One thing that I have heard many times and have repeated here is the rule of "For every action there is and equal and opposite reaction. Recently a sister of mine asked for my mailing address through an email. I suggested that she accept my friendship on face book and I would give her my address there. She refused and said she didn't understand why I made such a big deal about it. She would not accept my friendship on face book even though she had accepted 143 friends to date. I do not believe that she put up such a fuss with many or any of the 143 that she befriended before my request. She said she didn't "get it" why I made such a fuss. For me, it would simply establish that we were friends. It really is a simple thing. It was complex for my sister.
I looked up the quote "Appearances count for everything" but could not find it's origin. I think I was told that by a few people who had knowledge of business practices. Appearances count for everything. I am beginning to think that it is absolutely true.
In all aspects of life in all ages of life appearances count for everything and they weigh heavy every stage in your life.
I did not have a childhood. I was always being told act your age. I relied on other children near my age that i would mimic.
When I was growing up and enduring the many episodes of sexual abuse from my father, from a priest from a stranger from whomever....each time I would disappear, I would bury what just happened because I was not able to comprehend and deal with and address the assault I had just lived through. Each time there was an assault I would automatically act like the child near me.
By all outward appearances the person who just assaulted me could simply, [if ever they came close to being found out] could simply state they were helping me to a glass of water; bringing me to the bathroom or consoling be because of a nightmare. What was I going to do or say? I was in my buried state and I could not say anything because how did I have the vocabulary to say anything?
By all outward appearances they look to be kind and generous with their care of an infant or child. You most likely you do not know what you have almost witnessed.
When a young child begins to grow up, they will most likely have great and grand mood swings. Think of how jarring the experience of being sexually molested as an infant or child. When you are growing up your emotions will not match up to your age as you do not have the memories and the know how to decipher and address those very complex memories and experiences. The level of mood swings and multi-level of behaviors will be equal to the level of child molestation. Always remember the equation "equal and opposite".
There is a very big possibility that the young child who grows into young adulthood will continue to have outbursts that may lead to alcohol and drug use and or a trip to the psych ward for a short or extended visit depending on the level of molestation you have endured and survived. Let's all begin to think of ourselves as survivors. We are still here to read this and take in all it explains so We Are Survivors! Be proud of that!
But always thing about how "Appearances Are Everything" What everyone sees in the past will dictate how people will think about you in the here and now. What it looks like is what it is with most folk!
If you look at the statistics of how many people get tossed under the bus you will see that what I am experiencing is pure text book. I again have not looked it up but I could venture to say this has most likely been going on for too many decades! People would be shocked but many would still be complacent and just figure....that's the way things are. I just "Thank God It's Not In My Family!"
So....do not forget that as you are going through this, yet another stage of survival, there is a loving, caring parent stepping forward yet again to sweep in and save the day! I How many times has this been?!?!? I am getting so sick and tired of the saintly man of a father stepping in to help that poor sickly mentally impaired person! I would not blame him if he just gave up on this hopeless mentally impaired young man. (This scenario is in part fictionalized but this is based on what has happened to me. Keep in mind that there are so many relatives I know who will never answer a direct and specific question. It is all about saving face. How many hundreds of thousands of families are saving face to toss a survivor under the bus?
What is the value of that family name who would sacrifice a member of the family to "Save Face" and submit to "Not In My Family"? What should I think of my own "family"?!?!? What would they think of themselves if they ever thought to think of themselves as the people that most people would feel disgust about? Who are the people who are perpetuating the continuation of child sexual abuse the most? They are the people who are on the bus that you are tossed under.
We have the technology of exploring "The Truth Between Two People" but the law is on the person "with nothing to hide". That would be the "alleged molester". If you try to investigate "The Truth Between Two People" you are going to come across some of the most believable explanations that could ever be fabricated as they are so "text book". The crazy acts of the "survivor" all fit with the crazy acts they instigated and that coincides with generous and loving acts by the loving (in my case) father who stepped forward ''once again" to try to help such a lost soul.
It is outward appearances that people will see and believe.
The perception of "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction" is that the survivor is the instigator of the initial actions that hurt their family. Just ask yourself the age old question, What came first, the chicken or the egg?" What came first, The molester or the survivor?
At the present time my mother will not answer any of the many letters I have sent her and her husband. I have also called a few times and visited to my home town last year and still I do not hear from any of them. It is all because there is "bad blood" which many believe I started with my crazy actions that "somehow" came out of the blue! In other words I in many peoples eyes have a mental impairment.
I will take any and all tests to check my mental health. Do you think that the man or men who molested me would take a polygraph test?
Each time I asked for help and did not get it I took a step back. Each time I took a step back the people I asked for help also took a step back and now we are very far apart with no chance to reconcile as the people in my life have always layed down the law and ended the conversaion. How can you speak with people who refuse to speak with you?
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