A Letter To My Mother (A Letter Not Sent)

Dear ******, 

Uncle Joe called me awhile back and we had a nice chat.  In that chat he told me you had fallen.  I am sure that can be scary and I hope you are OK.  

I do not know how many more letters I will write if I do not hear from you or others in Wisconsin.  

I do not fore see me begging you to come back into my life for the simple pleasure of editing out 99% of it.  

If this (lack of a relationship/passive aggressiveness) continues as it has I want to tell you the I remember many nice things  you did for me.  I know you have been very kind to me but many times those kindnesses did not bring emotions as my emotions were for the most part shut down due to trauma.  

It saddens me that you are caught in the residual effects of all that I have chosen to experience in this lifetime.  

I am sorry that you blame me for your pain and that you think that I broke your heart. 

My heart was broken long before yours and it was brushed aside and deemed that I had  mental impairment, that “I was thinking wrong”.  I do not have mental impairment and I was Never thinking wrong.    I have survival skills. 

There was emotional damage for the many times that "Thinking Wrong" was drummed into my head.  

One thing I am grateful to you is that you taught me to have empathy for the people who "Don't get it".  Unfortunately you are the one I have empathy for as you are that person.   I do not mean that in any derogatory way......it's just the way it is. 
You have a mind set and you will not budge as to what you believe.  I can not change that.  You continue to lay down the law and end the conversation.  I am sad you will not take the most adult approach and meet me half way.  On equal terms.   I love you.   



(a letter not finished, a letter not sent)