We Are The Best Of All The Best People We Know

Einstein's definition of crazy was, "Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result".

I recently "came out" to my mothers sister as an incest and child sexual abuse survivor.  No doubt she is still in shock and I am not sure if she will respond to my disclosure.  Meanwhile on the other fence is my fathers sister the former sister.

The last time I tried to address our part of this epidemic (and this WILL be the last time) with the sister/sister she as always brushed me to the side.  She is as polite as can be and sweet as candy and side steps you with stelth-like cleverness.   In her letter she suggested that I send a card or letter to my parents.   Hmmmmmm......Why Yes, that's a wonderful idea!  I should send yet another letter that they will not answer!   *Please refer to the first sentence of this blog post.

To my aunt the former nun, I wrote a note on Facebook saying that long after she is dead I will be there for the family if I ever hear that they are addressing this issue.

This is a woman who really helped me survive her own brother and it really makes me sad that it kind of makes me lose respect for her.  It kind of feels like a hero has died.    It's ok that super hero's die.  Keep their actions of years ago in your heart and cherish them.  I always like to think that we are or try to be the best of each person we come in contact with.  I am going to hold on the the best I can from this woman.  The woman who is there is still my aunt and I love her.   I have no idea of knowing but she may have her own demons to deal with.


In thinking back to the many documentaries I have seen one of the first that left a lasting impression was

Girl 27.  

A young girl of 17 is brutally raped and it affects her life forever.  A completely tormented soul.   The rape had completely taken over her existence.    She found some resolution late in life.

Searching for Angela Shelton.

She tries many times to speak with her father about the sexual abuses she survived.  He never speaks to her and she in turn goes ballistic with frustration.   She finds her brother is more forthcoming about his less involvement.    At one point she gets a "Cease and Desist" court order.

Today I went to http://angelashelton.com/ and found some wonderful words to heal by.   I highly encourage you to check her out!  I have to go there more often as I think she is out to make you smile.
From what I have seen she is kind of silly and very light hearted!  I mean "silly" in a very good way.

Incest a Family Tragedy

This was much more in-depth about many cases and a strategic way of addressing the issue at the core.
I think that this was one of the better documentaries.  I have stated this before, but I think the beginning was kind of slow but in a way, I absolutely feel that that is what addressing this epidemic is really like!


All in all, if you look at the ages of all of the survivors in these documentaries it appears that their are more and better resources in dealing with the traumas surrounding incest and child sexual abuse, so
in that respect, that is something to cheer about!

And remember, We Are The Best Of All The Best People We Know.......and of course the art we view, and the books we read and adventures in life we challenge ourselves by and.......

A Welcome Influx Of Views To This Blog

It took about 2 years to reach 600 views of my blog as seen on the counter.  I do not have a way of knowing how many people that really is as I do not know how many people have looked at this blog 2 or more times.  What I do know is that it is rather exciting to see that in around 4 days it looks as if there have been around 75 "hits".   I do appreciate when anyone takes a look at my blog.   I really just want to reach out and try to have an open discussion and to brainstorm about new ideas about how to actually bring the numbers down of cases of child sexual abuse.  

I have been reading every incest biography I can find.  The latest is "Love Affair" by Leslie Kenton.   Her father was Stan Kenton a well known person in the jazz world.  I have always read biographies but mostly of celebrities.  As I have delved more into this blog and a Facebook page of the same name I have found myself drawn to these stories and have taken them in as kind of my extended family.   A family of survivors.  I do not like to use the word "victim".  I am NOT a victim.  I am a Survivor!

I have also always loved documentaries.  Many different subjects.  I am always looking for a good documentary about child sexual abuse.  I want to see what direction they are going in.   I was pretty disappointed with the Lisa Ling show about pedophiles.  The documentary I thought was worth a look
is "Incest, A Family Tragedy".   To be honest, the very beginning is kind of slow, but it has some very compelling ideas about really addressing the issues and finding answers.  It is a available on Google Play, a relatively new feature.  You rent many kinds of movies and games.  The rental price on this documentary is $3.99.


