I have recently been thinking of how my father/molester told me I broke my mothers heart. There was a long separation between us. Almost 20 years. That happened because I could not get support for some volunteer work I was involved with. The only thing my relation wanted to hear about was the weather my work and my social life as far as movies concerts a walk in the park. Not the most open to a "rainbow lifestyle". Oh well. Move on. I was pretty much burning out and I told them if I could not get support I would just contact them when my volunteer project was over. It took longer than expected. I contacted my parents after the project ended. Shortly after that both my parents had strokes. I went to my home town for the first time in 20 years to see my mother at a rehabilitation hospital. She didn't like the food and gave the staff a few recipes for casseroles. I was rather shocked at her appearance when I first saw her. She was much older than I thought she would appear. She looked angry and tired. She told me in detail what happened with the details of her stroke with each step of the morning it happened. The alarm clock, the morning rituals, including the coffee in the kitchen where she had the stroke. I did not visit when my father/molester had his stroke I don't know how many months prior. My mother offered to have me stay in the spare room in their basement. I declined. I also declined to speak with my father/molester. I have been waiting for 20 years for him to answer a letter I wrote to him. I drove home and continued my life. I continued to write as well. I believe that was 3 or 4 letters ago. Now I am dealing with passive aggressiveness. I want to send her a card with a little boy speaking with his mother.....a Christmas Card that would read, "Mom, am I a son-of-a-Bitch"?!? How bout a card asking if she would like a new saddle or a tall ladder to get off her "High Horse"!!!! Maybe I could find one of those record your own cards and include a poem about "M" is for the many times...... I could open up a can of nastiness that would even shock me when I re-read it many months later. But that would only be continuing the back and forth volleying of hate and vengefulness. Getting back at someone who hurt you. Step back and ask yourself where did this begin? Did it begin with me? (I speak as a survivor of child sexual abuse) Did it begin with the survivor of child sexual abuse? It could not have! Logic dictates that what ever a person is reacting from happened to them first. There is acception to that rule as some people act differently after a major car accident with a brain injury. I do not know the variables regarding that situation.
I looked up "stages of heartbreak" and came to a site that explained perfectly what I believe. I was thinking of my mother and what she had gone through. This is what I found.
http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak_progress
The Physical Pain
Anyone who's ever gone through the emotional pain of a heartbreak more often than not can express the experience through the form of some type of physical pain. Emotions affect physical health in more ways than many realize, but how does the body physically feel the emotional loss; in other words, what is it that brings pain to the heartbreak?
"Pain is the way the mind responds to trouble inside the body," says Alex Zautra, a professor of psychology at Arizona State University. "Emotion is the same way. Whether you feel love or sadness is also a response to something you feel outside the body. With pain it is a closer-in response, to something inside the body, but it is a response in an attempt to learn about and motivate recovery."
The depression caused by heartbreak creates a barrier that can prevent us from feeling and experiencing life to the fullest, in all aspects. Symptoms vary byindividual and range from withdrawal from society to
physical sickness and pain. You lose a part of yourself when connections are lost, and its not far-fetched to say that you feel completely empty inside. There's an ache, a deep ache that erupts from the inside of our bodies longing for the past. The pain is real and there's no other way to describe how bad it really hurts than to name it heartbreak. Its a longing for the past and the pain of feeling completely empty and abandoned. It makes it hard to get up in the morning and to get through the day, but all wounds are inevitably healed through time, and thus you hope for the future to approach quicker.
When a person feels secluded or feels loss, changes in the brain's blood flow occur. The anterior cingulate cortex (responsible for regulating physical pain distress) becomes more active during these times. This is seen in victims of depression who also register physical pain due to the detection of nociception, which triggers a variety of responses, one which results in the experience of pain. People who are depressed or who are under extreme stress are more at risk to develop heart disease and other cardiovascular diseases based on research that found depression to help in thickening artery walls .
Although most pain of heartbreak is not that severe, it still has a profound effect on daily living. Symptoms of breakup might include loss of appetite, insomnia, headaches, stomachaches, nausea, a ton of tears, occasional nightmares, alcohol/substance abuse, depression, eating disorders, panic attacks, loss of interest, fatigue, loneliness and hopelessness.
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My heart felt a kinship with the words written about the physical pain. I felt bad that I am sure that my mother did experience this. I am angry that my father/molester has blamed me for harming my mother so brutally. To think of what the majority of people in my family/relation must feel about me......I am one of the most hated people I know. If you are a person who has tried to address child sexual abuse in your own family I am sure we are part of a Very Large Family Of Survivors! YOU MUST ALWAYS KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE! There are a great many people dealing with the same sad situation where your father/molester has tossed you under the bus. ( I was thinking of having a Halloween costume to represent) I could see myself in a plain white jump suit with tire tracks all over it! I was going to go so far as to investigate the actual cars certain people drove to have the correct imprint! Maybe some day. That would be funny and empowering if that became a trend. All the people who have been tossed under the bus.
We could take some group pictures but know we are strong enough to continue. No Matter What. And WITHOUT TAKING THE LAW INTO OUR OWN HANDS! *VERY IMPORTANT!
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http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak_progress
The Stages of Heartbreak:
Someone who is dealing with heartbreak follows patterns similar to those of the stages of death
1.Shock and Denial- you may deny the reality of the situation; this provides emotional protection from feeling overwhelmed by the situation. The shock of loss allows a state of emptiness to move in, clouding most judgment.
2.Pain and Guilt-after the shock wears off it becomes replaced with suffering and unbearable pain. Regret for things you did wrong, or things that you weren’t able to do with this person adds to further tears. Life feels chaotic during this time, and its best to openly discuss feelings and stray from bottling up your emotions
3. Anger and Bargaining- lashing out is a common form of attempting to release all unspoken emotions. This is the stage where the “why why why?!” questioning comes in. The pleas for returned love run rapid, trying to bargain with fate or with the person who was just lost.
4. Depression, Reflection, and Loneliness- like everyone else in this situation, a period of sadness clouds and
absorb your entire sense of being, leaving feelings of emptiness. This feeling occurs when you finally realize and accept the magnitude of your loss. Isolation from people is exceedingly normal, and offers a time to reflect on the past.
5. Acceptance and an Upward Turn- The feelings of depression lift slightly and life becomes possible to survive without that person so deeply intertwined with each activity. The days are a little easier to shuffle through, and you see the possibility of continuation. The reality of the situation is fully accepted and, although happiness may not return for some time, the ability to move forward has occurred.
