Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Dear Pastor Schwerin

Dear Pastor Schwerin,

I am writing to you for spiritual advise and also advise as to how I can move forward.

I have been trying to speak with my family for over 20 years about my surviving child sexual abuse. I come from a very large family and there are only very small handful who are willing have anything to do with me. In this high tech world of staying connected my own sisters and many other family will not even “friend” me on Facebook. There is one aunt who was a teacher and former religious who absolutely refused to believe it or speak of it in any way! For the most part I hear about family / relative news is from an uncle who lives on the west coast! Even with my own mother I have called written and visited and I hear nothing back.

I did have one aunt who agreed to meet with me and discuss child sexual abuse. We met around 3 or 4 times and out of the blue she cut me out of her life. No answering phone calls or any kind of mail. That was over 10 years ago.

I have been writing a blog about this experience. I have been reaching out to all factions of people who are affected in some way by child sexual abuse and have had some success in building up a network. The networking that really needs to happen is with my family and relatives.

This is an epidemic that is often times generational.


What should I do when I reach out to an aunt who refuses to speak with me about her brother sexually molesting me and when I do finally reach her she repeats a phone number for me and she changes one number and makes a joke out of it?

Do you think it is possible to have any kind of relationship with a family that for the most part has tossed me under the bus? What would be my next step? Do I contact the husband of one of my aunts who is a Pastor?

Thank you for your time and energy,

http://addresschildsexualabuse.blogspot.com/


This is a letter I wrote to an aunt of mines husband. I would believe that he would see enough of the details of my life to realize who it is. I plan on sending this to him in regular mail. I will let you know if and when he responds to it.

I actually found an email for the church he is a Pastor at and sent the email labeled "confidential to Pastor Schwerin".

I have no idea if he will see this blog or if he will respond in any way. We shall see.

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Sunday, October 30th.

I have known my share of people who have lived the religious life. That does not mean in any way that they are actually spiritual or really follow any of the rules set down by what ever religion that they choose to follow. It just means that some wear a costume and proclaim all that they need to proclaim by what ever religion that they choose to follow. I do not say that all people who live the religious life but many of the people I know fit into this category.

It appears that my uncle the pastor has decided to not respond to my email. I have known for many years a mantra taught to many religious persons. This is from the Catholic Faith. "Deny everything, admit nothing!" That has been forced in the other direction in some cases of child sexual abuse but that is the usual gist of how they react to something like the email I sent. That is one thing and when provoked they tell their "white lies".

I am not surprised by the non-response to my email. It looks as if another person has boarded the bus. The same bus that I was tossed under. This is not upsetting to me at all. A very dear friend of mine asked me about this blog recently and said he was worried about me because it looked as if I was going out searching to be let down and abandoned even more than I have already. I do not think that this is the case. There are many steps to take to undo what has been around for many years. Most likely more years than we could even know. If you do not reach out and ask the people in your life for help, how will you know if they are going to help you or not. I believe there will be many more doors shut in my face before I reach through to a larger audience who are like minded and strong enough to really make a change in the numbers of actual numbers of children being molested.

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I have been thinking of comments I made about "costume wearing" and I feel it was not entirely fair. I feel I did give my uncle ample time to comment or respond to my email but I also feel I was a little too harsh. I do not know his schedule and I do not know all that is included in his vows. I am not one who should be a judge about anyone. I am disappointed but I will not judge. I will continue to reach him and this time I will send the same letter addressed to "Uncle Rich".
I remember the first name of the man who included me in group sex when I was 4 years old. I believe that person is most likely still alive and may still be molesting children. I remember that there were photographs taken of me during that party. I am going to see if he will help me at least find out the last name of the man who molested me. It is difficult to trust and for some reason I have a fear that the molester in question may actually be given a tip off of what I am trying to do.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Age Appropriate Sexual Abuse Preventative Plan

Age Appropriate Sexual Abuse Preventative Plan

January 29Th, 2010

According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, child sexual abuse is reported up to 80,000 times per year which is staggering. As alarming as that number is, the thought that many sexual abuse cases go unreported only increases the need for parents to talk to their children about sexual assault/abuse. Many children fear what will happen to them if they tell and therefore remain silent. The psychological toll that their silence creates can be devastating to a child.

Parents should be proactive and make sure that their child understands what a good touch or bad touch is and make sure to develop open communication when it comes to their bodies. Prevent Child Abuse America has developed an age-appropriate Preventative Plan that goes as follows:

18 months- Teach child proper names for body parts.

3 Years Old- Use coloring/reading books to teach child about private parts; explain to child how to scream “NO” if he/she feels uncomfortable when touched a certain way.

5 – 8 Years Old- Make sure the child understands the difference between being touched on their private parts and other areas
of their body; Begin talking about outdoor safety to prevent molestation and/or abduction; create open dialogue to discuss uncomfortable situations.

At 8 Years Old- Stress personal safety outside the home; discuss appropriate sexual conduct.

12 – 18 Years Old- Parents should begin discussing STD’s, date rape, pregnancy prevention and the effects of drugs and alcohol.*


This is from the website http://sexualabuseexperts.com/

I save many sites addressing child sexual abuse. This is one of the last I have found. I really believe we could do wonders if we organized many of these sites to be working on solutions together. Let me start the emails.............

