A Craigslist Posting for Social Gatherings, Support and Brainstorming

Hello, I am a survivor of incest and child sexual abuse. I am looking to connect with others who are survivors. I would like to form a safe supportive group that would involve survivors, family and friends of survivors, professional therapists and possibly lawyers. 

I would like to have regular social gatherings as well as people who would brainstorm about proceeders used now to address the issues of child sexual abuse. I also want lawyers to be involved to help look at laws present on the books now and see what changes need to happen to actually bring about more change to those laws to balance the "playing field" and bring more power to survivors. 

I am not a professional in dealing with child sexual abuse but I did 15 years of public speaking about social justice issues and more safety for children regarding child sexual abuse. I also have been writing a blog for the last 4 years. The blog has had some success. I usually have at least 150 hits a month. Total "hits" for my blog are over 8,000. 

I will be posting this in my blog and Facebook page as well. If you see this and believe it would benefit a person you know please forward this to that person or organization. 

The purpose for this is for healing. I have seen survivors groups around the twin cities but most are women only. I was involved in one small group that was through the organization NIP out of South Minneapolis but that was short lived and not very in depth. I believe many fall through the cracks and many like myself are abandoned by their families. This is my first attempt for a gathering of this kind. 

Crossing my Love of Taxidermy with how I feel about my Dear Old Dad

This is a "stock photo" from the internet with no relation to the dark humor presented with the title of this sweet little post!  I also do Not Love Taxidermy and have never hunted.

*I also repeat, Never Take the Law into your own hands.   Just get by by using dark humor!  

Private Chat on Facebook with a Male Cousin

Me: Hey Cousin,  How are you?  Just wondering if you could get me Doris's address.  Thanks.










[Doris was an Aunt]

Cousin: 
Hi! Things are well. How about for you? 
About Doris though, she passed away a few years ago.











Me: 
I am in (Mid-West City) and am about to begin marketing my art work……other than that I am working to make a living….. but I do have 3 day weekends at this point so that is good……    I asked about Doris as I must have seen her Double a few days ago.  There was a beautiful well dressed woman whom I could have Sworn was Doris.  As I am not on the best of terms with many (Paternal Family) right now……. I did not cross that path.  But………  This woman looked exactly like Doris.











Cousin: 
Best of luck with your artwork. What mediums do you use? I'm certainly no artist, but I enjoyed art so much in college that I have a great appreciation for those with such gifts.
Yes, I'm aware of your falling out with your family. That isn't something I can relate to . . . And I'm blessed to have my family. I'm sure its a difficult situation for you and your family both. I'll pray for you and them both.










December 8, 2014

Me: As for the "falling out"…..there was not a falling out……there was incest for 10 years from my father…he also involved me in child porn…….then there was the time I was gang raped by mouth on the paternal farm in  Bloomer, WI. where I had a near death experience and had oral gonnoreah as a parting gift….there were also a few priests….and other various molestation I survived……  and the only way I can be a part of most of the [paternal family] lives is if I pretend it didn't happen.  I spoke publicly for 15 years about this and I have a blog I have written in for the last almost 3 years.  It's all about abandonment from the [paternal family]………They are not my favorite people.   It would be interesting to hear what if any details you have heard.  Mostly I thing there is the ongoing lie that I have mental impairments.











Cousin: 
I apologize for stating it as a "falling out." That probably appeared to be making light of the whole ordeal,  but please know that from my perspective I only saw my cousin no longer speaking to his family and his family no longer speaking to their son. 
I haven't heard any details. From my perspective my mother was the only of that side of the family with any, albeit minimal, contact. 
The events that you describe are terrible,  and I don't want to make light of it. 
It would be ok to speak about your family, but maybe not write about it. We could get coffee over Christmas if you like . . . But don't feel obligated.












Me: 
No apology needed.  Coffee over Christmas would be great.










Seen Dec 8

*I copied and pasted this conversation with my cousin from Facebook.  There was one part of the conversation that upon re-reading did not make it here.  When I explained to this cousin I had done 15 years of public speaking about social justice and incest survival my cousin thought that was good but my cousin objected when I told him I was also writing a blog for almost 4 years.  It is unfortunate that there are generations of hiding pedophiles.  I should not judge but I am saddened that it looks as if my paternal side of the family were in charge of dealing with pedophile priests, they would most likely just
relocate them as the Catholic Church did for years.  

*I did not see my cousin on Facebook during the Christmas Holiday and there was no communication from him to have the coffee.  I still enjoyed coffee and was grateful!

I hope you all had a Joyous Holiday and Celebrated the Birth of Christ.

HGTV Analogy

I watch a great deal of HGTV.  The Property Brothers and Income Property are two of the favorites.

When these brothers find and restore a house to make it a Home they have to investigate the foundation, check the plumbing, the electrical works, Take Down Walls…….The list is sometimes a complete Gut Job.

When someone is finding out who they really are during the healing process after the realization and the acceptance of incest and child sexual abuse they have to do much the same thing.   A person has to find out about their foundation, their physical and mental health…how they are wired, they have to Take Down Walls…..