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I can not tell you how relieved I was to actually find this written out in such an intelligent way! There may be some who have a slightly different explanation and with the many people on this planet I am sure that there
would be many variations for as many people. There is no graph or pie chart to explain how long each stage lasts as that is such a personal thing. What ever that personal experience is is something that I consider sacred. Sacred in that what ever happens with each person is what should happen with each person and it is of the "Utmost private thing". WE CAN NOT JUDGE. WE HAVE TO TRY TO BE THE BEST SUPPORT FOR EACH OTHER THAT WE CAN. I personally believe that number 5 is the hardest to get to. There are just some things that you just can not wrap your mind around. In your wildest dreams you can not believe that the situation you are in could ever happen! And to you! BUT YOUR STILL HERE ARNT YOU! So thank GOD that you are a survivor~! AND TRUST ME IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOU HAVE SURVIVED EVERYTHING TO DATE!
Number 5 is where some people will never get to. I believe one of those people is my mother. I am so hated because of that. If I am at fault at all, my father/molester is equally guilty. He is guilty of lies and I am guilty of honesty. Remember, if you have read any of my blog you know that I am ready to take any test to calculate any mental impairment on my part as long as my father/molester would consent to a polygraph.
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If I was part of the act of breaking my mothers heart, did it begin with me? Think logically for a moment. My mother is what age? and I am what age? The only way to look at this logically is that a survivor of child sexual abuse has their heart broken before their mother has their heart broken. It is a horrible thing to think about, your mother's heard breaking but I acted "in the moment" and as my mother "will not accept/will not face?/will never believe" that her loving, supportive, very involved family man could ever or would ever sexually molest his/their son" I have a hard time pretending that the years of sexual abuse didn't happen. "as he proclaimed".
Reread the stages of the Anatomy of Heartbreak and know that many infants and children experience just that as they grow up and survive child sexual abuse. There needs to be equal compassion to the survivors as well as the wives of molesters.
The cycle seems to be in an infinite loop. How many years have we been trying to address child sexual abuse? How have we made progress? How have we failed? Who is speaking and being heard? How have they done that? Are the people who are being heard making any progress? How do get heard if we DO have some answers and no one will listen?
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
No Guarantee Of Support
Many years ago I was having a great deal of difficulty speaking with my parents. There were many contributing factors. I remember my mother telling me you can tell us anything! That does not guarantee you will continue to have support for who you are. It reminds me of a book I read many years ago. It is called,"Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am?" The answer is, "If I tell you who I am you may not like me." That is to say you might have some prejudices you have not addressed as yet. And maybe you don't want to. You may have some misinformation imbedded in your head that you are just plain happy to hold on to. It's the easiest thing to do. Change is difficult. Change rocks the boat and causes people to rethink many things and many people. Change can cause a great deal of pain. And the person being blamed for causing that pain is person who is a survivor of child sexual abuse. In this case anyway.
A friend of mine and I were talking at work and he told me of 3 gay couples who were planning on suing the state for the right to get married. He expressed that it was the wrong thing to do and I stated that if a very large number of couples came forward at once it would hold more impact. My friend said that some people choose to be the perpetual victim.
It got me to thinking that that is what it seems to be for the majority of people that come forward as survivors of child sexual abuse. The following words (next paragraph) I have copied and pasted from a note on Facebook. I do not wish to diminish the horrible nightmare that the parents went through when they lost their child. I only want to point out that when an infant or child is sexually molested it is much like being killed. The person that was going to be is no longer. Everything has changed and when you realize that you did survive child sexual abuse you need to morn the loss of that childhood. Survivors of child sexual abuse often hear the same callus things outlined below from "friends and family".
(From Facebook)
Losing our child/children did not guarantee us that we would receive compassion and understanding from others. It did not guarantee us that family and friends would understand our pain, our he...artbreak, our actions, our choices. It did not guarantee us that we would receive no more trial in our lives. Quite the opposite...we lose family and friends, we have been told to "get over it" to stop crying....well, one thing it does guarantee us is that we will meet the people we are supposed to meet, the ones who care, the ones who understand and I am thankful for those who have held my hand through this nightmare of a journey through grief.
(The response from a childhood friend of mine)
It breaks my heart that anyone would tell you and Jean to stop crying and get over it. Those of us who have never lost a child can in no way comprehend the pain and anguish that you have endured. I love you guys and will continue to keep you in my prayers!!
I do not believe that my friend knew this couple. My friend is married and a grandmother now. I do not know how she would respond to finding out I was a survivor of child sexual abuse. I would hope that she would have about the same response.
It is a very difficult thing to do as far as who to trust with your heart and who you can "come out to" as a survivor of sexual abuse. Sometimes you only have connections on the internet with others who are in the same boat or in a worse situation than you are. I find it difficult not to think of the children who are being molested as I write this and how many have been molested in the time it will take me to write this blog post! How many children have been molested and how many will be tossed under the bus in the future? How many years does this cycle continue?
Do you have a game plan or an idea to expand on the "works in progress" game plan that I have? PLEASE join in the conversation.
A friend of mine and I were talking at work and he told me of 3 gay couples who were planning on suing the state for the right to get married. He expressed that it was the wrong thing to do and I stated that if a very large number of couples came forward at once it would hold more impact. My friend said that some people choose to be the perpetual victim.
It got me to thinking that that is what it seems to be for the majority of people that come forward as survivors of child sexual abuse. The following words (next paragraph) I have copied and pasted from a note on Facebook. I do not wish to diminish the horrible nightmare that the parents went through when they lost their child. I only want to point out that when an infant or child is sexually molested it is much like being killed. The person that was going to be is no longer. Everything has changed and when you realize that you did survive child sexual abuse you need to morn the loss of that childhood. Survivors of child sexual abuse often hear the same callus things outlined below from "friends and family".
(From Facebook)
Losing our child/children did not guarantee us that we would receive compassion and understanding from others. It did not guarantee us that family and friends would understand our pain, our he...artbreak, our actions, our choices. It did not guarantee us that we would receive no more trial in our lives. Quite the opposite...we lose family and friends, we have been told to "get over it" to stop crying....well, one thing it does guarantee us is that we will meet the people we are supposed to meet, the ones who care, the ones who understand and I am thankful for those who have held my hand through this nightmare of a journey through grief.
(The response from a childhood friend of mine)
It breaks my heart that anyone would tell you and Jean to stop crying and get over it. Those of us who have never lost a child can in no way comprehend the pain and anguish that you have endured. I love you guys and will continue to keep you in my prayers!!
I do not believe that my friend knew this couple. My friend is married and a grandmother now. I do not know how she would respond to finding out I was a survivor of child sexual abuse. I would hope that she would have about the same response.
It is a very difficult thing to do as far as who to trust with your heart and who you can "come out to" as a survivor of sexual abuse. Sometimes you only have connections on the internet with others who are in the same boat or in a worse situation than you are. I find it difficult not to think of the children who are being molested as I write this and how many have been molested in the time it will take me to write this blog post! How many children have been molested and how many will be tossed under the bus in the future? How many years does this cycle continue?
