this blog.  She said, "No thanks"  I still thought it would be interesting to type out a few questions.  Maybe I will sent this out to a few family members.   If you yourself are experiencing abandonment issues you might choose to use this as a template for your own questions for your family or friends.  If you like print these off and discuss them with your therapist.  Add to the questions and share them here if you like.  Continue to keep the conversation going!  And thank you for checking in.

Focus Away From The Poisoned Houses and Places of Molestation

I have been thinking about how the houses I grew up in were basically poison.

                                                 
This is not the house I grew up in.  This house is in the neighborhood I live in now.  It looks exactly like the house I was in the longest in my childhood.  The houses I grew up in were what I call the scenes of the crimes.  For some reason my father was attracted to infants and children so each house I lived in started out very nicely but quickly turned bad for me when I was molested in each house.  My parents and more so my mother had many places that I and my siblings would go to over the years.  There were many wedding dances, church picnics, parks and lakes and water-skiing, and camping and family gatherings.  There were very large gatherings at Christmas time and from any persons point of view if you saw all that was presented to me and my siblings you would think that we had it made!  Such generosity of activities and many sacrifices to make all that happen!  Some of us had it made but I was not one of those lucky ones.  The main foundation of your life is where you live.  If you have been violated in a building and forced to live in the place of many violations, that crushes you.  You really do not form a bond with siblings and certainly not your parents as one is violating you and the other trusts her husband explicitly!

At least I have those memories and snippets of relaxation so I try to focus on that part of my past memories.  I have to move beyond the major stresses that living in poisoned houses left me with and focus on the memories away from the poisoned houses.