If you want to reach me you can email me at:  addresschildsexualabuse@yahoo.com.

I was involved in public speaking for 15 years and have answered any and all questions you could think of.    If you are from my home town or just north and you are yourself a survivor of child sexual abuse, I hope that you have the support you need.  Please contact me if you need support or help getting the support.  I will do what I can.

Thank you all for checking in.  

Continuing To Reach Out To Family/Relatives

I have been in communication with two of my aunts on Facebook. One aunt from my mothers side, one from my fathers side of the family. I contacted both aunts and asked them to please ask my parents if they would like anything more to do with me. They have refused to answer any letter, phone call that I have made to them. It is classic passive aggressive. Since I did not really bond with either of them due to the sexual abuse in their house the passive aggressive route is not going to work with me. The aunt from my maternal side said she would ask. The aunt from my paternal side told me she would send me a long letter snail mail. The aunt on my paternal side was a nun for 20 years and was known as the wise matriarch of the family. She was a teacher for years and was very well respected. She also has refused to speak to me at all about this. I wrote about her in a very early post on the blog of the same name. I immediately wrote a private note back to this "once matriarch" and told her NO.....do not continue to placate me. Lets all put on our adult hats and make an adult decision. I told her I would travel to her part of the country and speak with ANY REPUTABLE therapist on whether I am mentally impaired or if I am a survivor of child sexual abuse. She did not respond to my last note. Knowing her she will send the snail mail and explain to me that she loves me but she can not support me. She will most likely repeat herself and I will continue to have less and less respect for her. I have 30 first cousins on each side of my family/relation. I can not tell you how many of them really hate me. It was a real shock to realize that when it first happened. I am a really nice person. I really am. I am sure that the people that hate me have no idea the inherent cruelty of their actions. I was always taught to feel empathy towards people who just don't understand a situation (for whatever number of reasons). I can not judge them as I am not in their shoes. There are just some things that are not forgivable. Lying to me or about me is one of those things. Tossing me under the bus and having almost an entire relation to turn their backs on me is another thing. Blaming me for breaking my mothers heart is an abomination. I know what it's like to have a broken heart. It happened when I was an infant and young child. I have stated it many times, but it needs repeating. The survivors of child sexual abuse outnumber the pedophiles, but we are outnumbered by the many who absolutely will not address the issue within their own family and will let their beloved brother or (insert your own suitable noun) come off as the poor wounded soul who was treated so horribly by the son/daughter. This is all because I dared to confronted my molester! To make one last comment about this post title, in my definition, family is a person who is a part of your life. A relative is someone you are related to. I have very few relatives who have chosen to be part of my life. If there is a person who is out there in the same situation, find friends who can Be your family. Do what you can to speak with a good therapist as far as the really big baggage. I try not to unload on friends with all that. Yes there are times when you can be there for each other yes, but go through the process of addressing the really heavy stuff with a trained person who knows what is needed to "weed your garden" and help you grow into the wonderful person you are meant to be!

A Message to My Pedophile

To my pedophile who took my childhood away.

Mutual Dissociation

Dissociation (in the wide sense of the word) is an act of disuniting or separating a complex object into parts.

This is the definition from Wikipedia.

I was thinking of this word and how throughout my own journey of recovery of incest and child sexual abuse that this is what is happening with my relatives. The law of "equal and opposite" applies here and it only makes sense. Who are the people who will be there for my relatives? I mean that sincerely. The real question is do they realize they are in this kind of situation? They do not. They believe that I have some kind of mental impairment.

There is an amazing show on television right now. It is called "The Big Bang Theory". One character, Sheldon, has an ongoing catch phrase. "I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested!" I love the show and I love that line! I want it to apply to me. I want to be tested. I want to know if there are brain scans to detect trauma to the body and if they can pin point at what age the person was when the trauma occurred. I believe that if there was a way to detect such things that it would match up to the detailed description of my own personal story of infancy and childhood.