Do you have a game plan or an idea to expand on the "works in progress" game plan that I have? PLEASE join in the conversation.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Postings At The University Of Minnesota and Augsburg College
I am working on some postings for the University of Minnesota. I am going to the U of M today to investigate the best places to reach the most number of people who may be studying or addressing the epidemic of child sexual abuse.
I am trying to do some networking.
I am going to encourage people at the U of M to help network with people of other schools.
If you are from the U of M and are checking this out, please pass on this information to others you know who are involved in some way with this cause.
I am looking for people studying psychology and law.
If you are writing a paper or a thesis I encourage you to read my blog and prove or disprove what I have to say with my theories
and ideas on how to address child sexual abuse.
I will give updates about this if I get responses.
I am also very open to public speaking engagements. I have over 15 years of experience in public speaking about many different subjects of social issues and social justice.
Please contact me if you want to invite me for some public speaking.
I was finally able to get to the U of M and to Augsburg College today. There is so much contraction there.....such a pain!
Anyway....I found out that unless you are a student at most of these establishments you can not post anything. There were a few public posting spots on the main court yard of the U of M in front of Northrop Auditorium where I left a notice with little tear strips with blog addy's.
I was able to leave a flier with little tear strips at a councilors office at Augsburg College and also I posted at a psychology department area after asking one of the students if it was OK to do so. She said that she didn't think I needed clearance before posting. I thanked her and posted! I would look forward to speaking with any or all of the students at the 3 or 4 places I was able to post.
I did not get permission but I did post at a law school bulletin board. I would certainly like work with a law student. Knowing the law more closely and working to change the law in order to help balance the field for the safely of children would be a great step.
If you are studying psychology and want to prove or disprove my theories on how to address child sexual abuse please contact me!
If you are a person studying law and would like to work with me to help change some of the laws in order to help protect children more and to address child sexual abuse in a more direct way I would ask you to please contact me.
Let us please get a group of fresh minds together who are all working to address child sexual abuse more directly to actually bring the number of actual molestations down.
I am trying to do some networking.
I am going to encourage people at the U of M to help network with people of other schools.
If you are from the U of M and are checking this out, please pass on this information to others you know who are involved in some way with this cause.
I am looking for people studying psychology and law.
If you are writing a paper or a thesis I encourage you to read my blog and prove or disprove what I have to say with my theories
and ideas on how to address child sexual abuse.
I will give updates about this if I get responses.
I am also very open to public speaking engagements. I have over 15 years of experience in public speaking about many different subjects of social issues and social justice.
Please contact me if you want to invite me for some public speaking.
I was finally able to get to the U of M and to Augsburg College today. There is so much contraction there.....such a pain!
Anyway....I found out that unless you are a student at most of these establishments you can not post anything. There were a few public posting spots on the main court yard of the U of M in front of Northrop Auditorium where I left a notice with little tear strips with blog addy's.
I was able to leave a flier with little tear strips at a councilors office at Augsburg College and also I posted at a psychology department area after asking one of the students if it was OK to do so. She said that she didn't think I needed clearance before posting. I thanked her and posted! I would look forward to speaking with any or all of the students at the 3 or 4 places I was able to post.
I did not get permission but I did post at a law school bulletin board. I would certainly like work with a law student. Knowing the law more closely and working to change the law in order to help balance the field for the safely of children would be a great step.
If you are studying psychology and want to prove or disprove my theories on how to address child sexual abuse please contact me!
If you are a person studying law and would like to work with me to help change some of the laws in order to help protect children more and to address child sexual abuse in a more direct way I would ask you to please contact me.
Let us please get a group of fresh minds together who are all working to address child sexual abuse more directly to actually bring the number of actual molestations down.
Lashing Out Is Not The Way To Deal With Fresh Memories Of Child Sexual Abuse
When I wrote a letter to my pedophile outlining the full details of my memories of his involvement of my molestation I was very angry that he would have the immediate response of "It didn't happen!" I was very blunt and "in your face" about the entire matter. I did not pull any punches. I explained he crossed boundaries and he no longer would be considered my "father" as there are some boundaries that when you cross over them you can not come back from. I always compare it to virginity. You can never be a virgin again when you cross that boundary.
The trauma of experiencing child sexual abuse is huge. It is a trauma that is for the most part not seen. You may see unusual behavior in a child around the time of the sexual molestation but most of the actual acts are very hidden. The trauma of being confronted for molesting your own child is huge. It is wide open and out there for everyone to see. There is evident pain and a great deal of crying. The "bad guy" is the person who caused the pain and trauma that is evident to see. That "bad guy" in this case is me. That is the general consensus. Appearances really do count for a lot.
I really hate when a person lies to me or about me. Do what ever you want to me but do not lie to me or about me. That is the worst. I really do believe that having a team on your side around the time of your memories resurfacing is a very important component of addressing child sexual abuse. Give the molester in question every opportunity to come forward and address this issue within your family with an educated and neutral team. Watch the calendar and take action before the 10 years run out. Do everything in your power to investigate the "Truth Between Two People".
Lashing out is not the right thing to do. That was a hard learned lesson. Without someone there giving me advice for the next step I did what was for me a natural step. Think about how I learned how not to pull punches. I learned that from my molester. He never pulled punches either.
We need to reach people at the time they begin to have the memories of child sexual abuse and at that point there needs to be the investigation of "The Truth Between Two People".
The trauma of experiencing child sexual abuse is huge. It is a trauma that is for the most part not seen. You may see unusual behavior in a child around the time of the sexual molestation but most of the actual acts are very hidden. The trauma of being confronted for molesting your own child is huge. It is wide open and out there for everyone to see. There is evident pain and a great deal of crying. The "bad guy" is the person who caused the pain and trauma that is evident to see. That "bad guy" in this case is me. That is the general consensus. Appearances really do count for a lot.
I really hate when a person lies to me or about me. Do what ever you want to me but do not lie to me or about me. That is the worst. I really do believe that having a team on your side around the time of your memories resurfacing is a very important component of addressing child sexual abuse. Give the molester in question every opportunity to come forward and address this issue within your family with an educated and neutral team. Watch the calendar and take action before the 10 years run out. Do everything in your power to investigate the "Truth Between Two People".
Lashing out is not the right thing to do. That was a hard learned lesson. Without someone there giving me advice for the next step I did what was for me a natural step. Think about how I learned how not to pull punches. I learned that from my molester. He never pulled punches either.
We need to reach people at the time they begin to have the memories of child sexual abuse and at that point there needs to be the investigation of "The Truth Between Two People".
