Friday, March 15, 2013

I Was Not Acting Up, I Was Reacting

Acting up, having a panic attack, acting crazy.  Loopy, not all there, touched in the head.  There are many ways to label a person if they are not acting within the means of basic social standards.

The clever part of my relatives is that over the years when more and more people turned away from and and refused to communicate back to me i.e. answering a letter, an email or returning a phone call, no one will tell me how they view this situation.  No one will say to my face that they think that I am mentally impaired.   I can not get a answer from anyone about the debate of whether I am a survivor of child sexual abuse or am I just mentally not all there.


From the time I moved away from the unsafe house I grew up in to this moment now there has been a fairly steady healing.  There were times where I did have panic attacks but the length of them and the severity of them have decreased greatly.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  For all the sexual abuse I survived, if you look at how severe my panic attacks were, could you not see that the sexual molestation was that severe as well.

I was not acting up, I was reacting.



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