Being a survivor of child sexual abuse from many sources I have very mixed emotions regarding Fathers Day. When I first began having memories at age 27 I felt it important to celebrate the day in some form, so what I decided to do was make some calls and
wish specific men a "Happy Fathers Day". These specific men were not fathers in the bioligical sense of the word but were substancial and very learned men who were mentors to many younger children. A friend of mine was a lawyer who specifically donated time to a community group to give leagal advice. He also had some neices and nephews who he mentored. There were also a few friends who were teachers. One gave many talks in schools about social issues and the other was a teacher and lover of the yo-yo so he taught the yo-yo after school and was a mentor to a great many young people. All of these men were very loved and respected and while I had personal problems I felt it nice to honor amazing men who were a kind of suragate fathers. They gave good sound fatherly advice and genuinely cared when sometimes the biological father just did not have the skills to reach their own child.
When I think of my own situation I immediately think of "phedophiles day". That is nothing to celebrate. I recently wrote to a cousin I reconnected with on facebook to ask him if he would tell me of he and his fathers trouble relationship before his father died. That was 2 months ago and he has not responded. I believe my cousin may have been molested as well. It affects each person differntly and depending on if you are gay, bi or straight it leads to different complications in life. My cousin is married.
One of the last times I saw him was many years ago and I bought him a drink at a bar when I ran into him. He told me he was cutting back on drinking but still did consume that drink. On facebook he informed me he was married. I think it is his 2nd wife. I think he has a child from the first woman he was with. I am not entirely clear on any of his curcumstances. I have the feeling he kind of "sold out" on the "It didn't happen thing" that so many families impose on survivors of child sexual abuse. The kind of thing were a person is told they will be disowned or left out of wills if they speak of any of there supposed past. The
molested person is subjected to a lot of work and self denial and loss of self in the process. I do not feel you can fully heal without really opening up at least to yourself and others in your own family where the molestation may still be happening. I have no right to judge my cousin and wish him no ill will, it's just that as I continue on my own journey of exploration and healing both with in myself and with trying to reach my own birth family it is just another road block for me. I really do not believe that there will ever be any open honest discussions about child sexual abuse. What will happen is it may be in the next generation but that is sad because that means that the sexual abuse is continuing even as I type this out.
Even if you are not a survivor of child sexual abuse try to think of a few men you feel are contributing to the well being of young
people and are surragate fathers who you can call and wish them a "Happy Fathers Day". It will brighten their day and make you feel good at the same time! This kind of action brings about a healing.
Happy Fathers Day!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Girl 27 / What Number Was I And How Many More Will Be Counted?
In 1937, Patricia Douglas, a straight-laced, 17-year-old studio dancer was sent by a casting agent to what she thought was a film call. She ended up at a MGM Studios sales convention "stag" party where she was manhandled and eventually raped and beaten by an out-of-town salesman.
When she tried to seek justice, she got screwed again - this time by everyone from top MGM brass, the district attorney, the press, and key witnesses to her doctor, lawyer and own mother. The emotional ripple effect of that crime has been felt by three generations to-date.
Flash forward 65 years to Hollywood historian, author and filmmaker David Stenn's discovery of Douglas' story in old newspapers while researching a Jean Harlow biography and pursuing the truth, much to the chagrin of Douglas who gave up hoping for justice long ago.
GIRL 27 is not only a documentary about a powerful studio scandal and cover-up, it's also the story of how an 85-year-old woman overcomes decades of pain, fear and disappointment to learn to trust someone again when they say "I want to help you find justice, vindication, peace." As such, I liked that the film shows the development of Stenn and Douglas' friendship and the emotional bond they formed.
The most compelling part of the film is Douglas' on-camera recollections, speaking about the rape for the first time ever. (She was never interviewed for any of the exploitative newspaper articles of the day.) This is a woman who needed to feel, and did ultimately feel, heard and understood.
There's lot to love about this film besides the courage and heroic beauty of Patricia Douglas. Vintage film clips showing how violence against women was treated by Hollywood at the time, interviews with family members of key players in the story and insights provided by experts such as actress Diana Carey (herself a victim of studio system sexual harassment), author Judy Lewis (the daughter of Clark Gable and Loretta Young, and victim of a Hollywood scandal cover-up), attorney Michael Taitelman and legal analyst Greta Van Susteren.
I'd highly recommend viewing the DVD while listening to Stenn's audio commentary track. He provides lots of relevant insights and additional facts pertaining to the case and Hollywood history, as well as background tid-bits on the making of the documentary. I thought it was one of the more compelling commentary tracks I've heard in years.