Monday, November 14, 2011
A Developing Formula To End Child Sexual Abuse
There are many components to the complete process that I have in mind to combat and bring an end to child sexual abuse. This is a formula in progress.
An infant/child/person needs to have protection at every stage of life. Keep in mind that that infant or child IS a PERSON and you DO NOT OWN THAT PERSON.
*For clarification I would like to state that the first part of this "works in progress" is for any person going through any kind of training to be parents. This information should be repeated from every source who is speaking with any person interested in having children. It should start in high school. At my high school the students who took parenting classes had to carry around a five pound bag of sugar or flour.
It sounds crazy to bring up but I think it important. It should be spoken, "There should be no penetration of any kind." Not in the mouth, anus or vagina. (Unless it is with a qualified doctor and a witness and a real medical exam is in progress) There should also be "No Penetration" of any kind in the other direction either with an infant or child with an adult in any orifice, the mouth, anus or vagina. In my own experience, my father was concerned that I would remember what was happening to me when I was an infant. It should be repeated many times that an infant or child WILL REMEMBER. There will be both memories of the event and body memories, even if the the infant or child is asleep. The memories WILL SURFACE in some way when the infant or child grows up.
*If a student has any kinds of memories of penetration that was done in a sexual a manor there should be a private discussion and a plan put in place for that person to have counseling to address any kind of molestation that may have taken place.
I believe that if the words are spoken with the rule "NO PENETRATION" of any kind that that alone could be key in bringing the number of molestations down.
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I believe that in part the old stand by story writing of the past, "What I did on my summer vacation" should be watched very closely. There is also the situation that when a child changes so dramatically there should be some kind of investigation. In my own situation, when I first began school in the first grade I would go early and stop into each of the 4 teachers class rooms for a short visit. When I got to the second grade I sat very quietly in my chair and did not visit each teacher. The summer vacation was filled with much sexual abuse. I do remember a teacher coming to find me in my home room and she asked if I was alright and of course I had no idea that there was something wrong as I had buried the memories.
The early years of school are when a child is most vulnerable. Their personalities are still forming and sometimes a dramatic change is not easy to spot. Sometimes a parent or teacher are so stretched that they do not see a change. The parent/teacher conferences are a perfect place to explore abuse issues and a professional involved with child abuse issues should be in attendance of these meetings. There should also be an occasional visit from a child sexual abuse expert to a classroom for a good touch bad touch chat.
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When children reach the age of puberty I believe it would be important to have a chat with the boys and girls in regards to the current statistics of child sexual abuse. The talk should be honest and informative. These are young adults capable of beginning their own life of molestation that they most likely were taught and programed to carry out from an early age. In most cases of child molestation it is a secret family tradition. In the talk with
these young people in puberty it should be said that 1 in (?) children are molested and 1 in (?) will grow up to actually grow up to carry on this epidemic. With the ever growing class rooms this I believe will cause these young people to look around and think who could be in their class who could be part of this epidemic. At this time during a class there should be a frank talk about the different kinds of sexualities and it should be explained that it is normal to be attracted to what ever you are attracted to.
[Unfortunately I believe it is also to be considered "NATURAL" to be attracted to infants and young children if you are molested as an infant or young child yourself] *IT IS A PART OF NATURE (UNFORTUNATELY) so it has to be considered natural) I do not know the statistics of the number of people who are attracted to infants or young children as a result of their own molestation. I do consider myself lucky that I am not one of those people. I personally am attracted to people who are 5 to 10 years older than myself. I have noticed I am attracted to persons with my fathers build. That is my connection to my own molestation. ***IT SHOULD BE STRESSED THAT AN INFANT OR CHILD OR YOUNG ADULT DOES NOT HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE A DECISION TO HAVE ANY SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH AN ADULT. YOU WILL DAMAGE AN INFANT OR CHILD PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, PSYCHOLOGICALLY AND SPIRITUALLY AND YOU WILL ALTER THAT PERSONS LIFE AND EVERY PERSON THEY COME IN CONTACT WITH TILL THE DAY THEY DIE. THE RIPPLES OF DAMAGE WILL CONTINUE FOR MANY YEARS AFTER YOU LEAVE THIS PLANET.
There should be an expert on hand when these talks are conducted and the option of speaking with that expert one on one should be offered if a young person is being threatened or acted upon or if that young child has noticed that they are in fact attracted to infants or young children in a sexual way. Hopefully you will reach that person in puberty before he or she has acted upon those feelings. Here is where the expert should step in with a plan of how to NOT act upon those feelings and find alternative ways to deal with these "unfortunate natural feelings". NATURAL DOES NOT MEAN NORMAL.
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Exploring what happened to the adult who is attracted to infants and children in a sexual way is very important. All I ever wanted to do when I first began having memories of child sexual abuse was to ask my own father what happened to him. My own father was not open to this. He refused to speak to me privately and in turn he has tossed me under the bus. Many people, relatives and family and "his" friends are now riding on that bus.
Those people would NEVER BELIEVE that my father could ever have molested me. There is no chance that they would ever change their minds as there is no evidence other than the lack of a relationship to him and many people, relatives and family. There is a way to investigate "the truth between two people" but if my father would refuse to speak to me one on one, what are the chances that he would ever agree to a polygraph test and counseling that would follow? There would be no chance.
I have written about this next part before but it is important to repeat myself here.
I believe that there should be team of people to help when someone begins to have memories of child sexual abuse. Every effort should be made to have a "one on one" with the molester in question. A one on one WITH an expert neutral party. There should be an investigation about what may have happened to the person believed to be a molester. If the person believed to have been the molester does not cooperate, then there should be legal action taken. There should be a polygraph test and also equal tests for the person who believes they were molested. There of course will be talk of "false memories" from the alleged molester, but I wonder if it has ever been brought up about the possible "false memories" about being a good parent!
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For a well rounded approach to addressing child sexual abuse I absolutely believe that ALL PEOPLE SHOULD COUNT, AND BE COUNTED. There are many people in this world who's abuses are never reported, or counted.
I am one of those persons. I have thought about a way to have everyone count and I would call it the Zip-Code Project. There should be a survey of people who's abuses were never reported. The person in question would put down their zip code and the year or years they were molested. There would also be a short questionnaire about the acts that were perpetrated against them. We would begin to see the full impact of this epidemic if and when this Project were carried out. In turn there would be a way to see where there needs to be more education. We could see how the epidemic has lasted and grown in different parts of the country and the world depending on how readily used this Zip-Code Project is used.
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There are some who believe that we should imprison all molesters. While there intention is good I do not believe that they have really thought about "The Next Step". That is one thing that has to be done abstractly.