Many years ago I was renting a basement one bedroom apartment.  It was in an old building with great woodwork tall ceilings and a nice galley kitchen.   The bathroom floor was rotting away and the tiles were coming up.  I asked the building engineer to take a look at it and please do something about it.
He took a look and said, "I'll take up the loose tiles and put a rug down.  I protested and explained the rotting floor is still going to be there and needed to be addressed.  He brought in some people who took the floor away down to the dirt and some very large square beams the building was built on.  He replaced all the wood and it had a safe foundation and was dry once again.

The point is; you can't just gloss over a problem.  You have to address it head on.  I am doing the right thing by moving on from people who just want to gloss over and pretend nothing happened.

It's almost as if the building could be "The Family" and we are all interconnected and if you rip away parts of that house the entire family will feel the pain.  I have already gone through most of the most difficult pain while experiencing the molestation and when I was experiencing that my "Family" was experiencing a great deal of frustration.  Now I am feeling the frustration and the Family refuses to go through the pain and growth part by refusing any and all attempts I make to be a part of the group.   And refusing to believe anything happened at all.  Passive Aggressive is not an adult way to respond to incest and child sexual abuse.

It will hurt but the healthiest way to address the ever growing Cancer known as Incest and Child Sexual Abuse is to work on the foundation and repair all the things broken that are not seen.

http://sworddancewarrior.wordpress.com

MAY WE DANCE ON THEIR GRAVES

I have just come across this blog and I am in love with this woman already!  Just because it looks like
we both like dark humor.  I can picture her standing with a sweet smile saying the above title!

I will be delving into more of this site very soon.  It looks like a great deal of wonderfully helpful
advice with a great deal of common sense (which I Love).


http://sworddancewarrior.wordpress.com

A Conversation With a Friend about Life, Keep The Faith

I was speaking with a friend of 23 years about life and what we have and have not accomplished.
This friend has been feeling that they have not accomplished all that they set out to.  My friend told
me about a similar conversation with another friend who stated that sometimes you can not accomplish
much until you clear the table.  Clearing the table referred to wiping away all the misinformation that
we have been wrongfully taught.  Some people just have more to clear away.

I agree with this assessment completely.  I also want to ad to this that some people such as myself have
to also put all the pieces together from our shattered childhoods.

It is spoken of a great deal in the Gnostic Tradition that we don't have to accomplish great things, we just need to keep moving forward.  We are in fact doing some pretty amazing things just for living in
and surviving such a negative place as the school we call Earth.

Clear away your table in your space and time and Keep the Faith.  Put your puzzle together in your own space and time.  And Keep The Faith.

DARK HUMOR - Twas The Night Before Christmas (Santa Was A Pedophile)

Twas the night before Christmas and all thro’ the house, 

There was one creature stirring, it wasn’t the mouse;

His stocking was hung in my face with such dare,

In hopes that his dickolas would soon be “down there”;

My siblings were nestled all snug in there beds, 

While I gave that damn ass hole some wonderful head, 

And Mama in her ‘kerchief, and my diaper full of crap,

If I did not a good job, “Santa” gave me a slap’

He had just settled into a nice rhythmic fuck, 

I soon had the feeling, I’m fresh out of luck. 

When out in the hall there rose such a clatter, 

My mother came in to see what was the matter. 

Away under the bus I flew in a flash, 

Tossed me under the tire, then made a mad dash. 

The moon on my face with his milky white snow, 

At the corners of my mouth, no suspicion arose?  

When what do my wondering ears they do hear,

A little “white lie” and a suggestion of more beer.

That little old driver, an asshole so quick,

I knew I was stuck with this horrible prick. 

More rapid than eagles his lies when they came, 

And he whistled and shouted and called them by name, 

Now dash here, now dance here, now prance here you vixen, 

On Trusting, on Believing at Once you poor victim.

To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! 

Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

As dry heaves from the assault, the wild hurricane did fly, 

When they met with an obstacle, mounted to “that guy”,

So up to the house-top the course that he flew, 

To control all of the aspects of live that was below.

Then to my deep dismay that I saw from this land,

The wanting and yearning of many small hands,

As he held my small head, my head spinning around, 

Down my throat did st. Dick, he had cum with a bound:

Then he dressed and changed my diaper then kissed my small foot,

And his big smile was tainted, that ass hole’s a coot, 

A bundle of lies he had flung on my back:

His eyes how they squinted and dared me to speak,

His cheeks were  were so rosy, the liquor did reek;

His droll little mouth had a nasty smirked smile, 

And the acts he inflicted made me throw up some bile.

The stump of his pipe he held down past my teeth,

And the stroke of his dick held my head in the wreath.

He had a broad face, and a little round belly, 

That shook when he fuck, my face like it’s jelly:

He was controlling and a grump a wright he gave to himself, 

And I cried when I saw him, I had no “myself”,

A squint of his eye and a punch to my head

Soon gave me the knowledge there’s so much to dread.

He spoke not one word, he went straight to his “work”,

He drained my poor childhood, turned on me; such a jerk.

And laying his middle finger upon me he chose, 

To give the world his warped view and came smelling like a rose. 

He sprung to his family, to his team he gave a whistle, 

And away they all flew, I had to swallow another thistle:

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight;

My sons under the left tire, and to all a a good night. 

It is near the Holiday Season and I thought I would repost this.  Such dark humor.  Sorry if you are offended but this type

of dark humor helps me get through life.  Who else but a survivor of darkness could write such horrible things?!?  ;-)