This movie review was from Lisa Burks.
It is an amazing true story of a very brave young girl who was brutally raped. It vastly effected her entire life and altered her direction greatly. I recommend you watch this movie and think about how many life stories are not told. (The movie is available to watch online.) Think about the children and young adults who are molested and raped and never heard about. Many lives who's paths are altered. Many who turn to drugs and prostitution. Many who have severe depression and those who commit suicide not due to the molestation they live through but because they can't face the rejection and non support from their own family's. What number was I and how many more peoples lives will be numbered or more importantly, how many more childrend will not be counted when they are molested? We need to ban together as a family and pull open the curtains and stop hiding the people who are largely left to continue their sexual deviance towards children and young adults. The title "Girl 27" refers to Patricia Douglas as she was the 27Th girl on the list of many girls called to this "MGM Barn" under the pretext of a movie call. I am posting some statistics form a wonderful website "Darkness to Light".
The statistics are shocking
* 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18.
* 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 18.
* 1 in 5 children are solicited sexually while on the internet.
* Nearly 70% of all reported sexual assaults (including assaults on adults) occur to children ages 17 and under.
* An estimated 39 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse exist in America today.
Even within the walls of their own homes, children are at risk for sexual abuse
* 30-40% of victims are abused by a family member.
* Another 50% are abused by someone outside of the family whom they know and trust.
* Approximately 40% are abused by older or larger children whom they know.
* Therefore, only 10% are abused by strangers.
Sexual abuse can occur at all ages, probably younger than you think
* The median age for reported abuse is 9 years old.
* More than 20% of children are sexually abused before the age of 8.
* Nearly 50% of all victims of forcible sodomy, sexual assault with an object, and forcible fondling are children under 12.
Watch"Girl 27" and make the decision to get involved and NOT HIDE anyone you know has or suspect has molested or raped a young person. If you have been told by a neice or nephew or other relative that a family member has molested them, take the time and steps to investigate and not just brush them away. The worst thing you can do is NOTHING. It only reoffends the survivor of sexual abuse and allows more molestation to coninue. DON'T LET THIS BE A PART OF YOUR FAMILY LEGACY, IT IS NOTHING TO BE PROUD OF!
When she tried to seek justice, she got screwed again - this time by everyone from top MGM brass, the district attorney, the press, and key witnesses to her doctor, lawyer and own mother. The emotional ripple effect of that crime has been felt by three generations to-date.
Flash forward 65 years to Hollywood historian, author and filmmaker David Stenn's discovery of Douglas' story in old newspapers while researching a Jean Harlow biography and pursuing the truth, much to the chagrin of Douglas who gave up hoping for justice long ago.
GIRL 27 is not only a documentary about a powerful studio scandal and cover-up, it's also the story of how an 85-year-old woman overcomes decades of pain, fear and disappointment to learn to trust someone again when they say "I want to help you find justice, vindication, peace." As such, I liked that the film shows the development of Stenn and Douglas' friendship and the emotional bond they formed.
The most compelling part of the film is Douglas' on-camera recollections, speaking about the rape for the first time ever. (She was never interviewed for any of the exploitative newspaper articles of the day.) This is a woman who needed to feel, and did ultimately feel, heard and understood.
There's lot to love about this film besides the courage and heroic beauty of Patricia Douglas. Vintage film clips showing how violence against women was treated by Hollywood at the time, interviews with family members of key players in the story and insights provided by experts such as actress Diana Carey (herself a victim of studio system sexual harassment), author Judy Lewis (the daughter of Clark Gable and Loretta Young, and victim of a Hollywood scandal cover-up), attorney Michael Taitelman and legal analyst Greta Van Susteren.
I'd highly recommend viewing the DVD while listening to Stenn's audio commentary track. He provides lots of relevant insights and additional facts pertaining to the case and Hollywood history, as well as background tid-bits on the making of the documentary. I thought it was one of the more compelling commentary tracks I've heard in years.
This movie review was from Lisa Burks.