YOU CAN NOT THINK ABOUT THE NEXT STEP JUST WITHIN YOUR OWN STEPS. YOU MUST THINK IN TERMS OF A LARGE COMMUNITY OR ENTIRE COUNTRY. MANY PRISONS ARE FILLED TO CAPACITY AS IT IS. WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE IMPRISONED EVERY MOLESTER, AND WHAT ABOUT THE IMPACT THEY HAVE ALREADY PLANTED IN THE MINDS AND BODIES OF INFANTS AND YOUNG CHILDREN?!? WE DO NOT HAVE THE RESOURCES TO IMPRISON ALL THE MOLESTERS. WE NEED TO GET TO THE CORE OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE AND ADDRESS IT FROM THERE.
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Do my words have reason and logic? That is the question. I have long been labeled crazy and mentally impaired because of the actions that I took and I believe this is due to many years of child sexual abuse. I have never had involved in a major car accident or had any kind of major head injury to explain any "crazy behavior". Is there any other way to explain away my actions other than child sexual abuse? For me I can think of no other explanation. Could this blog come across to anyone that I am a raging lunatic? I have done everything to think of reasonable and logical ways to treat every person with respect and equality. I believe for each person who is suspected of child sexual abuse there should be equal tests for the person who believes they have been molested.
If there are any psychology experts in the field of child sexual abuse out there who would step forward to voice there opinion, I would be very grateful.
As I have stated in the beginning, this is a works in progress to address child sexual abuse and bring it to an end. If there are others out there, experts or survivors who wish to add to this formula please step forward and thank you as always for following my blog.
An infant/child/person needs to have protection at every stage of life. Keep in mind that that infant or child IS a PERSON and you DO NOT OWN THAT PERSON.
*For clarification I would like to state that the first part of this "works in progress" is for any person going through any kind of training to be parents. This information should be repeated from every source who is speaking with any person interested in having children. It should start in high school. At my high school the students who took parenting classes had to carry around a five pound bag of sugar or flour.
It sounds crazy to bring up but I think it important. It should be spoken, "There should be no penetration of any kind." Not in the mouth, anus or vagina. (Unless it is with a qualified doctor and a witness and a real medical exam is in progress) There should also be "No Penetration" of any kind in the other direction either with an infant or child with an adult in any orifice, the mouth, anus or vagina. In my own experience, my father was concerned that I would remember what was happening to me when I was an infant. It should be repeated many times that an infant or child WILL REMEMBER. There will be both memories of the event and body memories, even if the the infant or child is asleep. The memories WILL SURFACE in some way when the infant or child grows up.
*If a student has any kinds of memories of penetration that was done in a sexual a manor there should be a private discussion and a plan put in place for that person to have counseling to address any kind of molestation that may have taken place.
I believe that if the words are spoken with the rule "NO PENETRATION" of any kind that that alone could be key in bringing the number of molestations down.
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I believe that in part the old stand by story writing of the past, "What I did on my summer vacation" should be watched very closely. There is also the situation that when a child changes so dramatically there should be some kind of investigation. In my own situation, when I first began school in the first grade I would go early and stop into each of the 4 teachers class rooms for a short visit. When I got to the second grade I sat very quietly in my chair and did not visit each teacher. The summer vacation was filled with much sexual abuse. I do remember a teacher coming to find me in my home room and she asked if I was alright and of course I had no idea that there was something wrong as I had buried the memories.
The early years of school are when a child is most vulnerable. Their personalities are still forming and sometimes a dramatic change is not easy to spot. Sometimes a parent or teacher are so stretched that they do not see a change. The parent/teacher conferences are a perfect place to explore abuse issues and a professional involved with child abuse issues should be in attendance of these meetings. There should also be an occasional visit from a child sexual abuse expert to a classroom for a good touch bad touch chat.
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When children reach the age of puberty I believe it would be important to have a chat with the boys and girls in regards to the current statistics of child sexual abuse. The talk should be honest and informative. These are young adults capable of beginning their own life of molestation that they most likely were taught and programed to carry out from an early age. In most cases of child molestation it is a secret family tradition. In the talk with
these young people in puberty it should be said that 1 in (?) children are molested and 1 in (?) will grow up to actually grow up to carry on this epidemic. With the ever growing class rooms this I believe will cause these young people to look around and think who could be in their class who could be part of this epidemic. At this time during a class there should be a frank talk about the different kinds of sexualities and it should be explained that it is normal to be attracted to what ever you are attracted to.
[Unfortunately I believe it is also to be considered "NATURAL" to be attracted to infants and young children if you are molested as an infant or young child yourself] *IT IS A PART OF NATURE (UNFORTUNATELY) so it has to be considered natural) I do not know the statistics of the number of people who are attracted to infants or young children as a result of their own molestation. I do consider myself lucky that I am not one of those people. I personally am attracted to people who are 5 to 10 years older than myself. I have noticed I am attracted to persons with my fathers build. That is my connection to my own molestation. ***IT SHOULD BE STRESSED THAT AN INFANT OR CHILD OR YOUNG ADULT DOES NOT HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE A DECISION TO HAVE ANY SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH AN ADULT. YOU WILL DAMAGE AN INFANT OR CHILD PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, PSYCHOLOGICALLY AND SPIRITUALLY AND YOU WILL ALTER THAT PERSONS LIFE AND EVERY PERSON THEY COME IN CONTACT WITH TILL THE DAY THEY DIE. THE RIPPLES OF DAMAGE WILL CONTINUE FOR MANY YEARS AFTER YOU LEAVE THIS PLANET.
There should be an expert on hand when these talks are conducted and the option of speaking with that expert one on one should be offered if a young person is being threatened or acted upon or if that young child has noticed that they are in fact attracted to infants or young children in a sexual way. Hopefully you will reach that person in puberty before he or she has acted upon those feelings. Here is where the expert should step in with a plan of how to NOT act upon those feelings and find alternative ways to deal with these "unfortunate natural feelings". NATURAL DOES NOT MEAN NORMAL.
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Exploring what happened to the adult who is attracted to infants and children in a sexual way is very important. All I ever wanted to do when I first began having memories of child sexual abuse was to ask my own father what happened to him. My own father was not open to this. He refused to speak to me privately and in turn he has tossed me under the bus. Many people, relatives and family and "his" friends are now riding on that bus.
Those people would NEVER BELIEVE that my father could ever have molested me. There is no chance that they would ever change their minds as there is no evidence other than the lack of a relationship to him and many people, relatives and family. There is a way to investigate "the truth between two people" but if my father would refuse to speak to me one on one, what are the chances that he would ever agree to a polygraph test and counseling that would follow? There would be no chance.
I have written about this next part before but it is important to repeat myself here.
