If it is a prison sentence without bars, [surviving child sexual abuse] I know I have chosen it as I am a Gnostic Christian.
There are so many flip-flopping parallels in my life story. When I was very young morning the loss of my childhood I was forced to stop crying, as I apparently had nothing to cry about.
When I remembered what I was trying to cry about I confronted my father/pedophile about all the sexual activity he involved me in and it made him cry uncontrollably for a long time. I am deemed the bad seed and banished. Siblings will not friend me on Face book, some cousins are the same. Siblings will not answer emails and the family Matriarch placates, pacifies and dismisses anything about her brother sexually molesting his own child.
As of late my mother will not answer any of the letters or phone calls I have made to her. I have written her and called and visited over a period of 5 years. It is passive aggressiveness at it's best. I have said it before and I will say it again, Passive Aggressive is the new Bully.
Because I did not bond with my family because of dealing with all the sexual activity being thrust upon me, while I do have the need for family, I doubt it will ever be with the relatives who now refuse to answer any and all forms of communication I have tried thus far. I refuse to play the game.
It always comes down to the debate of, it's either child sexual abuse or mental impairment.
As I have stated before, I will agree to any and all testing to prove I am sane. Would my father/pedophile agree to the same? Chances are No, he would not.
SO.........The judge and jury in my case have already decided. I was not present for the trial. I did not have my say. They in turn did not say anything to me at all. They just, "Talked amongst themselves".
Many years ago my parents taught me to feel empathy for people who are "not all there" as they would say. There are people who had limitations in what they could decide and what they would say. What they said didn't always make sense. We must pray for them and feel sad for them. My parents think this way about me and I am forced to feel this way about my parents and all the people who are lied to about my mental capacity. But guess what..... Actions that I have been involved with and the fact my parents chose to put me in the psych ward at the hospital in my home town "prove" that I need to be there in the first place!
But if there were a graph from the testimony of all the people who witnessed me acting up and acting strangely and if you put it up against the details of all the sexual abuse I survived, it would be a perfect match.
I chose a prison without bars. I only hope my spirituality holds out. I have every belief that it will.
Peace.
There are so many flip-flopping parallels in my life story. When I was very young morning the loss of my childhood I was forced to stop crying, as I apparently had nothing to cry about.
When I remembered what I was trying to cry about I confronted my father/pedophile about all the sexual activity he involved me in and it made him cry uncontrollably for a long time. I am deemed the bad seed and banished. Siblings will not friend me on Face book, some cousins are the same. Siblings will not answer emails and the family Matriarch placates, pacifies and dismisses anything about her brother sexually molesting his own child.
As of late my mother will not answer any of the letters or phone calls I have made to her. I have written her and called and visited over a period of 5 years. It is passive aggressiveness at it's best. I have said it before and I will say it again, Passive Aggressive is the new Bully.
Because I did not bond with my family because of dealing with all the sexual activity being thrust upon me, while I do have the need for family, I doubt it will ever be with the relatives who now refuse to answer any and all forms of communication I have tried thus far. I refuse to play the game.
It always comes down to the debate of, it's either child sexual abuse or mental impairment.
As I have stated before, I will agree to any and all testing to prove I am sane. Would my father/pedophile agree to the same? Chances are No, he would not.
SO.........The judge and jury in my case have already decided. I was not present for the trial. I did not have my say. They in turn did not say anything to me at all. They just, "Talked amongst themselves".
Many years ago my parents taught me to feel empathy for people who are "not all there" as they would say. There are people who had limitations in what they could decide and what they would say. What they said didn't always make sense. We must pray for them and feel sad for them. My parents think this way about me and I am forced to feel this way about my parents and all the people who are lied to about my mental capacity. But guess what..... Actions that I have been involved with and the fact my parents chose to put me in the psych ward at the hospital in my home town "prove" that I need to be there in the first place!
But if there were a graph from the testimony of all the people who witnessed me acting up and acting strangely and if you put it up against the details of all the sexual abuse I survived, it would be a perfect match.
I chose a prison without bars. I only hope my spirituality holds out. I have every belief that it will.
Peace.
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