It is an amazing true story of a very brave young girl who was brutally raped. It vastly effected her entire life and altered her direction greatly. I recommend you watch this movie and think about how many life stories are not told. (The movie is available to watch online.) Think about the children and young adults who are molested and raped and never heard about. Many lives who's paths are altered. Many who turn to drugs and prostitution. Many who have severe depression and those who commit suicide not due to the molestation they live through but because they can't face the rejection and non support from their own family's. What number was I and how many more peoples lives will be numbered or more importantly, how many more childrend will not be counted when they are molested? We need to ban together as a family and pull open the curtains and stop hiding the people who are largely left to continue their sexual deviance towards children and young adults. The title "Girl 27" refers to Patricia Douglas as she was the 27Th girl on the list of many girls called to this "MGM Barn" under the pretext of a movie call. I am posting some statistics form a wonderful website "Darkness to Light".
The statistics are shocking
* 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18.
* 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 18.
* 1 in 5 children are solicited sexually while on the internet.
* Nearly 70% of all reported sexual assaults (including assaults on adults) occur to children ages 17 and under.
* An estimated 39 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse exist in America today.
Even within the walls of their own homes, children are at risk for sexual abuse
* 30-40% of victims are abused by a family member.
* Another 50% are abused by someone outside of the family whom they know and trust.
* Approximately 40% are abused by older or larger children whom they know.
* Therefore, only 10% are abused by strangers.
Sexual abuse can occur at all ages, probably younger than you think
* The median age for reported abuse is 9 years old.
* More than 20% of children are sexually abused before the age of 8.
* Nearly 50% of all victims of forcible sodomy, sexual assault with an object, and forcible fondling are children under 12.
Watch"Girl 27" and make the decision to get involved and NOT HIDE anyone you know has or suspect has molested or raped a young person. If you have been told by a neice or nephew or other relative that a family member has molested them, take the time and steps to investigate and not just brush them away. The worst thing you can do is NOTHING. It only reoffends the survivor of sexual abuse and allows more molestation to coninue. DON'T LET THIS BE A PART OF YOUR FAMILY LEGACY, IT IS NOTHING TO BE PROUD OF!
Monday, June 7, 2010
Awareness Walks and Getting to the Root of Child Sexual Abuse
Awareness walks have been around for a great many years. Everywhere you turn you see them. One of the most recognized is of breast cancer awareness walks. They have the pink shirts and pink ribbons. They have testimonials of how many years they have survived. They have a huge following of family and friends who support them and walk with them and when they die they have many who walk in their honor and raise money for more research and to help pay bills of the women who are dealing with breast cancer at the present time. I am very happy for their support of each other. It is wonderful to see the care and support those mostly women and some men are getting. I recently saw one of those many commercials for a breast cancer walk and wondered what it would be like if there was such an outpouring of support for this very prevalent epidemic of child sexual abuse. I am 47 years old and I would have a shirt on it that read I was a survivor for 47 years! My own personal journey of a survivor started when I was only months old! The many different types of walks all began in different ways. For instance I know that it took many years for any kind of walks dealing with any kind of cancer. There was a tremendous stigma about cancer and many people thought they could contract it by just being near a person with cancer. There was not support back then as they have today. For years there was a huge fear about A.I.D.S. and again it took years to get people educated about it and the ways you can contract H.I.V. which can lead to A.I.D.S. There are many walks and they all start with a few that lead into the many. Many of the walks are faced with protesters. Many walks evolve in many different ways. Some of the first gay pride marches had people dressed in suites and ties. The women, lesbian or not were in dresses. The gay pride marches and pride fests in some places were places to vent and were sometimes laced with a great deal of hate to heterosexuals. Now the gay pride parades have very few protesters and a great many families join in the Gay Pride Fest. I know that there are some awareness groups about child sexual abuse and I believe there are some gatherings that may take the form of awareness walks but it seems to me that they are in their infancy.
To have the kind of walks that will draw the attention to the epidemic of child sexual abuse there needs to be a great deal more awareness and a great deal more education. A great deal more education and a great deal less silence and hiding the people that molest children. Families, meaning all your relatives and not just extended families you create when your own relatives turn their backs on the survivors, need to band together and address this as a united group. There will be tears and pain at first but that's the only way to get to the root of the cancer that will grow in a relation if the cancer of child sexual abuse is not addressed directly. Who will walk with the survivors?
To have the kind of walks that will draw the attention to the epidemic of child sexual abuse there needs to be a great deal more awareness and a great deal more education. A great deal more education and a great deal less silence and hiding the people that molest children. Families, meaning all your relatives and not just extended families you create when your own relatives turn their backs on the survivors, need to band together and address this as a united group. There will be tears and pain at first but that's the only way to get to the root of the cancer that will grow in a relation if the cancer of child sexual abuse is not addressed directly. Who will walk with the survivors?
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