I believe that there should be team of people to help when someone begins to have memories of child sexual abuse. Every effort should be made to have a "one on one" with the molester in question. A one on one WITH an expert neutral party. There should be an investigation about what may have happened to the person believed to be a molester. If the person believed to have been the molester does not cooperate, then there should be legal action taken. There should be a polygraph test and also equal tests for the person who believes they were molested. There of course will be talk of "false memories" from the alleged molester, but I wonder if it has ever been brought up about the possible "false memories" about being a good parent!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For a well rounded approach to addressing child sexual abuse I absolutely believe that ALL PEOPLE SHOULD COUNT, AND BE COUNTED. There are many people in this world who's abuses are never reported, or counted.
I am one of those persons. I have thought about a way to have everyone count and I would call it the Zip-Code Project. There should be a survey of people who's abuses were never reported. The person in question would put down their zip code and the year or years they were molested. There would also be a short questionnaire about the acts that were perpetrated against them. We would begin to see the full impact of this epidemic if and when this Project were carried out. In turn there would be a way to see where there needs to be more education. We could see how the epidemic has lasted and grown in different parts of the country and the world depending on how readily used this Zip-Code Project is used.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are some who believe that we should imprison all molesters. While there intention is good I do not believe that they have really thought about "The Next Step". That is one thing that has to be done abstractly.
YOU CAN NOT THINK ABOUT THE NEXT STEP JUST WITHIN YOUR OWN STEPS. YOU MUST THINK IN TERMS OF A LARGE COMMUNITY OR ENTIRE COUNTRY. MANY PRISONS ARE FILLED TO CAPACITY AS IT IS. WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE IMPRISONED EVERY MOLESTER, AND WHAT ABOUT THE IMPACT THEY HAVE ALREADY PLANTED IN THE MINDS AND BODIES OF INFANTS AND YOUNG CHILDREN?!? WE DO NOT HAVE THE RESOURCES TO IMPRISON ALL THE MOLESTERS. WE NEED TO GET TO THE CORE OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE AND ADDRESS IT FROM THERE.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do my words have reason and logic? That is the question. I have long been labeled crazy and mentally impaired because of the actions that I took and I believe this is due to many years of child sexual abuse. I have never had involved in a major car accident or had any kind of major head injury to explain any "crazy behavior". Is there any other way to explain away my actions other than child sexual abuse? For me I can think of no other explanation. Could this blog come across to anyone that I am a raging lunatic? I have done everything to think of reasonable and logical ways to treat every person with respect and equality. I believe for each person who is suspected of child sexual abuse there should be equal tests for the person who believes they have been molested.
If there are any psychology experts in the field of child sexual abuse out there who would step forward to voice there opinion, I would be very grateful.
As I have stated in the beginning, this is a works in progress to address child sexual abuse and bring it to an end. If there are others out there, experts or survivors who wish to add to this formula please step forward and thank you as always for following my blog.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
The Famous Case Of The Youngest Mother
This post is a copy and paste from http://panachereport.com. I have written a short response after this article.
FIVE-YEAR OLD MOTHER:
Lina Medina was born in Peru in 1933. She gave birth in 1938, at the age of 5 years, 7 months and 21 days and is the youngest confirmed mother in medical history. This world record is closely followed by a similar case in Russia.
Lina was brought to the hospital by her parents at the age of 5 because of an increasing abdominal size. She was originally thought to have a tumor but her doctors determined she was in her seventh month of pregnancy.
Dr. Gerardo Lozado took her to Lima, the capital of Peru to have specialists confirm that Lina was pregnant. Further examinations revealed a fetal heartbeat and an X-ray confirmed the pregnancy.
A month later, Lina gave birth to a baby boy by a caesarian section, necessitated by her small pelvis.
Her son weighed 5.9 lbs at birth and was named Gerardo after her doctor. Gerardo was raised believing that Lina was his sister but found out later that she was his mother at the age of ten.
He grew up healthy but died in 1979 at the age of 40 of a diseased bone marrow.
Her case was reported in ‘La Presse Medicale,’ additional details stated, that her menstruation started at age 3 and her breast development started at age 4. There was never evidence that Lina Medina’s pregnancy occurred in any but the usual way but she never revealed the father of the child or the circumstances of her impregnation.
Lina’s father was temporarily jailed on suspicion of incest but he was released for a lack of evidence and authorities were never able to determine who fathered Lina’s child.
When Lina was further questioned-by police, she couldn’t give precise responses because of her young age. Doctors stressed the importance of getting adequate care for the little girl.
Meanwhile, the story was picked up by ‘The New York Times,’ The Los Angeles Times,’ and ‘United Press International.’ Plans called for Lina, her son, and parents to travel to the United States (Chicago) to be examined by a five-man medical commission but there was no follow-up indicating the Medina family actually made the journey.
Lina would marry and have a second son, who is grown and currently resides in Mexico. Lina and her husband currently live in the ‘Little Chicago” district of Lima.
Lina refused an interview with ‘Reuters,’ in 2002.
Today, Lina Medina is 75 years old and she still will ‘not’ divulge the identity of Gerardo’s father.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is most shocking. I first heard about this sad story many years ago. Having come across this story recently I felt it important to share it here. It is very unusual that this young girl began her menstrual cycle at such a young age. Could you imagine if that were just a normal thing? The only good thing about that is many times if a young girl is raped there would be conclusive evidence. It seems that to fulfill there need for sex with a child that many molesters lose all regard for life and many infants and young children are killed. I think we have all seen the little chip that many pet owners have installed just under the skin of their animal(s). It is a GPS devise to track them and sometimes it has medical information on it. I am not sure at this writing if people do this but if I had a child I would run to the doctor and have this done. I would then test it out by having a friend or other family member take the little child or children for ice cream, somewhere.
The father of Lina was arrested for suspicion of incest. Usage of DNA in a the legal system in the US didn't even start until 1987. I am not sure but I believe it would have been later in Peru.
FIVE-YEAR OLD MOTHER:
Lina Medina was born in Peru in 1933. She gave birth in 1938, at the age of 5 years, 7 months and 21 days and is the youngest confirmed mother in medical history. This world record is closely followed by a similar case in Russia.
Lina was brought to the hospital by her parents at the age of 5 because of an increasing abdominal size. She was originally thought to have a tumor but her doctors determined she was in her seventh month of pregnancy.
Dr. Gerardo Lozado took her to Lima, the capital of Peru to have specialists confirm that Lina was pregnant. Further examinations revealed a fetal heartbeat and an X-ray confirmed the pregnancy.
A month later, Lina gave birth to a baby boy by a caesarian section, necessitated by her small pelvis.
Her son weighed 5.9 lbs at birth and was named Gerardo after her doctor. Gerardo was raised believing that Lina was his sister but found out later that she was his mother at the age of ten.
