Questions for a Nonsupporting Family

1.In the event that someone in my family remembers child sexual abuse I will…

a.Refuse to believe it and dismiss the person who has memories of child sexual abuse.
b.Support all parties involved in this national epidemic.
c.Educate myself before I make any judgment, before making any decisions.
d.Choose ignorance.
e.Explain on back of page in free form answer if no answer applies to you.

2.My knowledge of incest and child sexual abuse is…

a.I have no knowledge of this national epidemic.
b.I only know about what is in the news and the internet and churches.
c.I do not read such articles, I choose ignorance.
d.Explain on back of page in free form answer if no answer applies to you.

3.What are your views on eliminating the statute of limitations regarding child sexual abuse?

a.There is no statute of limitations for a child who survives child sexual abuse so I believe it should be eliminated.
b.Ten years is a long enough time to take action when investigating child sexual abuse regardless if the person in question is supported or not.
c.When sorting out the ever increasing memories and trying to put them all together there needs to be a longer time.
d.I choose ignorance.
e.Explain on back of page if no answer applies to you.

4.Knowing that child sexual abuse is more about control than anything else I remember that…..

a.My father was a very controlling person.
b.My grandfather was a very controlling person.
c.My uncle was a very controlling person.
d.Controlling men were on my Mothers/Fathers side.  (circle paternal choice when applicable)
e.I choose ignorance.
f.Explain on back of page if no answer applies to you.

5.The reason I do not support the person in my family who has had memories of child sexual abuse is that…

a.My relationship with the man/men the family member remembers is strong and I will not rock that relationship.
b.I never bonded with the person in question and was always told that he/she had a mental impairment.
c.It is a depressing subject and I am too busy to deal with all this.
d.To not support this person is the easiest thing to do.
e.I choose ignorance.
f.Explain on back of page if no answer applies to you.



*I asked my sister many months ago if she would be interviewed by me for this blog.  She said, "No thanks"  I still thought it would be interesting to type out a few questions.  Maybe I will sent this out to a few family members.   If you yourself are experiencing abandonment issues you might choose to use this as a template for your own questions for your family or friends.  If you like print these off and discuss them with your therapist.  Add to the questions and share them here if you like.  Continue to keep the conversation going!  And thank you for checking in.

The Selfish Act of Choosing as Much as I Have

As a Gnostic Christian I believe I have chosen all that I have and am experiencing.  That being said I have been thinking how selfish I have been with all I chose.   Let me explain.  I believe I chose a great deal because I have memories of  the other side and my observing this planet I believe there are a great many aspects of humanity that move at a  s n a l e s  p a c e.   I chose a great deal.  There were many souls on the other side who tried to talk me out of taking on so much in this incarnation but I forged ahead.  Because of this there were some aspects of this life that were made more difficult.  Some of the details of my life will not be made public at this time as some aspects are really too shocking and need to be done with the utmost care and professional supervision.

One thing I did not take into complete consideration is how emotionally this would effect others.

I was given permission from my father/molester to speak about his abuses when he told me to "speak up" and "have some self respect" during a period of my life where because of the sexual molestation I could not speak in more than a whisper.  In turn he has played the hurt parent "for no apparent reason" who cried for weeks and I am blamed for all his pain.  I also am blamed for breaking my mothers heart.

That is of course a very hurtful thing to live with.  I always think of the saying, "To live is to learn, to die is to know".   I believe it is an Eastern Asian Philosophy.  I Love the Message and believe it.   At this point I do not believe it will be possible to speak with my parents.  There is too much of my life I would be forced to deny and I can not pretend I had any semblance of a relationship with my parents or my siblings.  I do have and will continue to have some relationship with my cousins and Aunts and Uncles.  I have sent out dozens of letters and emails to many relatives on the paternal side of my relation and I have received three responses.  A cousin on my mothers side wrote and told me how proud she was of me.  An uncle, my mothers brother wrote and said "I hope this is healing for you."
An aunt, my fathers sister, a former Catholic Nun, wrote and ignored the entire letter writing of only.........Sunshine, lollypops and Rainbows Everywhere..........!

I am always reminded of the unwritten motto of the Catholics.....

Deny Everything, Admit Nothing!


Getting back to the original message........I am mostly sad about how deeply my mother has been hurt.
I know what it is to experience a broken heart as it happened to me when I was 17 years old....or there about...........I was in my parents kitchen with my mother and the lower left part of my heart felt as if it were shifting....the the left..........it locked into place and there was a sharp jolt of pain.  I had experienced a broken heart.  I was not around when my mother experienced her broken heart, I only know that it was attributed to me.  I had heart pains my whole life and it was attributed to a mental impairment.  My mother has heart pains and I am the fault.  "Oh for pity sake" is what I heard"  as a young child when I had survived a near death experience after gang rape.  I know if/when they know the truth  they would/ will be mortified.

I have told a version of the following related story.....my apologies for those who have seen this before.

I have a friend who became pregnant in her junior year in high school.  Being Catholic, she did not believe in abortion.  She gave the child up for adoption.  She did write a long letter to the infant who would get the letter when he was 18 years old.  With that letter would be a way to connect with his berth mother, my friend.  When that time came she was hurt as he decided to not respond.

How horrible it was for my mother to experience a broken heart.  I think back and so many times she was the only one who really stood by me during it all.   How horrible it was for me to have a broken heart as a young teenager as I rarely felt love while living with the people who were trying to give you love.  All accept my father who is a Gemini and always lived a double life.

To live is to learn, to die is to know.

I do feel sad that my mother has been hurt but in a spiritual sense I believe that my father will some day be accountable for is actions.   If not on this plain, on the other side.

If I do not reconnect with my mother before her passing, I pray it is a peaceful crossing over.