Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Reading Spiritual Books

I rotate my reading materials.  Art books, biographies and spiritual books are some of the rotation.

For spiritual books I have turned to Sylvia Browne.  I joined her church many years ago and have found much comfort in her words.  As Gnostics we believe we have chosen what experiences we 
have to test our own spirituality.   I actually remember conversations with my spirit guide while choosing all that I was going to experience.    I also remember conversations with a few other people before I incarnated into this life.   Knowing this is nice but the bumps in the road are still difficult to endure.  

Recently I came upon another author who is a psychic medium as well by the name of Rosemary Altea.
I am reading her book Proud Spirit.  "Take what you want and leave the rest" is what is always said in the church I belong to.  I have found many of the same teachings in this Rosemary Altea book and look forward to reading more.  I also checked out her website which I found to be very interesting.  

One part of her website at the top (just right of center) is a title.   "Own Your Power"   I am going to investigate Rosemary's Lessons to "Own My Own Power".   



One part of her book caught me off guard a little.  Rosemary Altea has the ability to channel spirits who have crossed over.  She was channeling an old woman known to be "The little old lady with no teeth".

In a trance session for a spiritual class, the little old lady asked if she could give them anything for Christmas what would they like?  

Someone asked for peace in the world.  Peace and harmony in the family.  Healing and the healing light spread throughout the world.  All wars to end.  Food for the starving.  All selfless all giving and all loving ideas for Christmas Presents.  

The teacher in trance, the little old lady with no teeth listened without interruption until they had finished.  Then, and with a gentle smile she replied:

"Because I am love and come from love, and because I am your teacher, I must tell you....if I could give you a gift for Christmas, I would give you the gift of pain...I would give you the gift of heartache...and I would give you the gift of tears...for it is only through these that you will learn, that you will grow, and that you will come to understand the nature of  your soul, and of your strength."


Sylvia Browne has said pretty much the same thing.  Sylvia always asks, "What have you learned during the good times?"  The really tough times in your life are what you really learn from.  


I actually met Sylvia Browne many years ago long before she has become as known as she is today. 
My parents rented a cabin by a lake and Sylvia and her family were at one of the nearby cabins.  
She gave me a mini reading and told me with wide eyes, "You chose a lot!"  I replied, "It didn't feel like I chose a lot."  She did not elaborate, but now I know.  

I encourage everyone to search out spiritual books.  I will recommend the books I read but certainly want you to go to where your heart tells you to go as far as spiritual growth.  I always believe that while religion can be a wonderful thing, Spirituality is where it's at.  Religion is a man made thing.  Spirituality goes directly to God.  


Since the "Other Side" has no negativity, I believe we understand the lessons much more clearly once we cross over.  I believe there will be a great amount of study that I look forward to.  Often times there are a great many things that happen on this earth that I just can't "wrap my mind around" and I look forward to knowing what those events were all about which will bring me to a greater spirituality.









Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Virtuous Pedophiles Website


This is a site I came upon recently and wanted to pass it on to you.  I have not delved into the entire content of the site but if there are pedophiles out there who recognize their attractions to young children and make every effort to Not Molest the children they are attracted to I believe they deserve a great deal of support.  I will be reading more on their site and hope you check in and have empathy and support for these Virtuous Pedophiles. 


" I’m a 20-year-old man who has been trying to deal with an attraction to young girls since I was 13. Women just don't interest me. I wish with all my soul that I could have a brain that's wired normally. I know that I can never act on what I feel, but I need to speak to a therapist because I don't think I can get through this on my own. But if I talk to a therapist he could report me, because I have to talk about my attraction to young girls. I don’t know whether he would or not and don't even know how to go about getting more information. Even the friendships I have are in danger of falling apart because I can't just keep saying 'I'm fine' and I can't talk to anyone about my problem. I think about suicide a lot. "
Anonymous pleas like this show up constantly on the web. This man is a heartbreakingly anguished example of what we call a Virtuous Pedophilevirtuous because he is not going to do anything with a real child. We too are Virtuous Pedophiles, and there are a great many of us, though few people know of our existence. To admit our condition is to invite suspicion, hatred, and social ostracism. Virtuous doesn't mean we think we're better than the average person, just that we're not worse.
We do not choose to be attracted to children, and we cannot make that attraction go away. But we can resist the temptation to abuse children sexually, and many of us present no danger to children whatsoever. Yet we are despised for having a sexual attraction that we did not choose, cannot change, and successfully resist. This hatred has its consequences; many of us suffer from depression and sometimes even commit suicide. Paradoxically, the hatred actually increases the risk of child sexual abuse by making us afraid to admit our condition to others, thus discouraging us from seeking treatment. More of us could lead productive, happy, law-abiding lives if we could open up to people who would treat us not as monsters but as human beings with an unfortunate burden to bear.
The goals of our organization are to reduce the stigma attached to pedophilia by letting people know that a substantial number of pedophiles do not molest children, and to provide peer support and information about available resources to help pedophiles lead happy, productive lives. Our highest priority is to help pedophiles never abuse children. We hope you will explore our web site with an open mind.

http://www.virped.org   Please check out this site!  Thank you.  



