Mutual Dissociation

Dissociation (in the wide sense of the word) is an act of disuniting or separating a complex object into parts.

This is the definition from Wikipedia.

I was thinking of this word and how throughout my own journey of recovery of incest and child sexual abuse that this is what is happening with my relatives. The law of "equal and opposite" applies here and it only makes sense. Who are the people who will be there for my relatives? I mean that sincerely. The real question is do they realize they are in this kind of situation? They do not. They believe that I have some kind of mental impairment.

There is an amazing show on television right now. It is called "The Big Bang Theory". One character, Sheldon, has an ongoing catch phrase. "I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested!" I love the show and I love that line! I want it to apply to me. I want to be tested. I want to know if there are brain scans to detect trauma to the body and if they can pin point at what age the person was when the trauma occurred. I believe that if there was a way to detect such things that it would match up to the detailed description of my own personal story of infancy and childhood.

There is a little nitch that families have for every person in their family. It's not that it's really black and white, it's much more complicated than that. When a person is violated at such a young age they, I did anyway, followed what the majority of young people did in order to blend in. I found that I was not like the other children. I did not know why. I buried each violation right away. Everyone saw me blending in. Some may have suspected that something was amiss but back then, child sexual abuse was rarely spoken of and was much more "in the closet". When I realized in my mid twenties why I was so different I started back on a long journey of really knowing who I was and who I have grown into being. I busted out of that little nitch that so many saw me in. From that young age everyone projects what you will grow into being. The thought that I would grow into being a survivor of incest and child sexual abuse was certainly Not What Anyone Expected or will ever accept.

Or will ever accept. I think that is how my mother will be. Most people see my mother and blame me for her broken heart. My fathers actions and it is my fault with the chain of events!

It is a hard pill to swallow but it is explained in the Gnostic Tradition that even though there may not be justice, when we get to the other side, Heaven, there Will be Justice.

Until there is some kind of communication to have an open discussion, I would think a moderator is in line, there will be two factions who keep fighting and pushing at each other. Each time I send out an olive branch it appears that it is chewed up and spit back at me.

*Brain Storm

I will let you know.