Saturday, January 23, 2010


I do not know the origin of the thinking of "Not in My House" as in child sexual abuse would never happen in my home. When I confided to the matriarch of my family, a very educated woman, school teacher and former religious the immediate response was, "Oh, I don't believe it!"
That was the extent of the conversation as far as she was concerned. I tried to speak to her about it for I really don't know how many months untill she just refused to speak to me at all. That was somewhere around 20 years ago. I knew a man who was heavily involved in the Catholic Church and from what he told me, "Denay Everything; Admit Nothing!" was the standard taught to all who were brides of Christ all the way up to the Pope. I think that is in part the reason I was shut out.

There were many questions for my aunt, the teacher and former nun.

"Didn't you take a vow to protect children when you were a nun?"
"Did anyone in the many years when you were a teacher come to you to confide that they had been molested by a trusted family friend or their own father?" What did you do when that happened?
"Why would your brother cry as he did if all of my memories were made up or something that I read somewhere? (I was told that I must have read all about different cases about child sexual abuse and just pinned my father to the story.)
What would all the people who looked up to you and revered you think if they found out that you would choose to protect a pedophile while turning your back on a survivor of child sexual abuse?
Why choose ignorance? A teacher who chose ignorance to me was the lowest thing a teacher, or former teacher could do. So....Why do people choose ignorance? I think it is much easier than the alternative.

The aunt in question went into the convent when she was 12 years old. She was following her sister who was 13 years old. The 13 year old felt she had a calling. I certainly was not around then but I have often wondered if there might have been some sexual abuse going on in the family way back then. The aunt in question was a nun for 20 years before finding the courage to leave. It was very frowned upon to leave the convent and I have heard some horrible stories from two different women the how cruel a number of the older nuns were. I was happy for her to find that courage but disappointed that she coward when I needed her most of all. I at one time had a very wonderful relationship with her and she is one of the reasons that I in fact survived my childhood. That is why it hurt all the more when one of the most supportive women I knew turned her back on me. To me it's shocking to this day.

How do we help people find the courage to support both the pedophile and the survivor?

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