He grew up healthy but died in 1979 at the age of 40 of a diseased bone marrow.
Her case was reported in ‘La Presse Medicale,’ additional details stated, that her menstruation started at age 3 and her breast development started at age 4. There was never evidence that Lina Medina’s pregnancy occurred in any but the usual way but she never revealed the father of the child or the circumstances of her impregnation.
Lina’s father was temporarily jailed on suspicion of incest but he was released for a lack of evidence and authorities were never able to determine who fathered Lina’s child.
When Lina was further questioned-by police, she couldn’t give precise responses because of her young age. Doctors stressed the importance of getting adequate care for the little girl.
Meanwhile, the story was picked up by ‘The New York Times,’ The Los Angeles Times,’ and ‘United Press International.’ Plans called for Lina, her son, and parents to travel to the United States (Chicago) to be examined by a five-man medical commission but there was no follow-up indicating the Medina family actually made the journey.
Lina would marry and have a second son, who is grown and currently resides in Mexico. Lina and her husband currently live in the ‘Little Chicago” district of Lima.
Lina refused an interview with ‘Reuters,’ in 2002.
Today, Lina Medina is 75 years old and she still will ‘not’ divulge the identity of Gerardo’s father.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is most shocking. I first heard about this sad story many years ago. Having come across this story recently I felt it important to share it here. It is very unusual that this young girl began her menstrual cycle at such a young age. Could you imagine if that were just a normal thing? The only good thing about that is many times if a young girl is raped there would be conclusive evidence. It seems that to fulfill there need for sex with a child that many molesters lose all regard for life and many infants and young children are killed. I think we have all seen the little chip that many pet owners have installed just under the skin of their animal(s). It is a GPS devise to track them and sometimes it has medical information on it. I am not sure at this writing if people do this but if I had a child I would run to the doctor and have this done. I would then test it out by having a friend or other family member take the little child or children for ice cream, somewhere.
The father of Lina was arrested for suspicion of incest. Usage of DNA in a the legal system in the US didn't even start until 1987. I am not sure but I believe it would have been later in Peru.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Dear FACT
Dear FACT,
It seems to me that there needs to be a systematic way to address child sexual abuse and it all begins with the memories.
From the very first memories of child sexual abuse there needs to be a team. A very specific team who know what is going to happen next.
I believe that what happens in every case is going to be relatively the same. NOTE: The memories will be different but the process at which they surface will be relatively the same.
There will be something that will trigger the beginning of the memories. It will usually be very traumatic and a person will get wild flashes of scenes of what they have survived. (Always remember and use the word survived! I believe it gives empowerment. You are still here and you HAVE SURVIVED!)
With the first memories of child sexual abuse I turned to the people who have always told me, "You can tell us anything!" Those people were my parents. I guess this part of the claim was not covered under their initial support!
What happened to me is that the immediate words and the only words that were spoken were, "It didn't happen!"
I was really baffled by this as I had no idea at the time that the first person who sexually molested me was my own father!
The memories were not all there for me, and they never will be "all there" for anyone who "begins" to remember child sexual abuse. Memories as far as what I have read in all the documents out there are not going to be complete when you first begin to have them.
One way to try to convince me that I was mentally impaired and to keep my from being vocal about this was to proclaim to me and to anyone in ear shot that I always changed my story.
When a person begins to have memories their story is never complete. What will happen is that the story is not really changing at all it is only filling out and becoming complete! There is a very real difference there. While each story may have similarities, each story for each individual is going to be different and each story is very important as this shows that each individual is important! WE ARE ALL IMPORTANT AND EACH SURVIVORS STORY NEEDS TO BE COMPLETE. We each need to know fully what we have survived in order to deal with each detail and to move forward.
OK......About the team.
For me the entire reason I have been for the last 20 years trying to address child sexual abuse was to actually make a difference, to get education out there and to bring the actual numbers down. To address this issue at the very core is the only way to really address it. For me it has to be addressed in the same way you would address a math problem.
I believe there needs to be a campaign to reach people who are just beginning to have the memories. They are the people who need to be reached.
They need to have a team of people who can guide them as to what to expect next. I do not know the stages of what is next, I only know that I lived through them. (Again...I am a survivor!)
When a person begins to have memories they need to know there are people who do believe them. I believe it would be beneficial to have the person who begins to have the memories take appropriate tests to asses their metal capacity. The main thing that happens time and time again is that you are labeled as crazy. Nip that in the bud right away! (as Barney Phief would say!)
****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
It is not my intention to make quick buck or live off anyone so it is my suggestion that we try to trace as far as we can, the beginning of the sexual abuse in your own family. The statistics show that the majority of sexual abuse is from someone you know. OK. With me, I would begin by having an honest talk with my father. Many years ago he told me about when he was in an iron lung. I am not sure of how long he was encased in this contraption. What he told me is about the puddle of tears that were under him each time his family visited him. He was mostly face down in this "thing" and one night an employee of the hospital stepped up behind him.....and raped him.
My father needs to speak about the full memory of details of what happened.
I am not sure here....I can only speculate it but.....I would not doubt if his own father molested him. I always had a distrust of my fathers father. He was always a very gruff man and not very inviting. I kept my distance. We need to talk about everything that he remembers and find out if he is still attracted to children.
We need to make sure that he is never around children by himself.
As for my own story......I needed to explore more closely what happened on a certain farm in Wisconsin. I did for a short time have the assistance of an aunt of mine. I was so very appreciative of her for taking the time to meet with me and talk about what was happening to me with my sudden and disturbing memories. I had details of the house where I was molested just a little too perfect and I also had the first name of the man who molested me on the farm and caused my near death experience. The person I named was a long standing friend of the family. I was 4 years old. I know they took pictures. Yes it was 1966 but they could still exist today. I recently sent my uncle (the man married to the aunt that initially helped me) an email. He happens to be a pastor. I sent the message to him via a yahoo address for my Facebook page to address child sexual abuse. He did not answer my email. I posted the letter on my blog with a note stating that I felt there were enough details in my story that my uncle would determine it was me. He had to face this as my uncle and as a man of the cloth. As a man he ignored me. As a pastor he ignored me. If he was someone who was doing his job, please excuse me, he would seek out two people. The person to evaluate my mental capacity and the person who could be my councilor to if in fact I had survived child sexual abuse. To me it is just that simple.
They say that a man who has nothing to hide, hides nothing. Any loving supportive father would not hesitate to step in and support their child. Any father who had nothing to hide would speak openly. The subject of if they knew what they did was wrong would have to be brought up. The subject of to what degree were they able to control their desires would have to be brought up. Each persons details (once they believe they have had them all) are going to be different.
