Proving What Can NOT Be Proven

In trying to address child sexual abuse we have to really just stop, step back and look at the entire situation. Can we ever prove child sexual abuse happened? Isn't it going to be very rare that there is any documentation of the sexual acts? Other than child pornography and possibly some written documentation there is not going to be proof of sexual acts toward children so why are there so many people trying to prove what can not be proven?

A while back I was speaking with a friend about this blog and how I was trying to address child sexual abuse. I spoke of my dedication over the last 20 years to address child sexual abuse with in my own family and in giving many talks over a period of 15 years about social issues that included sexual abuse. His one response was, "Prove it!" I thought about it and while I was included in child pornography when I was between 2 and 3 years old it would be very difficult if not down right impossible to prove.

Can we prove that my sexual acts throughout my life, through my teens and into my early adulthood were the result of sexual acts when I was an infant and small child? That can explain some of what I acted out on but there could be many other reasons and everything can be rationalized in many ways. That is not proof. There have been some that want to convince me and others that I am simply mentally impaired and that there was no sexual abuse at all. I am just trying to draw attention to myself is the response from people who don't want you to open up and tell their own secrets?

The man who sexually molested Margaux Fragoso, author of "Tiger,Tiger" realized that he was in fact molesting her and stopped rationalizing his asks. He could not live with himself and his actions so he committed suicide. There is not going to be an influx of people who come forward so what is the option? How can you prove what can not be proven?

If there is a systematic way to ask questions about the life of a person attracted to children in a sexual way I believe there is a chance to get to the root of the problem. If there is a way to find out what happened to the person who acts upon there attractions to children in a sexual way there is a chance you will break the pattern of sexual abuse toward children. If you reach children at an early age and teach them the words to describe their bodies so they can report anything that makes them uncomfortable you are giving a child a way to protect themselves. There is a way to communicate with children by using sign language at an early age. Do parents teach there children words to help report sexual trauma? If around puberty there were some talks given in junior high schools to explain about the statistics about child sexual abuse I believe this would put a halt to the sexual acts that some young people are thinking about.

I keep referring back to Oprah because she is a strong, wise, powerful individual in the public eye. She has done more for "community" than most in this world at this time. One of the things she always stresses is "intent". What is the intent in an action?

My intention in this action of this blog is to "PUT AN END TO CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE".

A very daunting task.

Can one person put an end to child sexual abuse? Most likely, no. Can one person have the formula to end child sexual abuse?
This is a possibility but one person may not have the power and resourced needed to complete this daunting task.

One thing Miss Winfrey likes to do is refer to a line from "The Wizard of Oz" which states, "You always had the power". In the movie it was in reference to Dorothy getting home when she was lost in Oz. Do we have the power to end child sexual abuse and if so, Why have we not used that power?

I am not going to make any friends with this next statement but that is not why I am here.

The majority of organizations trying to address child sexual abuse, while there intentions are valid and in the right place, do nothing more than "band-aid" kinds of things. The majority of sexual abusers are largely left unaddressed and the result is muti-generational abuse. The traditions of sexual abuse towards children are staggering and with the mind set of most relatives in those situations of, "Not in my family", the tradition will not slow down any time soon.

Let's stop trying to prove the unprovable and get to the root of the problem and address child sexual abuse from there!

The Three A's of Organizations Addressing Child Sexual Abuse

The Three A’s of Organizations Who are Addressing Child Sexual Abuse




Assessment

We need to assess what each organization is doing. What are the same things? What are the differences? What are the new and innovative things they are doing? What are the proceedures that you and many others are doing that are not showing any signs of progress?

Accountability

If there is no progress as to what you are doing, there needs to be a change in thought and procedure so there IS progress. If you serve no purpose and are just “spinning your wheels” people who believe in you and what your organization is doing have the right to know that they are involved in something that is essentially going no where.

Action

There needs to be action taken. There needs to be a plan at the first sign of any kind of sexual abuse to a child.

If/ when a young person (usually in their mid to late twenties) has the memories come back to them about child sexual abuse, their need to be interviews and tests as to what the person remembers. These should be done without any kind of leading or details fed to the person in question who has the memories. Further, there need to be talks/interviews with the person in question (father, boyfriend, family friend, priest or ?) if that person is still in the picture (so to speak).

Going back further, I believe there needs to be education as to the different attractions that we all feel beginning much younger. When in junior high school I believe it would be appropriate to explain about the statistics of how many are straight/ gay/ bisexual/ transgender/ etc. Furthermore there should be talk about the normalcy of each person’s attractions. This is after all just a part of nature.

I personally believe that the attraction to children in a sexual way is something that is of a nurture method as apposed to nature. This would explain why there are some who are attracted to little boys or girls of a certain age. If you look at the majority of offenders of child sexual abuse they often gravitate to a child of a certain age. I believe it is a natural assessment that they themselves were violated at that same age or they looked to be of the age that the offender is attracted to. This is all in line with the nature of things. It is a taught thing. A child often has a great deal of pleasure from the abuse they are experiencing even though they can not as children understand and deal with that “displaced pleasure”.



There needs to be a great deal more teamwork.

Each and every organization should check in with each other. There could easily be a website devoted solely to and for all of these organizations to check in with each other. Research groups could be working in a synergistic fashion in order to make a great deal more progress at actually addressing the issues and finding solutions about bringing an end to child sexual abuse.



I welcome any and all organizations to respond to this posting and challenge them to asses what they are doing. If there are any objections to this post I would equally welcome them as well. Note that I am in no way promoting myself and am not trying to get myself into any kind of limelight. The focus for me has always been and always will be the action of bringing the numbers of child molestation down and eventually bringing an end to child sexual abuse.