Saturday, March 16, 2013

Technological Breakthrough Allows Scientists to Read Your Mind By Melissa Knowles


Most of us have heard the old adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." In other words, keep your negative thoughts to yourself. But what if someone could read your thoughts?
A new technological breakthrough allows scientists to see what people are imagining; they can even decipher what number a person has just seen, what video the person has just watched, or what particular memory the person is recalling.
Imaging has become so sophisticated that researchers at Cornell University were able to deduce the mental picture of imaginary people that brain scan subjects were inventing in their heads. Neuroscientist Nathan Spreng said of the study, "We are trying to understand the physical mechanisms that allow us to have an inner world, and a part of that is how we represent other people in our mind."
Here's how the experiment went: Researchers gave 19 volunteers descriptions of four imaginary people, whose personalities had certain positive and negative attributes. The scientists gave names and genders to the imaginary people and asked those participating in the study to imagine how the fictitious people might behave in various situations. Then the scientists scanned each volunteer's brain, using functional magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), which analyzed the blood flow to different parts. They discovered that the volunteers' thinking about each fake person yielded a different pattern of activity. Therefore, the researchers could determine which person the volunteers were thinking about each time, without the volunteers' saying a word.
Spreng said, "this is the first study to show that we can decode what people are imagining."
So while this scientific breakthrough allows scientists to read your thoughts, it's comforting to know that you would have to have your brain scanned in order for them to do so -- they're not just using telepathy.
[Related: Brain Imaging After Mild Head Injury/Concussion Can Show Lesions]
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*Comment from the blogger. 
The part of this article that really caught my eye was, "or what particular memory the person is recalling".
Could this be a way in the future to prove that a person has been sexually molested?  

Friday, March 15, 2013

I Was Not Acting Up, I Was Reacting

Acting up, having a panic attack, acting crazy.  Loopy, not all there, touched in the head.  There are many ways to label a person if they are not acting within the means of basic social standards.

The clever part of my relatives is that over the years when more and more people turned away from and and refused to communicate back to me i.e. answering a letter, an email or returning a phone call, no one will tell me how they view this situation.  No one will say to my face that they think that I am mentally impaired.   I can not get a answer from anyone about the debate of whether I am a survivor of child sexual abuse or am I just mentally not all there.


From the time I moved away from the unsafe house I grew up in to this moment now there has been a fairly steady healing.  There were times where I did have panic attacks but the length of them and the severity of them have decreased greatly.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  For all the sexual abuse I survived, if you look at how severe my panic attacks were, could you not see that the sexual molestation was that severe as well.

I was not acting up, I was reacting.



Saturday, March 9, 2013

Prison Sentence Without Bars

If it is a prison sentence without bars, [surviving child sexual abuse] I know I have chosen it as I am a Gnostic Christian.

There are so many flip-flopping parallels in my life story.  When I was very young morning the loss of my childhood I was forced to stop crying, as I apparently had nothing to cry about.

When I remembered what I was trying to cry about I confronted my father/pedophile about all the sexual activity he involved me in and it made him cry uncontrollably for a long time.    I am deemed the bad seed and banished.  Siblings will not friend me on Face book, some cousins are the same.  Siblings will not answer emails and the family Matriarch placates, pacifies and dismisses anything about her brother sexually molesting his own child.

As of late my mother will not answer any of the letters or phone calls I have made to her.   I have written her and called and visited over a period of 5 years.  It is passive aggressiveness at it's best.  I have said it before and I will say it again, Passive Aggressive is the new Bully.

Because I did not bond with my family because of dealing with all the sexual activity being thrust upon me, while I do have the need for family, I doubt it will ever be with the relatives who now refuse to answer any and all forms of communication I have tried thus far.  I refuse to play the game.

It always comes down to the debate of, it's either child sexual abuse or mental impairment.

As I have stated before, I will agree to any and all testing to prove I am sane.  Would my father/pedophile agree to the same?  Chances are No, he would not.

SO.........The judge and jury in my case have already decided.  I was not present for the trial.  I did not have my say.  They in turn did not say anything to me at all.  They just, "Talked amongst themselves".

Many years ago my parents taught me to feel empathy for people who are "not all there" as they would say.  There are people who had limitations in what they could decide and what they would say.  What they said didn't always make sense.  We must pray for them and feel sad for them.   My parents think this way about me and I am forced to feel this way about my parents and all the people who are lied to about my mental capacity.  But guess what.....     Actions that I have been involved with and the fact my parents chose to put me in the psych ward at the hospital in my home town "prove" that I need to be there in the first place!

But if there were a graph from the testimony of all the people who witnessed me acting up and acting strangely and if you put it up against the details of all the sexual abuse I survived, it would be a perfect match.

I chose a prison without bars.  I only hope my spirituality holds out.  I have every belief that it will.

Peace.