If the "loving, supportive father" is not willing to cooperate to address child sexual abuse, I believe that the lawyer would have to step in.
I believe there should be a law which proves, "The Truth Between Two People".
As with the person who has the "alleged child sexual abuse memories" as will be proclaimed by many; what about the honesty of the molester in question?
I believe that the person in question should have a polygraph test. I have the belief in total fairness. Equal and opposite tests.
Again I am not suggesting that this be a quick easy fix for financial reasons. This is only to begin to bring the ever growing numbers of sexual abuse cases down.....to really.......http://addresschildsexualabuse.blogspot.com/
This started out as a letter and ended up both a letter and a blog post.
FAMILY AND CHILD TREATMENT OF SOUTHERN NEVADA
6431 W Sahara Suite 200
Las Vegas, NV 89146
Phone: 258-5855 Fax: 258-9767
info@factsnv.org
It is all about the networking!
Virgo (Aug.23-Sept.22.) In part my horoscope reads: What looks like a no-brainer to you may be far from obvious to the person dealing with the situation.
I just saw this horoscope for today and thought it fit.
It seems to me that there needs to be a systematic way to address child sexual abuse and it all begins with the memories.
From the very first memories of child sexual abuse there needs to be a team. A very specific team who know what is going to happen next.
I believe that what happens in every case is going to be relatively the same. NOTE: The memories will be different but the process at which they surface will be relatively the same.
There will be something that will trigger the beginning of the memories. It will usually be very traumatic and a person will get wild flashes of scenes of what they have survived. (Always remember and use the word survived! I believe it gives empowerment. You are still here and you HAVE SURVIVED!)
With the first memories of child sexual abuse I turned to the people who have always told me, "You can tell us anything!" Those people were my parents. I guess this part of the claim was not covered under their initial support!
What happened to me is that the immediate words and the only words that were spoken were, "It didn't happen!"
I was really baffled by this as I had no idea at the time that the first person who sexually molested me was my own father!
The memories were not all there for me, and they never will be "all there" for anyone who "begins" to remember child sexual abuse. Memories as far as what I have read in all the documents out there are not going to be complete when you first begin to have them.
One way to try to convince me that I was mentally impaired and to keep my from being vocal about this was to proclaim to me and to anyone in ear shot that I always changed my story.
When a person begins to have memories their story is never complete. What will happen is that the story is not really changing at all it is only filling out and becoming complete! There is a very real difference there. While each story may have similarities, each story for each individual is going to be different and each story is very important as this shows that each individual is important! WE ARE ALL IMPORTANT AND EACH SURVIVORS STORY NEEDS TO BE COMPLETE. We each need to know fully what we have survived in order to deal with each detail and to move forward.
OK......About the team.
For me the entire reason I have been for the last 20 years trying to address child sexual abuse was to actually make a difference, to get education out there and to bring the actual numbers down. To address this issue at the very core is the only way to really address it. For me it has to be addressed in the same way you would address a math problem.
I believe there needs to be a campaign to reach people who are just beginning to have the memories. They are the people who need to be reached.
They need to have a team of people who can guide them as to what to expect next. I do not know the stages of what is next, I only know that I lived through them. (Again...I am a survivor!)
When a person begins to have memories they need to know there are people who do believe them. I believe it would be beneficial to have the person who begins to have the memories take appropriate tests to asses their metal capacity. The main thing that happens time and time again is that you are labeled as crazy. Nip that in the bud right away! (as Barney Phief would say!)
****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
It is not my intention to make quick buck or live off anyone so it is my suggestion that we try to trace as far as we can, the beginning of the sexual abuse in your own family. The statistics show that the majority of sexual abuse is from someone you know. OK. With me, I would begin by having an honest talk with my father. Many years ago he told me about when he was in an iron lung. I am not sure of how long he was encased in this contraption. What he told me is about the puddle of tears that were under him each time his family visited him. He was mostly face down in this "thing" and one night an employee of the hospital stepped up behind him.....and raped him.
My father needs to speak about the full memory of details of what happened.
I am not sure here....I can only speculate it but.....I would not doubt if his own father molested him. I always had a distrust of my fathers father. He was always a very gruff man and not very inviting. I kept my distance. We need to talk about everything that he remembers and find out if he is still attracted to children.
We need to make sure that he is never around children by himself.
As for my own story......I needed to explore more closely what happened on a certain farm in Wisconsin. I did for a short time have the assistance of an aunt of mine. I was so very appreciative of her for taking the time to meet with me and talk about what was happening to me with my sudden and disturbing memories. I had details of the house where I was molested just a little too perfect and I also had the first name of the man who molested me on the farm and caused my near death experience. The person I named was a long standing friend of the family. I was 4 years old. I know they took pictures. Yes it was 1966 but they could still exist today. I recently sent my uncle (the man married to the aunt that initially helped me) an email. He happens to be a pastor. I sent the message to him via a yahoo address for my Facebook page to address child sexual abuse. He did not answer my email. I posted the letter on my blog with a note stating that I felt there were enough details in my story that my uncle would determine it was me. He had to face this as my uncle and as a man of the cloth. As a man he ignored me. As a pastor he ignored me. If he was someone who was doing his job, please excuse me, he would seek out two people. The person to evaluate my mental capacity and the person who could be my councilor to if in fact I had survived child sexual abuse. To me it is just that simple.
They say that a man who has nothing to hide, hides nothing. Any loving supportive father would not hesitate to step in and support their child. Any father who had nothing to hide would speak openly. The subject of if they knew what they did was wrong would have to be brought up. The subject of to what degree were they able to control their desires would have to be brought up. Each persons details (once they believe they have had them all) are going to be different.
If the "loving, supportive father" is not willing to cooperate to address child sexual abuse, I believe that the lawyer would have to step in.
I believe there should be a law which proves, "The Truth Between Two People".
As with the person who has the "alleged child sexual abuse memories" as will be proclaimed by many; what about the honesty of the molester in question?
I believe that the person in question should have a polygraph test. I have the belief in total fairness. Equal and opposite tests.
Again I am not suggesting that this be a quick easy fix for financial reasons. This is only to begin to bring the ever growing numbers of sexual abuse cases down.....to really.......http://addresschildsexualabuse.blogspot.com/
This started out as a letter and ended up both a letter and a blog post.
FAMILY AND CHILD TREATMENT OF SOUTHERN NEVADA
6431 W Sahara Suite 200
Las Vegas, NV 89146
Phone: 258-5855 Fax: 258-9767
info@factsnv.org
It is all about the networking!
Virgo (Aug.23-Sept.22.) In part my horoscope reads: What looks like a no-brainer to you may be far from obvious to the person dealing with the situation.
I just saw this horoscope for today and thought it fit.
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