*When you do give the talk about drugs and alcohol please do some research. The drug talk I got was, "Don't do drugs or you'll jump out of a 3rd floor window!"

Monday, October 10, 2011

The Origin and Growth Of "Bad Blood"

One thing that I have heard many times and have repeated here is the rule of "For every action there is and equal and opposite reaction. Recently a sister of mine asked for my mailing address through an email. I suggested that she accept my friendship on face book and I would give her my address there. She refused and said she didn't understand why I made such a big deal about it. She would not accept my friendship on face book even though she had accepted 143 friends to date. I do not believe that she put up such a fuss with many or any of the 143 that she befriended before my request. She said she didn't "get it" why I made such a fuss. For me, it would simply establish that we were friends. It really is a simple thing. It was complex for my sister.

I looked up the quote "Appearances count for everything" but could not find it's origin. I think I was told that by a few people who had knowledge of business practices. Appearances count for everything. I am beginning to think that it is absolutely true.

In all aspects of life in all ages of life appearances count for everything and they weigh heavy every stage in your life.

I did not have a childhood. I was always being told act your age. I relied on other children near my age that i would mimic.
When I was growing up and enduring the many episodes of sexual abuse from my father, from a priest from a stranger from whomever....each time I would disappear, I would bury what just happened because I was not able to comprehend and deal with and address the assault I had just lived through. Each time there was an assault I would automatically act like the child near me.

By all outward appearances the person who just assaulted me could simply, [if ever they came close to being found out] could simply state they were helping me to a glass of water; bringing me to the bathroom or consoling be because of a nightmare. What was I going to do or say? I was in my buried state and I could not say anything because how did I have the vocabulary to say anything?

By all outward appearances they look to be kind and generous with their care of an infant or child. You most likely you do not know what you have almost witnessed.

When a young child begins to grow up, they will most likely have great and grand mood swings. Think of how jarring the experience of being sexually molested as an infant or child. When you are growing up your emotions will not match up to your age as you do not have the memories and the know how to decipher and address those very complex memories and experiences. The level of mood swings and multi-level of behaviors will be equal to the level of child molestation. Always remember the equation "equal and opposite".

There is a very big possibility that the young child who grows into young adulthood will continue to have outbursts that may lead to alcohol and drug use and or a trip to the psych ward for a short or extended visit depending on the level of molestation you have endured and survived. Let's all begin to think of ourselves as survivors. We are still here to read this and take in all it explains so We Are Survivors! Be proud of that!

But always thing about how "Appearances Are Everything" What everyone sees in the past will dictate how people will think about you in the here and now. What it looks like is what it is with most folk!

If you look at the statistics of how many people get tossed under the bus you will see that what I am experiencing is pure text book. I again have not looked it up but I could venture to say this has most likely been going on for too many decades! People would be shocked but many would still be complacent and just figure....that's the way things are. I just "Thank God It's Not In My Family!"

So....do not forget that as you are going through this, yet another stage of survival, there is a loving, caring parent stepping forward yet again to sweep in and save the day! I How many times has this been?!?!? I am getting so sick and tired of the saintly man of a father stepping in to help that poor sickly mentally impaired person! I would not blame him if he just gave up on this hopeless mentally impaired young man. (This scenario is in part fictionalized but this is based on what has happened to me. Keep in mind that there are so many relatives I know who will never answer a direct and specific question. It is all about saving face. How many hundreds of thousands of families are saving face to toss a survivor under the bus?

What is the value of that family name who would sacrifice a member of the family to "Save Face" and submit to "Not In My Family"? What should I think of my own "family"?!?!? What would they think of themselves if they ever thought to think of themselves as the people that most people would feel disgust about? Who are the people who are perpetuating the continuation of child sexual abuse the most? They are the people who are on the bus that you are tossed under.


We have the technology of exploring "The Truth Between Two People" but the law is on the person "with nothing to hide". That would be the "alleged molester". If you try to investigate "The Truth Between Two People" you are going to come across some of the most believable explanations that could ever be fabricated as they are so "text book". The crazy acts of the "survivor" all fit with the crazy acts they instigated and that coincides with generous and loving acts by the loving (in my case) father who stepped forward ''once again" to try to help such a lost soul.

It is outward appearances that people will see and believe.

The perception of "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction" is that the survivor is the instigator of the initial actions that hurt their family. Just ask yourself the age old question, What came first, the chicken or the egg?" What came first, The molester or the survivor?


At the present time my mother will not answer any of the many letters I have sent her and her husband. I have also called a few times and visited to my home town last year and still I do not hear from any of them. It is all because there is "bad blood" which many believe I started with my crazy actions that "somehow" came out of the blue! In other words I in many peoples eyes have a mental impairment.

I will take any and all tests to check my mental health. Do you think that the man or men who molested me would take a polygraph test?

Each time I asked for help and did not get it I took a step back. Each time I took a step back the people I asked for help also took a step back and now we are very far apart with no chance to reconcile as the people in my life have always layed down the law and ended the conversaion. How can you speak with people who refuse to speak with you?