Monday, May 26, 2014

Thank You People of Ukraine

 
I wanted to reach out and thank the person or people of the Ukraine for viewing my blog.   Recently it was 47 views.  For a blog of this sort with a not very popular subject, 47 hits is Big!  So thank you for checking in.  If you need to talk to someone about any issues you may be going through you can contact me on here or I could send you an email address.

I always encourage people to join in the conversation and ask any questions you want.  I will help you with connections to safe people in your area, interventions or what ever I can help you with.  

I wish you well.







Saturday, May 24, 2014

Dear Uncle in Bloomer Wisconsin

Dear Uncle In Bloomer Wisconsin,

I have tried for over 25 years to address child sexual abuse and incest in my paternal family.  The majority of what I experienced is from your brother, Robert and when I was gang raped [by mouth] in your farm house by Peter [the baby sitter and his friends].
They got me drunk and high and passed me around.  I had a near death experience there and I chose to come back.  I had a "parting gift" in the form of Oral Gonorrhea.  I was 4 years old.

I wonder if you remember a guy named Peter?  All I know is that he was the baby sitter and he invited many people over to sexually molest me.  I have all the details chronicled at the beginning of this blog.

It is called Every Survivors Story Is Different.

I count myself one of the many people who applaud you in your recovery regarding alcohol.

I wonder if maybe Peter was one of your drinking buddies.  I wonder if maybe you might have been impaired in your judgment of Peters ability to be a good choice in being in my and my 2 year old brothers care.  Do you know Peter yet today?  If you do, I suggest you contact the police as he is most likely contenting to molest children unless he has been caught before this letter.

I contacted the people of AA and asked them about one of the 12 steps.  The step was #8.

This was the kind response from the people of AA.

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Hi  XXX,

I am so sorry to hear what you have experience in your life. I cannot imagine the journey your experiences have taken you on.  A.A.’s Twelve Steps are a group of principles, spiritual in their nature, which, if practiced as a way of life, can expel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to become happily and usefully whole.

The program of A.A. is a personal choice and a personal journey. They are there to guide us, but it is up to each individual how they work with them.
I believe only that person involved in the 8th step can answer that question.

I pray you find resolve and peace for yourself.

In Service
Gail Stenger
Office Manager

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[continuing letter to Uncle in Bloomer]

I do not blame you or anyone else in this world for anything I have experienced or ever Will experience  as I am a Gnostic Christian and believe that I have chosen everything I will experience.  The only thing I want to stress is that basic accountability is all I have ever asked for.  I am sorry but I believe that your father got after both Robert and Alice.  I stayed with Alice in Milwaukee and there are actions that tell me that she is a survivor as well.  One trigger for her is Frank Sinatra era music.  She is fine with it if is is Without the Vocals.  Instrumentals are what she listens to.  I feel sad for her because, sometimes people do not do the work.
Lastly there are ripples in the waters of what I experienced.

I have tried to speak with Alice about this for years.  She will not speak to me.  I have tried the same amount of years to speak with my parents.  They have shut me out and refused me on many levels.  I am now asking you to step up and show me some kind of family loyalty.

Without a Firm Example Of Family Loyalty From You, I Can Not Promise To Continue To Have Family Loyalty To You And Yours.


*I do not have my name on my blog as yet, and I have not as yet revealed my birth name.  So I can not sign this letter.  That is why you have received a notice in the mail to read your letter here.


Wednesday, May 14, 2014

We Are All Equal, Equally Frustrated

The lived in three different houses in my early life.  I was molested in all three places so I never felt safe.

Being a Gnostic Christian I believe that all human souls were created at the same exact time which explains that, "All men are created equal".

I had many panic attacks and was always moody.  In turn I never bonded with anyone in my "family".
My siblings tried many times to have me join in with many activities but I was always unpredictable and could not be reached.  I had to be coaxed to join many things.

I was thinking how really frustrating that would have been for them.  Little do they know that it was equally frustrating for me.  Imagine you are with a group of people, your brothers and sisters and parents and they are loving caring people and that love will never be trusted as you were sexually molested in that house and did not trust anything that happened there.  Yes, my pedophile is a very loving man and at rare times I felt love from him as well as the rest of my people in the house.  How frustrating for all but no one in my "family" will speak with me about this.

As I move forward I must always believe that "All men/women Are created equally and that for in that equality for every action their is an equal and opposite reaction and all the pain and anguish my mother
has felt with her broken heart happened to me when I was growing up and often complained that my heart hurt.

It was brushed off as a "nervous condition".

I have grieved about my mothers broken heart and feel frustrated that anyone who in close to this
believes that I am the one who caused it.  The root of the problem is of course my pedophile.

It seems we are all equally frustrated.  I will always be ready to meet any one of my "family" on equal ground.