There is a little nitch that families have for every person in their family. It's not that it's really black and white, it's much more complicated than that. When a person is violated at such a young age they, I did anyway, followed what the majority of young people did in order to blend in. I found that I was not like the other children. I did not know why. I buried each violation right away. Everyone saw me blending in. Some may have suspected that something was amiss but back then, child sexual abuse was rarely spoken of and was much more "in the closet". When I realized in my mid twenties why I was so different I started back on a long journey of really knowing who I was and who I have grown into being. I busted out of that little nitch that so many saw me in. From that young age everyone projects what you will grow into being. The thought that I would grow into being a survivor of incest and child sexual abuse was certainly Not What Anyone Expected or will ever accept.

Or will ever accept. I think that is how my mother will be. Most people see my mother and blame me for her broken heart. My fathers actions and it is my fault with the chain of events!

It is a hard pill to swallow but it is explained in the Gnostic Tradition that even though there may not be justice, when we get to the other side, Heaven, there Will be Justice.

Until there is some kind of communication to have an open discussion, I would think a moderator is in line, there will be two factions who keep fighting and pushing at each other. Each time I send out an olive branch it appears that it is chewed up and spit back at me.

*Brain Storm

I will let you know.

Family Photo With Mother Under Drape

I know nothing about this photo other then that someone collected a series of these type of pictures. They were called "Hidden Mothers". I got to thinking, what if she is someone who just wanted to disappear? This is a common trait with people who have been sexually molested. If that is the case, what happened to the children in the picture? Did the family tradition continue?

Gnostics Unite

In the Gnostic tradition we believe that we choose our path. We choose every last detail of our chart of life and if we go through a rough time we know that for some reason we have taken part in the choices. There are "best case scenarios" and some times you find yourself in "the worst case scenarios" kind of like what I am involved in now. I do not believe that it is important to share any of the details here as I do not want to bore you! I sometimes vent to God and I am sure they, He and She can handle it. It is not a sin. They love you Unconditionally.

I am not very savvy about the law, but I am venturing out. I have recently gone to a law library. I felt rather intimidated but I began to feel more brave as well. It was liberating. I looked up "incest" in the computer catalogue just to see what I would find.

I found a booklet about state by state laws regarding incest. I found it all kind of stupid. I mean to say that while a certain act in criminal in one state and not in another? I just do not understand that. As I search out and explore more about the law, I am sure to come across some kind of expert whom I can ask in person. I can not wait to find out what an expert will say! I am smiling to myself thinking they might just say, "It's just a STUPID LAW!"

At what point will the government step in in the case of an epidemic? Why can we not just pass a law about, "The truth between two people". I have often heard about the law that you are not forced to testify against yourself. It kind of seems to stop dead in its tracks the simple act of following one of the 10 commandments.

I have heard that that it is difficult to prove abandonment.

In the Gnostic faith we believe that we can not "blame" anyone for anything as everything we experience is what we have chosen to experience. We can not "blame" them but we can say I "attribute" this to ****** * ************. I attribute my sexual molestation to the person who inflicted them upon me. My birth father. A man who has a great deal of power over his family, my relatives.

I do not know the statistics of how many families claim that the person who comes forward to try to address child sexual abuse is mentally impaired. That is the case with me. The part where my family/relation are clever/cruel is that they do not answer a direct question. "Do you think I am mentally impaired?" If there was a public statement made to that affect I would think there would be a way to take someone to court, such as my father/molester and we would take all the relevant tests to show if someone is lying and if someone is mentally impaired. The truth between two people.

How many Gnostics have been tossed under the bus? What if we all gathered to together to file a lawsuit against our families about abandonment? I heard Oprah (no last name needed) recently asked people to stop hiding child molesters within their own families. I have written her a few emails about this very issue. With the tone of some of my emails I think they refer to me as "Angry Guy". But if you are not angry, you are not paying attention.

Gnostics who have been tossed under the bus, think about uniting. Thanks.